Shades of Blue
by Justified12
Summary: AU. For Santana, life after college isn't all it's cracked up to be. She's in a slump. She feels hopeless and alone... that is until she has a chance encounter with a certain blonde at the local grocery store. Brittana. TEMPORARILY ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

Santana sighed heavily, finally switching off her computer at 5am. She always felt so empty during this part of her day. She wasn't tired. She couldn't think of anything worse than going to bed… but it was late. So late that it was early. And it was abnormal to still be up, nothing to do, just wasting away the minutes.

She shuffled aimlessly over to her bedroom door, flicking off the light switch before slipping out of her boxers and climbing underneath the black sheets on her bed. She could never sleep with anything on her legs, even when she was freezing during winter. It made her restless and irritable. With another heavy breath, she reached over to her bedside table, her hand searching through the darkness for her TV remote. When her fingers finally closed around it, she quickly found the on button and her screen flickered to life on the other side of her room.

Of course at this time of the night there was nothing on but some boring infomercials and an old 90's show about angels who came to earth to do good deeds or some shit. She rolled her eyes in frustration. She figured anything was better than the fake happy chatter of some desperate, out of work actor who had resorted to selling overpriced knives or 'miracle workout machines' that never actually worked. It set her teeth on edge. So she dropped her remote beside her and snuggled down into her covers to watch the stupid angel show.

After a few minutes of not really paying attention, Santana closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath, willing herself not to cry. She wasn't sad. She wasn't angry. She wasn't anything. And that's why she was so close to tears. She bit down hard on her bottom lip. She just wanted to feel something, anything.

Her hand instinctively reached down and slipped into her underwear, repeating the motions she'd gone through dozens of times before. Over-sexualized images flashed through her mind, searching for something that would excite her or make her heart beat just that little bit faster. Nothing worked.

She huffed loudly in annoyance and withdrew her hand, placing her palms roughly over her eyes. Santana desperately wanted to give up. She just wanted to sleep. Because maybe in her dreams, she could feel something again… But that just wasn't an option right now. Her body was far too alert. She needed release.

She dropped her fingers back to their place between her legs. Focusing hard, she pictured a nameless, faceless figure above her - The beautiful ghost who made frequent appearances in her dreams and kissed her so softly… The unknown girl who never said a word but always radiated such love that her heart ached when she woke up... Finally, it began to work. Her back arched up as the figure in her mind kissed her neck and ran their hands all over her.

Her cheeks soon grew flushed and wet warmth began to pool between her legs. The relentless movements of her own fingers made her body tingle as she imagined the figure above her and after a few long minutes, her insides started convulse with pleasure. A small, breathy moan left her lips, something swelling inside of her chest as the fleeting orgasm began to subside. And then, just as quickly as the moment had come, it dissipated, leaving her with nothing once again. She was empty inside. Tears finally fell from Santana's scrunched up eyes, sliding down her cheeks and then onto her neck. Sobs and gasps tore through her body as she clawed at her pillow and thrashed her legs.

She was alone.

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A few weeks ago, when Santana had finished college, she realized she still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. So she packed up, moved back to the town she'd grown up in and stayed with her parents. She locked herself away in her bedroom, only coming out for things that were absolutely necessary – like food and bathroom breaks and showers. Other than that, she had completely isolated herself from the outside world. She refused to answer phone calls when her friends rang and eventually… they just stopped calling. It's not that she didn't like them. They were fine. It was just that they were more like acquaintances – people who were fun to hang out with, but not really the type you could rely on when it came to something serious. She hadn't had a friend like that since high school.

Santana wasn't sure why she was doing all of this. It was like the outside world just didn't seem real anymore and the only time she felt like she was alive was when she was alone. But now, that comforting feeling had turned on her… And she felt dead inside.

To make things worse, it had been over a year since she was in a real relationship. Not that the opportunity hadn't come up. It was just that… most girls seemed so shallow. Or she would meet someone and know instantly that it just didn't feel right. Sure they were nice and she could probably like them if she tried. But it just wasn't… right.

Santana knew it might seem ridiculous but she promised herself after her last failed relationship that she wouldn't date the wrong girls anymore. She'd done it too many times before and it never worked out. She would always find a girl who was nice and seemed like a safe bet but… in the end, they'd turn out to be completely insane. And she just couldn't do that anymore. She vowed that she wouldn't date another girl who was wrong for her. She was going to wait until she found someone she could fall for seamlessly… without doubting it. Someone she could be absolutely sure about.

And so far, that was no-one.

So she remained alone.

Santana had settled into a pattern of sleeping in as long as possible so that the amount of time she had to spend awake in a day was seriously reduced. _The less time for thought, the better._ She reasoned. But she knew life couldn't continue like this. She had to get out of her own little world sometime. Even though it was safe and she could make it anything she wanted it to be… she knew she was starting to slowly lose her mind from constantly being alone.

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'Santana!'

The Latina let out a small groan from beneath her mess of pillows and sheets. She didn't even remember falling asleep. 'Go away, Mom.' She muttered quietly to herself.

She heard a few heavy footsteps from the hallway before her mother burst loudly through her door. 'Dios mio! It's almost 4 o'clock in the afternoon! Get out of bed!'

Santana turned her head away from the older woman. 'Ugh. Why? I don't have anything to do today.'

'You know, it's not normal for you to still be sleeping at this time of the day.' Mrs. Lopez nagged.

'Says who?'

Her mother rolled her eyes. 'I'm not going to argue with you about this. Just get up. I need you to run down to the grocery store for me. The ladies from my book club are coming over in half an hour and I forgot to buy the chips and dip.'

'You're kidding right?' The dark haired girl finally lifted her head from the pillow to shoot her mother a look of complete disbelief.

'No! You're not a teenager anymore, Santana. We're letting you stay here… and we don't ask you to pay any rent_. _The least you could do is help me out sometimes. You know, you don't do any housework and even when I-'

Santana cut her off before the all too familiar rant could get into full swing. 'Okay! I get it! I'm up. I'll go. Just… let me get dressed in peace!'

'Well hurry up.' Her mother warned, eyeing her daughter carefully before she finally left the room.

Santana rubbed at her face roughly with her hands. _Stupid book club. _With her eyes closed, she swung her legs over the edge of her bed and stretched her arms and legs out as far as they would go. She hated grocery shopping with a passion.

A silent yawn left her lips as she stood and walked over to her dresser, pulling out a pair of dark sweatpants, an old t-shirt and a hoodie. She dressed quickly, slipped into a pair of white sneakers and lifted her thick black hair into a messy ponytail. She raised an eyebrow at herself in the mirror. _Whatever._

When Santana got outside, it was raining hard.

'Perfect.' She grumbled, hopping into her car to make the short drive down to the nearest store before unenthusiastically making her way inside.

It was a small place, with only a few registers at the front. Santana realized that it had been years since she was there last, noticing some of the subtle changes that had been made to the shelving and the floors. With slumped shoulders, she walked up and down the aisles, perusing the packed ledges for the items she required. When she finally found what she was looking for, a bag of chips in the snack section and few tubs of dip from the cold storage, she made her way back to the front of the store to pay.

She sauntered over to the shortest line, doing her best not to make eye contact with anyone around her, fearing she may have to engage in some type of awkward social interaction. When it was finally her turn to be served, her gaze flickered up to the girl at the counter.

_Fuck me… _Santana thought to herself, fighting hard against the urge to stare as the tall, slender blonde behind the register began to scan her items.

'Hi. How are you today?' The girl asked sweetly.

Santana swallowed hard and forced her lips into a smile. She could feel her heart racing as her dark eyes locked with bright blue ones. She had never, ever thought she could be attracted to someone instantly without getting to know them first. But this time it hit her like a ton of bricks. The world seemed to move in slow motion as the girl put her order through and Santana took in every detail as if her life depended on it. Her creamy, pale skin… The incredibly cute patch of freckles that were sprinkled across her nose... The light pink curve of her lips… The small nametag attached to her apron that said _Brittany_…

'That'll be $4.95.' The girl said gently, a breathtaking smile spread across her face.

'Uh… yeah.' Santana fumbled clumsily with her wallet. _Stop staring you idiot and give her the money._

As she handed over the note, her fingers brushed against the blonde's slightly and she felt a spark run through her whole body. _What the hell… _

Santana accepted her change with a polite nod. Her mind was blank but racing at the same time. There was dull throbbing in her ears and her cheeks were hot from embarrassment.

'Have a nice day.' The girl beamed at her one final time before moving on to the next customer.

As Santana walked out of the store, money and items held limply in her hands, she tried her best to figure out what had just happened. She'd never been caught off guard like that before… by anyone. There was just something about that blonde that was so captivating, so interesting. She knew that she was hooked. She had to know more.

The drive home was a foggy haze and when Santana pulled up in front of her house, she could barely remember how she got there. Placing the chips and dip on the kitchen counter for her mother to find, she returned upstairs and locked herself in her bedroom. She had to go back to that store. She had to find out who that girl was.

It wasn't until Santana walked passed her mirror and caught her own reflection that she finally snapped out of her own thoughts.

_Shit. I look like a fricken hobo. _

She groaned and sat down on her bed, running her hands through her messy hair. No wonder the girl hadn't paid any attention to her. _She was probably doing her best not to laugh at how bad I look. _Santana mused dejectedly._ And I didn't even say hello back! She must think I'm such a rude bitch. Ugh! I'm a fucking idiot! _

With a high pitched whimper, Santana shut her eyes tight and threw her body back onto the mattress in frustration. She would never get anyone's attention looking like she'd just rolled out of bed and acting like a cranky, depressed bitch. And something inside of her screamed that she just had to get that blonde to notice her. She just had to. The next time she went into that store… she would be prepared.

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The next day, when Mrs. Lopez was preparing to leave the house to do her weekly Saturday shopping, she was practically bowled over as her daughter bolted down the stairs, tore the shopping list from her hands and raced through the front door.

'I'll get it, Mom! Be back soon!' Santana called out cheerfully over her shoulder, rushing over to her car and pulling away from the curb at a dangerous speed.

Mrs. Lopez blinked for a few seconds, trying to register what had just happened. She looked down at her watch - 12pm. It was more than a little early for her daughter to be up… and dressed… And since when did Santana want to do the shopping for her? With a raised eyebrow, she shook her head and made her way to the living room, turning on the TV and settling back into the couch. She would never understand that girl.

Meanwhile, Santana felt her heart began to speed up a little as the grocery store came into view. After she arrived home yesterday afternoon, she spent a few hours sulking before she realized that she needed to take action. If she played her cards just right, she figured she could have a second chance to make a good first impression with the dreamy blonde who worked at the store. She decided to take a long, hot bath, wash her hair, shave her legs, pluck her eyebrows, paint her nails and do everything else she could think of to beautify herself in preparation for the following day.

She went to bed early and tried to get as much sleep as possible considering how messed up her routine had been lately. When her alarm went off at 11am though, she wasn't grumpy or irritated like she usually was. Instead, Santana bounced out of bed and grinned stupidly at the thought of what her day might hold. As she sat down at her dresser and started to curl her hair, she began to run through what she might do if she saw the blonde again. Her brow furrowed in thought. What would she say? How could she possibly get this girl's attention?

_Hi, I'm Santana. How are you?_ Santana rolled her eyes at herself and scoffed.

_So I think you're totally hot and I would love to get to you know you better. Wanna go out sometime? _Santana let out a sarcastic snort of laughter. _Yeah right. Stalker much?_

As she placed her curling iron back down onto her dresser and began applying her makeup, she realized she'd need to be a lot smoother than that if she didn't want to scare this girl off. Besides, she wasn't even sure that she liked her like that. She'd only met her for a few seconds yesterday… You can't _like_ someone after a few seconds.

No. It was more like… this strange curiosity. She was just curious about what the blonde might be like. Her blue eyes seemed to hold this big secret… and the Latina was dying to find out what it was. She felt mysteriously drawn to her, like maybe they'd met before but never had the chance to speak… Santana nodded to herself. _Yeah_. She reasoned. It had to be something really abstract like that. She just had no other way of describing the unfamiliar feeling.

Finishing up with her makeup, Santana made her way over to her wardrobe. She rifled through a few items before deciding on a short, figure hugging dark green dress, knee high black heeled boots and a leather jacket. After getting dressed, she eyed herself in the mirror like she had the day before. _Much better_. She smirked. With a final touch up to her mascara and lip gloss, she grabbed her wallet and strolled out of her bedroom door and into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Just as Santana was finishing up and shut the water off, she heard the jingling of keys from downstairs.

'I'm going to the store, Santana.' Her mother called out loudly, not really expecting her daughter to even be awake at this point.

However, Santana heard her loud and clear. She rushed down the stairs as fast as she could. It was the perfect opportunity. And she wouldn't even need to make up an excuse now.

As she pulled her car into one of the free spots in the parking lot, Santana checked herself out one final time in the rearview mirror. Her makeup and hair were as perfect as she'd ever get them. She took a big breath in and practiced her best smile. She was ready.

She stepped out of the car and made her way into the store, list in hand. There were quite a few things for her to get so it would give her plenty of time to rehearse some better conversation starters in her head. As she sauntered casually over to the collection of shopping carts at the front of the shop, her eyes flashed over to the registers in search of the captivating blonde from yesterday. When she didn't immediately spot the girl, her heart began to speed up. What if she wasn't working today? It was a definite possibility. Santana's lips began to curl into a frown. She hadn't even thought about that. _Fuck. What an idiot… _

However, just as her mind finished that thought, a shimmer of blonde hair whipped out from beneath one of the counters. The Latina's heart skipped a beat, her body frozen in place. She watched the girl smile brightly, dustpan in hand as she continued to clean up her work area.

'Excuse me?' Santana whipped her head around to see an old lady standing behind her, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting to collect a cart of her own.

'Oh. I'm so sorry.' She apologized with a gentle smile and quickly moved to the side. 'Got a little distracted.'

The old lady's face softened slightly. 'It's alright dear. Happens to me all the time.'

Santana laughed softly and nodded her head at the woman, moving down the first aisle to begin collecting the items on her mother's grocery list.

_So… Do you go to school? _She pretended to ask nonchalantly in her mind. Santana sighed heavily. That one wasn't so bad. Besides, she figured she could always just bat her eyelashes and pout her lips a little. That seemed to work often enough. Even when the girl was straight.

_Are you from around here?_ Santana titled her head to the side a little as she held two different packets of sugar in her hands, wondering which one her mother would prefer.

_Have you worked here long? _Santana pushed her shopping cart, now full of items, down the aisle towards the front of the store. She took a deep breath as she noticed the complete lack of people waiting at the registers. There were no lines. Strangely enough, there was barely anyone there at all.

On one hand, Santana was glad because it gave her much more of an opportunity to make some solid conversation with the blonde. But on the other hand, it made her even more nervous than she had been before. Now all the attention was on her. And if she messed up, it would be a total disaster. Her stomach churned a little. Amongst all of her rushing and preparing this morning, she'd forgotten to eat anything. It made the butterflies ten times worse.

She pushed her shopping cart into position and smiled widely at the blonde girl standing just a few feet away from her.

'Hey.' She greeted politely.

'Hello again.' The girl smiled back, a hint of laughter flickering across her piercing blue eyes. 'Back so soon?'

Santana was completely taken aback as she begun to unload her items onto the conveyor belt. This girl had a good memory. _Fuck… So much for a second first impression…_ She did her best to shrug it off. 'Yeah. Just had to pick up a few things.'

'Got a big night planned?' The blonde shop assistant, Brittany, gestured her head towards Santana's attire. It was pretty clear that she was a little overdressed to be simply taking a trip down to the corner store.

The Latina smirked. 'Maybe. It is Saturday after all.'

'That it is.' Brittany grinned warmly as she continued to swipe the groceries expertly through her register.

'How about you?' Santana inquired as smoothly as she could manage.

'Probably just catching up with some friends. Nothing special.' Brittany answered with shrug. She always liked talking with customers but it wasn't often that they asked her about her own life. It was a nice change of pace.

'Sounds cool.' She returned, trying to act as casual as possible while her heart rattled around inside of her chest.

'Yeah.' Brittany smiled gently as she finished scanning the items and carefully took the money that the brunette was already holding out for her.

'So…' Santana hesitated a little. She _could_ rattle off one of her many pre-prepared questions… but she thought better of it. She figured enough progress had been made for today. _Better quit while I'm ahead. _She mused. 'I'll see you next time then.' She offered the blonde resolutely as she took her change, a mischievous look gracing her dark brown eyes.

Brittany caught the small expression and bit her bottom lip slightly, unsure of what it meant. 'Yeah. Have a nice night.' She shot back genuinely.

'You too.' Santana grinned smugly and spun around to leave the store. She smiled to herself as she strolled back out into the parking lot and began to lift the bags of shopping into her trunk. _Hmmm… that actually went kinda well. _

As she pulled her car out onto the street, she knew she would definitely be seeing the blonde again. One way or another, she was going to get that girl into her life.

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**A/N: Okay so I really wanna know what you guys think about this! Even though I was heaps inspired to start this story, I kinda struggled to get through the first chapter. Does it merit continuing? Do you wanna know what happens next? **

**Also, if you wanna know what Santana's outfit looks like, just think about a combination of her green dress from the beginning of 'New York' and her leather jacket in the Brittana locker scene from 'Sexy'. I'm a very visual person so… Yeah lol just in case you're interested.**

**Finally, if my Spanish is wrong, blame Google Translate lol that's all I have to go on. Sorry! **


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few days since Santana last saw the blonde who was beginning to consume all of her waking thoughts. She couldn't quite understand what it was about that girl that had her so mesmerized. She wasn't really one for childish crushes or infatuations. But then again, she really wasn't sure if that was what this whole thing was anyways.

Santana resisted the urge to go back to the store and talk to the girl again straight away. She didn't want to scare her off or seem like she had nothing better to do than go to a grocery store every single day. So in her down time, while she tried to keep her mind on other things, Santana decided to look for a job.

It was almost as if meeting this fascinating blonde stranger had given her a new lease on life. Like all of a sudden, things began to have meaning and purpose again. Through the nagging bleakness that lingered inside of her, Santana felt a spark of inspiration. To do what? She wasn't quite sure yet. All she knew was that she had to do something.

Her chance encounter at the grocery store had somehow reached through, passed her carefully constructed walls and into her own little world, winding a thin thread around her emotions that connected her to reality again. She understood that she had already been so close to breaking free of her self-imposed loneliness. The frustration had already begun to push her over the edge. But this random meeting that somehow managed to rouse her from emotional sleep was the final kick.

Santana refused to sit around in her room and mope anymore. She felt a burning desire to give her life focus. After all, who wants to be around someone who didn't have any drive or passion? People like that were boring. And Santana needed to be interesting again. She had to find herself.

So she scoured the net and looked over some ads in the paper. And when nothing caught her eye, she decided to talk to her Mom. Mrs. Lopez was surprised to say the least by her daughter's newfound attitude towards finding a career and getting motivated. Just a few days ago, she was considering suggesting that Santana go see a psychologist because, with the way she'd been acting, she feared something may have been seriously wrong. But now, everything was different.

However, Mrs. Lopez thought it best not to question why her daughter's mood had shifted from listless to determined and instead just embraced it. They discussed some potential career options together and after some careful deliberation; she proposed that Santana take on a paid internship working with her aunt at the local newspaper. After all, Santana was a journalism major at college and she had always loved to write… so it didn't take much convincing.

Even though Santana had found the motivation to make some changes in her life, she still couldn't bring herself to call up her friends from college and explain why she'd been M.I.A. lately. Even though most of them lived on the other side of the country, she knew it was only right to mend things with them for her own conscience and for the sake of the four years they had spent together in college. But… she just couldn't do it. It felt false. At this point in her life, she didn't need a bunch of fun people to hang out with. She needed a confidant to share honesty and emotions with.

Santana let out a low thoughtful hum as she lay on her bed, listening to the soft music emanating from her laptop across the room. It was strange but… she felt like everything up until now had been leading to this and she'd only been frustrated and miserable before because she was so tired of waiting for this part of her life to arrive. She was standing on the edge of a cliff, her toes hanging just over the rock, so close to free-falling into the unknown that was her future.

A real job?

Becoming an adult?

Was she really ready for all that?

Glancing over to her bedside table, Santana noticed that it was drawing close to midnight and she should probably get to sleep. After all, she had a big day ahead of her tomorrow. First up, she was off to her interview at the local newspaper. Then, who knows. She wasn't going back to hide in her room again that's for sure. Maybe she'd go for a run or find a new recipe to cook for dinner… which would require her to pick up ingredients… from the grocery store. Santana rolled her eyes at herself and smiled. She just couldn't control her wandering mind. She knew she was going to go back eventually. The curiosity was like a leaky tap, constantly dripping thoughts of the blonde mystery girl into her mind. Why put it off any longer?

With an amused sigh, Santana got up to turn off her laptop, changed into some pajamas and slid beneath the covers.

And for the whole night, her dreams were filled with that faceless, beautiful ghost that had haunted her for so long.

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The next morning, as Santana got ready for her interview, she realized that a large portion of her wardrobe was inappropriate for a job at the local newspaper. She needed to look professional. Like a… business woman. And most of her clothing said anything but that.

It took much longer than she had anticipated, but eventually she found a plain white short-sleeve shirt that wasn't too low cut and a simple black skirt that finished just above her knees. Paired with some sheer black stockings, black pumps and a few tasteful accessories; she felt that she was dressed as formally as she could manage.

After readying her hair and makeup, having a quick breakfast, brushing her teeth and printing off a copy of her resume and college transcripts from the downstairs computer, Santana took a deep breath and got into her car with as much optimism as her nerves would allow her. It wasn't like she was going for an interview at the New York Times or anything. But the prospect of getting her foot in the door of a real career was still exciting… and terrifying.

When she pulled into the parking lot, she felt her stomach twisting slightly and the slow elevator ride up to the 8th floor only made things worse. She hated confined spaces. Santana huffed and looked down at her watch. At least she was still early. When the steel doors parted, she threw herself out into the hallway and followed the signs to the office where she needed to go. As she opened the frosted glass door and was just about to address the receptionist behind the desk, she heard her phone go off inside her bag and reached in to check her messages - It was just one from her Mom saying good luck - before turning it on silent.

When Santana looked back up though, she was more than a little surprised to be greeted by a familiar face. 'Kurt?'

'Santana?' The small boy squeaked, a hands free headset sitting atop his perfectly styled hair.

'Hey!' She beamed at her high school friend and moved around the desk to hug him. Her relationship with Kurt had been a strange one to say the least. Throughout most of their time at high school, the two had been cut-throat rivals, their equally competitive, feisty attitudes landing them in more than one conflict during their four years together. But while everyone had always known that Kurt was gay and most people had gotten over it relatively fast, Santana's coming out was… a little more complicated.

During their senior year, Santana finally realized that she couldn't hide her true identity from those around her anymore. She had tried dating a few boys in the past but it just never felt right. She was lying to herself. It took all of her courage and strength but she came out to her parents and her schoolmates.

Her parents took it surprisingly well and even though her Mom cried for a bit and her dad asked some strange questions about whether or not he'd ever have grandchildren, they were quite supportive when it came down to it. At school though, things were different. People pretended to be okay with it… but they weren't. The girls were polite to her face but talked behind her back. And the boys all just thought that she was some 'challenge' or needed to be 'fixed'. She wasn't sure what she hated more… the isolation from the girls who would gossip and stare or the fear and anger she felt when she was propositioned in some really offensive or vulgar way by some random guy she'd never even met before.

Either way. She felt alone. She went from being one of the most popular girls in school, to a nobody. No. More than that. An outcast. A freak.

But, despite their conflicts and differences, Kurt was one of the few people that were there when she needed a friend the most. He knew what it felt like to be on the outside, to be different… and he didn't waste any time at all in asking Santana if she needed a friend during the History class they shared. At first she was hesitant and stubborn, she barely knew the kid after all and what she did know, she didn't really like.

As the comments and rumors went on though, Santana was worn down. She knew she had to accept help when it was offered. And it wasn't long before they moved past their tendency to clash and formed a genuine friendship. They were the only two openly gay kids in the entire school. If they couldn't rely on each other, then who else could they rely on?

'Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?' Kurt practically squealed in excitement as he threw his arms around Santana.

'I'm really good.' She smiled warmly, feeling as if she'd been transported back in time. Even though they'd caught up a few times after high school finished, it was pretty hard to maintain a friendship when they were at college on opposite sides of the country. They eventually lost contact, only speaking rarely through email or Christmas cards. But that didn't mean Santana wasn't genuinely happy to see her friend again.

'You look fantastic! What are you doing here?' Kurt took a step back to eye up Santana's ensemble and rested a hand on his hip.

'I have an interview actually. My aunt is one of the editors here.' She blushed a little as Kurt nodded over-enthusiastically.

'Of course! I heard that someone was coming in for the internship. Nobody ever said it was you though.' He grinned and moved to hold her hand, swinging it between them excitedly.

'And you work here?' Santana asked, knowing the answer already.

'Yeah. I've been here for about six months now. Just something to tide me over while I wait for my big break.' Kurt beamed. He'd wanted to be an actor for as long as Santana could remember. All throughout high school, he was always the lead in every play, the front of everyone chorus line. She smiled at his unwavering cheery attitude. She'd forgotten how much fun it could be to have a friend like him.

Just Santana was about to ask him if he had auditioned for anything lately, a man came up behind Kurt and tapped him gently on the shoulder.

'Has my 11 o'clock appointment arrived yet?' The tall, grey haired gentleman asked.

'Oh. Sorry Mr. J. Yes. Here she is.' Kurt motioned to Santana as she lifted her arm out quickly for a polite handshake.

After she exchanged a few pleasantries with the man, who she learned was the chief editor of the paper; he led her to his office to begin their interview. Santana answered questions courteously and eagerly, doing her best to seem as likeable and friendly as possible. It felt a little fake, all the smiling and nervous laughter, but she knew that it was how she was supposed to act in this kind of situation. Luckily, it didn't take much for the pleasant banter to flow smoothly and the chief was quite impressed with her college transcripts so she didn't have to talk herself up much in order to seem like she deserved the job.

_Thanks Mom. Getting good grades in college really was a smart move._ Santana mused. While most girls were out getting drunk and hooking up with randoms every night, Santana was putting in the hard work studying. Not that she never partied… she just, found her moderation after some bad experiences in freshmen year.

When the interview was offer, she shook the chief's hand again and sent him her best smile. With an assurance that she would be hearing back from them soon, Santana left his office and walked back over to Kurt sitting behind his big receptionist's desk.

'So, how did it go?' He bounced a little in his chair, a huge grin on his face as he waited for her to reply.

'Yeah pretty good I think. He seemed happy.' Santana shrugged hopefully.

'I'm sure you did wonderful! Oh! And just think, if you get the job, we can be work buddies! It'll be exactly like high school!' Kurt giggled, backtracking a bit when he noticed precariously Santana's raised her eyebrow. 'Well, not _exactly_ like high school. We won't have to deal with all those bitchy girls and mindless football players.' He smiled gently.

'Yeah.' Santana laughed. She realized that she really did want to get this job now. She'd missed her friend more than she thought. 'But even if I don't, we have to catch up real soon. It's been way too long.' Santana quickly took out her phone and handed it to Kurt. 'Give me your number.' She grinned.

'Most definitely!' He quickly tapped away at the phone before standing up to give the Latina another big bear hug. 'Uh! It was great to see you again San!'

'You too.' Santana waved her old friend goodbye as she climbed back into the elevator and exited the building. _Well that was certainly unexpected._

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After a quick stop by her house to change into some jeans and a plain black off the shoulder top, Santana found herself back in her car, driving towards that increasingly familiar store once again. It wasn't really a conscious decision. She just kind of gravitated towards the place.

As she got out of her car and was about to walk across the parking lot to the shop, her stomach began to grumble in protest. It was so loud that Santana stopped, draping her hands across her midsection to try and quiet the noise. _Ugh. Leave me alone. _She rolled her eyes and waited a few seconds. And then as she was about to take another step, it gurgled and growled again. _Fine. _She sighed. _I'll go eat first. Just shut up._

Since she didn't want to risk a potentially embarrassing tummy uproar while she was trying to make conversation with her ever fascinating blonde, Santana decided to head across the street to get some lunch from the sandwich shop. She picked out a nice, healthy sub with lots of vegetables (just like her mother would have wanted) and a bottle of water and sat down at a small table next to the front window.

Santana was about half way through her lunch and was playing Tetris on her phone when she heard the little bell above the shop's door jingle unexpectedly. She didn't bother to look up. She never did in these kind of situations. She was never really one for awkward pleasantries with strangers.

It wasn't until she heard a soft, vaguely familiar voice that her head finally snapped up to look at the girl who had just walked into the small shop. Santana's eyebrows knitted together in shock, her mouth half-open as she stopped mid-chew. _No way…_

She watched on, entranced as the blonde bought her lunch and thanked the middle-aged woman serving her with a friendly smile. And then, as she spun around, their eyes connected and the girl titled her head in recognition and gave a small wave. Santana looked around her for a second, wondering if maybe the blonde was looking for someone else. But she was the only other person there. _Is she waving to me?_

As she strode over to Santana, the brunette couldn't do much but thickly swallow the food that was still in her mouth.

'You came through my register the other day right?' The blonde grinned and gestured to Santana thoughtfully.

'Uhh… yeah. That was me.' Santana replied simply. Why was she talking to her?

'I thought I recognized you from somewhere.' The girl nodded to herself. After a few seconds of heavy silence, the blonde motioned towards the other chair at the small table. 'Do you mind? I never really liked sitting by myself.'

Santana quickly shook her head and felt her heart begin to race. 'No, of course not. I'm just… surprised that you recognized me.'

'Well I've always been one for faces.' The girl giggled slightly. 'But maybe it would be better if we did this properly… I'm Brittany.' She extended her hand across the table and after a small moment of hesitation, Santana took it for a gentle shake.

'S-Santana.' _Are you fucking serious? Stuttering? What are you like 12? _The Latina coughed slightly to try and cover her slip and unscrewed the cap of her water to take a long swig.

'So… Santana… How did your Saturday night go?' Brittany began to unwrap her sandwich carefully.

'It was alright… How bout yours?' In her lap, the brunette's hands had begun to twist and fidget nervously. Was this even happening? So the girl didn't want to sit alone. That makes sense. But why did she want to sit with _her? _It was so surreal. Being a customer at the grocery store was just a normal, everyday thing but… eating lunch with someone? That felt like a much bigger step.

'It was good. I went to the movies with some friends.' The blonde took a small, delicate bite from her sandwich.

'See anything good?' Santana didn't dare touch her own food. She needed to stay focused.

'No.' Brittany laughed. 'It was some really over the top action movie that nearly bored me to tears.'

Santana returned the chuckle as her fingers began to tap uneasily at the underside of the table. There was a long pause. _Fuck. Say something. Anything. _

'So… ummm... do you… uh… do you live nearby?' Santana forced herself not to roll her eyes at her own words. She realized that her brain had obviously reverted to one of her practice questions.

'Yeah not too far. But I only moved here a few months ago so I'm still getting used to the area.' Brittany smiled tenderly. Even though Santana was practically on the edge of her seat, praying that the conversation would go smoothly, the blonde seemed perfectly calm and collected. Her eyes radiated softness and warmth.

'Oh okay… I didn't think I'd seen you around before.' Santana felt her cheeks heating up and allowed some of her long dark hair to fall in front of her face as if it would protect her from embarrassing herself. Girls didn't normally have this affect on her. She was usually the one all confident and in charge.

'Yeah… I actually just got into this really great dance school that's not too far from here.'

'Oh? So you're a dancer?' Inside, Santana was panicking. The air felt like it was on fire. She was sure that her whole face was bright red. But she refused to let it get the best of her. She had to keep the conversation going as if everything was normal.

'Yeah. Well… I want to be. The whole college thing wasn't really for me. I tried it for a while but… yeah. I'm only working the register now to save money for the fees and pay my rent.' Brittany laughed. 'Do you go to school?'

Santana shook her head. 'Not anymore. I just graduated from college.' It amazed Santana how comfortable the blonde was about chatting with her. She was obviously just one of those really friendly, sociable people that could start up a conversation with anyone and never felt awkward.

'Oh… Are you working now?' Brittany titled her head to the side a little in interest.

'Sort of. I… I went for an interview today?' Santana shrugged. 'I think it went okay.' She laughed, trying to shrug it off.

Just as Brittany opened her mouth to respond though, Santana's phone erupted with music. She jumped at the unexpected interruption, before fumbling the device with her fingers. It was her Mom calling. _Shit… _Santana knew straight away that she wasn't going to answer it. Not now. It would be way too weird. So she pressed a button on the side to turn the call to silent and let it ring through to voice mail.

'Sorry about that.'

'It's no problem.' Brittany offered cheerily, wiping her hands together to remove some crumbs. It was then that Santana noticed the girl had finished eating while she was messing with her phone. 'I have to get back to work now anyways. Maybe I'll run into you again sometime?'

'Yeah…' Santana smiled. 'I have to get my food from somewhere right?'

'Yes you do.' Brittany stood from her chair and grinned. 'Bye then.' She sent Santana another small wave as she collected her things and walked out the front door.

Santana just stared at the spot where the blonde had been only a few seconds ago, replaying the conversation in her mind. A tiny smile crossed her lips.

So she was a little nervous. And she could have been a bit smoother. Or said some more interesting things.

But it didn't matter.

The only thought that was in her mind was that Brittany had come over to speak to her when there was no reason or obligation to. Simply because she wanted to.

That had to be a step in the right direction.

Maybe the blonde had noticed her back.

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**A/N: So first off, thank you all sooo much for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Keep it up! They feed my creativity and motivation. **

**As you can see from this chapter, small pieces of Santana's past will be revealed as the story goes. For now, I'll just say there's a lot to it… **

**Secondly, to anyone who isn't sure – 'M.I.A.' is Missing In Action. Yeah… I've been re-watching Buffy Season 4 lately and obviously picked up on the Initiative military-lingo again. **

**Finally, I hope this isn't too unrealistic/over-romantic! I'm trying to keep a balance here but what can I say? I think everyone wants to just get swept up in a person sometimes! **


	3. Chapter 3

When Santana got home that afternoon, she was smiling like an idiot. She strolled into the kitchen and was about to grab herself some juice from the fridge when her mom came in and bombarded her with questions about how everything had gone at the interview… and then, proceeded to ask her how her aunt was. Santana just stared back at the older Latina vacantly. She had been so caught up in her nerves about the interview and then seeing Kurt again after so long that she had completely forgotten her manners. It earned her a light slap on the back of the head and a good old fashioned scolding in Spanish.

But she didn't mind the verbal berating too much. She could just apologize to her aunt the next time she saw her. In the mean time, she was more preoccupied with over-analyzing her latest conversation with Brittany.

Even a few days later, she still couldn't get over how nervous and timid she'd acted. She had always thought of herself as pretty good at flirting… but during her conversation with the blonde, she was like a shadow of her usual self. Why did she find it so difficult to get in the zone with that girl? She'd done the dance plenty of times before. If she saw a girl she liked, she'd walk straight up to them and introduce herself. It's not like she was a player, but she'd certainly never had any trouble getting someone she wanted.

Maybe she was out of practice? It had been quite a while since she tried to 'turn it on with the ladies.' Or maybe every time she tried to 'pick up' a girl in the past she was at a club or a party where everyone was at least slightly drunk?

Then again, the thought of 'putting the moves' on Brittany made Santana sort of uncomfortable. She felt like the girl deserved more than that. She had to approach this situation with more… respect and patience. But what did that mean exactly? What should her next step be?

The blonde seemed to incite something inside of Santana that she had no idea how to decipher… and if there was one thing the Latina really didn't like, it was not knowing or understanding exactly why she felt the way she did. Ever since she'd come out in high school, she promised herself that she would always fully explore and acknowledge all her of feelings, no matter how difficult or inconvenient they may be. Keeping things buried was just a bad idea. She was enough of a bitch naturally without that added pressure.

So Santana had been spending some serious time trying to figure things out ever since she last spoke with Brittany a couple of days ago. She lay on her bed and stared up at her ceiling, embracing the silence in order to better hear her own thoughts. That was until she heard the doorbell ring.

Lifting herself from the mattress, Santana strode out of her bedroom and down the stairs to the front door. She didn't need to check the peephole to know who it was. The day after her interview, she called Kurt and asked him to hang out so they could catch up on old times. Both were excited by the prospect of reconnecting so they planned to go out for coffee one night after he finished work.

'Your chauffeur has arrived.' Kurt bowed slightly as Santana opened the door.

'Are you kidding? I'm not letting you drive. I remember what you did to that car in driver's ed.' Santana scoffed as she hugged her friend and he stepped inside.

Kurt held up his hand defensively. 'I maintain… it was not my fault. They shouldn't have put that traffic cone right in the middle of the course.'

'That was kinda the point.'

Kurt shot Santana a faux glare before smiling broadly and fixing his hairline with a delicate finger. 'So I see you're back in the childhood abode?'

Santana rolled her eyes. 'Don't remind me.'

'It's not _so_ bad.' Kurt shrugged slightly as he looked around the house. 'We had some pretty good times here during senior year.'

'Oh yeah?' Santana challenged with a raised eyebrow. 'Which time are you thinking of? The one where you tried to teach me how to cook blueberry crepes and I got grounded for a month because I set the curtains on fire? Or the time the football team attacked us with water balloons filled with eggs and flour and we had to skip the rest of the day just to come back here and wash the clumps out of our hair?'

Kurt sighed and sent her an apologetic grin. 'It wasn't all bad, San. What about our movie nights?'

Santana smirked despite herself and thought for a long moment. They did have a lot of fun doing nothing sometimes… just talking and hanging out. 'Okay… Maybe this place isn't _so _bad.'

Kurt nodded but then quickly lifted his palm up as if to stop the thought. 'Wait. Please tell me you repainted your room when you moved back in? Black and dungeon-y may have worked back when you were a bitchy teenager… but that is just far too depressing for you to be rocking now.'

Santana cocked her hip to the side and folded her arms. 'There's nothing wrong with my room. It suits me just fine.'

Kurt sighed over-dramatically. 'You know, you're not nearly as badass as you think you are._' _

Santana gaped at the boy and slapped him lightly on the shoulder. 'If you weren't my friend, I would totally kick your ass right now.'

'Oh please. We both know Snix loves me.' Kurt smirked.

Santana laughed at the old nickname for her aggressive alter-ego. 'Doesn't mean she isn't always ready for a fight.'

'I can imagine. Did many unsuspecting college goers feel her wrath while you were the head bitch on campus?'

'A few.' Santana winked. It was true. If anyone dared to insult or hurt her (or anyone she cared about), she wasn't afraid to give them a good piece of her mind. And, if it came to it, exchange blows. She even broke a guy's nose once when he called her a dyke at a party.

As she got a bit older though, Santana realized that sometimes it was best to keep her fiery temper in check. She couldn't just go all fingernails and razorblades on someone every time they got on her nerves. She didn't want to end up in jail.

But that wasn't to say she didn't still let Snix out of her cage every now and then when the moment called for it…

Santana smiled and gestured towards the door. 'Come on. Let's go get our caffeine on.'

Kurt grinned as the Latina pushed him back out the door.

She had really missed this. She always felt like Kurt was one of the few people that could… keep up with her. And now that she had her friend back, she wondered why she had ever let him slip out of her life in the first place.

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When they arrived at the coffee shop, Santana and Kurt placed their orders and took a seat at a small table in the back.

'Déjà vu.' Kurt sighed as he dropped his expensive leather messenger bag down on the floor beside him and removed his equally expensive designer scarf. 'Remember after school lattes?'

'Yeah…' Santana glanced around the shop that had once been one of their favorite hang outs. It was dimly lit, with only a few antique, faux crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The dark green walls matched the heavy upholstery of the couches that were scattered around. They were so soft that if you sat down, your ass would sink in so far that you needed help just to stand up again. Dark wooden floorboards dulled the footsteps of the few other customers that shared the space. It was a cozy, eccentric little place. Not many people knew about it. And that was one of the reasons they had always felt safe and comfortable there.

After a long pause of reminiscence, Kurt spoke up again. 'So… I take it you want to move out then?'

Santana let out a slow breath. 'I guess so. I mean, I never really planned to come back here. In high school, all I ever wanted was to get the hell out of this place. But I don't know… now with the job interview and… everything…' She shrugged. 'Maybe I'll stay for a while…'

Kurt nodded slowly in recognition as he waited for her to continue.

'But obviously I can't go apartment shopping just yet.' Santana smiled sheepishly. 'No money.'

Just then, they heard the barista at the front of the shop call their names, signaling their order was ready. Santana insisted she go get both coffees.

'How chivalrous.' Kurt teased, putting a hand over his chest as she placed his cup him front of him.

'Well _someone _has to be the gentleman around here.' Santana quipped.

'You say that in 5 inch heels and a top so low cut I can practically see your ribcage.'

'Still more manly than you.' The dark haired girl laughed.

'No. I think in this case, we both lose. Neither of us could be truly masculine if we tried.' Kurt grinned widely, taking a long sip from his steaming hot coffee.

'True.' Santana had to agree. Despite her tendency to take command and get into fist fights, she loved being a girly-girl. 'Speaking of boys…' The Latina looked pointedly at her friend over the brim of her coffee cup.

Kurt just shrugged in response and looked away. 'What about them?'

Santana raised a knowing eyebrow at him. 'Come on Kurt. I know you're just dying to tell me about all the little rendezvous you've had lately.'

Kurt let out a heavy sigh. 'Not really.' He said simply. Seeing the brunette's puzzled look though, he realized he should probably elaborate. 'Do you remember that guy I told you about?... Sam?'

'Yeah…' Santana said slowly, vaguely recalling the name being mentioned a few times in their conversations before. She had always just assumed he was a friend.

'Well for almost a year… up until about 3 months ago... we were kinda… together. I never really talked about it because… he wasn't out and… he… he didn't want anyone to know about us.' Kurt fidgeted with the lid on his coffee.

'Oh…' Santana nodded slowly.

'Yeah... I didn't understand what it all meant because… when we were alone, he would be all over me… And then… as soon as there was anyone else around… he… he would barely talk to me. He acted like he didn't even know me sometimes.'

There was a long pause as Santana waited for Kurt to collect his thoughts.

'It was this weird back and forth… And it felt like we were in limbo forever… until eventually… someone caught us kissing in the bathroom at a party. He was so freaked out… He kept saying that he wasn't gay and that it was all just some big mistake…' Kurt scoffed. 'Like you can sleep with someone for a whole year and tell them that you love them… and… it's just a huge accident? I don't think so.'

Santana frowned. 'I'm so sorry, Kurt.'

Kurt took a big breath in and puffed out his chest a bit. 'No. It's okay… I think in my heart, I knew that he was using me. I let him treat me like that for much longer than I should have. So in a way… it was my fault… because I let it happen.'

'Don't say that.' Santana reached across the table and took her friend's hand.

Kurt shook his head but squeezed the hand in his anyway. 'I knew I should have broken up with him the first time he acted like a total asshole in public… the first time he acted like he was ashamed of me.' Kurt closed his eyes, his jaw clenched. 'But I didn't... I… I loved him too. And I just kept hoping that he would… I don't know… get over it?'

Santana waited a long moment before speaking again. 'Why didn't you tell me?' She asked gently. Even though things had been a bit distant between them these past few years, she felt guilty for not knowing what her friend was going through. Why didn't he come to her for help? Maybe he wanted her to notice his pain without him saying anything but she'd been too caught up in her own shit to realize it?

'I… I was embarrassed.' Kurt admitted slowly. Even though he wasn't crying, Santana could tell that it still hurt him a lot to talk about what had happened. His eyes were sad and full of regret.

'You didn't have to be. You know I'd never judge you.' She smiled reassuringly. 'Not that you were in the wrong anyways… He was the one being an idiot.'

'I know… I just… I couldn't help it…' Kurt shrugged. 'It was a really weird stage of my life… My first proper boyfriend… And I got so caught up in it all…' He sighed. 'But I know I could have told you what was going on.'

Another moment of silence fell over them. Santana suddenly wished she'd been more present in her brief conversations with Kurt... made more of an effort. Sometimes she had to remind herself that other people's issues were just as important as her own. She hated that she could be so self-involved without even realizing it. 'So… How did it end?' She asked finally, using the softest tone she could muster.

'After the incident at the party… Sam said he didn't want everyone to think he was some _dirty faggot… _So I slapped him… And then we fought… and… then he left.' Kurt frowned. 'Last I heard, he moved to Kentucky.'

Santana bit her bottom lip and squeezed Kurt's hand again for support. 'That really, _really_ sucks.'

'Yeah…' Kurt stared at a spot on the table between them for a long second before shaking his head and plastering a smile across his face. 'But you know what, it's alright now… It's been a few months and… I think I've moved on okay… I'm over it.'

Santana smiled at her friend. 'He doesn't deserve you.'

'Not even slightly.' Kurt nodded. 'If he wants to stay hidden in the closet like a little bitch for the rest of his life, so be it… He'll just be missing out on all this fine boot-ay.' He wiggled provocatively in his chair and made what he thought looked like a 'sexy face.'

Santana laughed. She knew that Kurt was putting on a brave face. But she didn't want to push it. He would talk about it more if he wanted to. And when that time came, she vowed to be more aware of his feelings than she had been in the past.

However, before she let the topic go entirely, she internally promised herself that if she ever met this 'Sam' kid… she would totally kick his ass.

'So what about you missy?' Kurt asked, taking a swig of his coffee. 'How has love ruined your life lately?'

Santana rolled her eyes. 'Let's not even go there.'

'Ugh! No way!' Kurt smirked. 'I just spilled about my melodrama. The least you can do is return the favor.'

Santana hesitated. She hated this topic. Her past with girls was… complicated. She had no idea where to even start. 'Well… there were a couple of girls at college.'

'Yeah?' Kurt prompted eagerly.

'Nothing that really lasted passed a few months… Except…' Santana stopped herself. No, she definitely didn't want to go down this path.

'Except…?' Kurt pushed. 'Don't leave me hanging San… Spill!'

The Latina groaned a little and brushed the hair away from her face. 'It's nothing exciting. There was this girl in second year… I really liked her… I _thought _she really liked me… Then, she broke my heart. End of story.'

Kurt arched an eyebrow at her cynically. Santana had always been short with him about her relationships post-high school… but now they were talking in person again, he expected more. She wasn't going to get away with it that easy. 'That's all you're gonna give me? I go into crushing detail about my heartache and that's all I get in return?'

Santana breathed out loudly. She knew there wasn't much point in fighting. Kurt would just keep pushing until she cracked. Just like high school. It had actually been one of the reasons that they got so close in the first place.

At first, Santana was stubborn and infuriated by his constant interrogation. But during the times when she would finally give in and talk just to end the frustration, she realized that spilling her emotions to Kurt always made her feel better. She may have required some prodding but… in all honesty, Santana needed someone to open up to. And Kurt knew that. 'So… you know how I don't really trust people right?'

Kurt nodded.

'And I don't let anyone get that close to me because… I…'

'Because you're afraid of getting hurt.' Kurt offered matter-of-factly.

'No! It's… It's not that… it's just…' Santana sighed in defeat. 'Okay yes. I'm afraid of getting hurt.'

'Mhmmm.' Kurt grinned smugly, knowing he was right.

'So… I meet this girl in my English class… And she seems really awesome. She's smart and funny… and cute… and just a little bit strange… but in a good way.' Santana smiled at the memory. 'We get along great… And unlike the few girls I dated during high school, she has no problem with her sexuality… She's cool with all that… And even better, I don't act like a selfish, immature bitch and ruin stuff like I usually do… And everything seems perfect.'

Kurt allowed the long silence, knowing there was more to be said.

'Then… I don't even fucking know… Nothing even happened… After about six months she just… leaves.' Santana twisted her lips in thought. 'I get this fucking ridiculous text message saying some shit about her _not being in the right state of mind to be in relationship_.' Santana spat mockingly. 'Ugh… I had no fucking idea what she was talking about… so I called her on it… And eventually, after a really long fight… she gave in and admitted that… that… she just stopped liking me. Apparently, I wasn't _interesting _or_ exciting _to her anymore… And she didn't feel any desire to be around me...'

Kurt's mouth was wide with disbelief. 'She actually said that?'

'Yep.' Santana folded her arms across her chest defensively.

'But… but why? Did she have someone else on the side?'

'Not that I could tell…' Santana shrugged. 'She didn't start dating anyone else after we broke up. She just… left.'

'That's… really weird.' Kurt titled his head to the side, trying to figure it out. 'How can your feelings towards someone change just like that?'

'I know right?' Santana said emphatically. 'I couldn't understand… I mean, I didn't think it was possible to just… stop liking someone… for no good reason… We didn't have a fight or anything… Nothing happened… One day we're good and the next… it's over.' The brunette shook her head in disbelief. 'But hey… apparently for some people… it's that easy.'

'She clearly had some serious problems.' Kurt mused.

'That's what I thought at first… but you know, it really got me thinking… if it's possible for people's feelings to change so suddenly like that… How can I ever trust any relationship I get into? How can anyone? If you know that one day the other person might wake up and decide they just don't wanna be with you anymore… How can you ever feel safe?'

Kurt sighed quietly. 'You can't think that way San.' He said softly, offering her a gentle smile.

'I know… But it's really hard… At least when I broke up with girls before that, I always knew _why _we broke up.' Santana scrunched her eyebrows together in thought. 'Like… if we were fighting too much or… one person started to have feelings for someone else or… I don't know…' She shrugged. 'All that stuff… it seemed more real… Like there was a legitimate reason for those relationships to end.'

There was a long moment of silence as Santana's dark eyes focused on something in the distance. She bit her bottom lip, not really wanting to continue but knowing that she had to. 'After that… I completely switched off… I figured… if perfectly good relationships can get ruined by nothing at all… Why even bother? So… I just started to mess around with any girl that would have me… I got drunk and went to parties and… tried to forget that… that… I was so scared of being hurt again…'

'San…' Kurt leaned over the table and put his hand onto his friend's arm, running his thumb back and forth gently across the skin.

'I'm not proud of it… I tried to lose myself… But after a while, I just ended up hating my own guts… They meant nothing to me… And I meant nothing to them… One time, I slept with a girl and I didn't even know her name…' Santana shook her head and let out a wry laugh. 'It took a little while… but I eventually realized that I would rather be by myself than hooking up with some random who was just good for a temporary distraction… It made me feel cheap and… gross.'

Kurt nodded in understanding.

'So, about a year ago… I stopped… All of it. I knew that I was happier just being alone than sleeping with drunk girls at parties… or dating girls for a few weeks when I knew they weren't right for me from the moment I met them… I was just using them to… I don't know… pass the time or something… But none of it made me feel like I was worth anything…' Santana finished off her coffee with a long gulp.

'But you are San. You're amazing.' Kurt smiled sadly at her.

The Latina laughed a little in return. 'It's not like I have low self-esteem. That's why I stopped dating actually. Because I knew that I deserved something better… And I was willing to wait until that came along.' Santana nodded to herself. 'I was done fucking around. I wanted something real… Something that felt special.'

'But you have to give people a chance. How can you know if someone is right for you without taking the time to get to know them first?' Kurt wondered aloud.

'I don't know… Maybe you can't…' Santana shrugged. 'Maybe I'm being unrealistic… But… When something's really right… shouldn't it just hit you? Like… yeah, this is what I've been waiting for… this is different…' She paused for a moment, the familiarity of the feeling she was describing making her slightly nervous. Blinking a few times, she tried to shrug it off. 'Anyways… It was good to take a break… To just… Get to know myself again without any distractions or complications…'

'Hmm… that's smart.' Kurt replied thoughtfully.

There was a long, comfortable silence between them as they both considered what the other had just shared. Santana couldn't help but remember what it felt like when she walked into that grocery store and set eyes on a certain blonde for the first time. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she thought of Brittany. She still didn't know exactly what role the blonde would play in her future… but she knew that there was something special there. She never would have felt this way otherwise.

'What's that look for?' Kurt asked, drawing Santana from her thoughts with a huge smirk on his face.

'What? Nothing. What look?' Santana answered a little too quickly.

'You were grinning like a fool.' Kurt lifted his elbow onto the table and rested his chin on his hand cockily. He knew something was up.

'No I wasn't.' Santana blushed. 'I…'

'What aren't you telling me?' Kurt leaned forward slightly, his eyes boring into her.

'Nothing!' Santana squeaked. _Oh yeah. Great acting Lopez. _

Kurt titled his head to the side, taking in her flushed cheeks and avoiding gaze. 'You met someone.'

'No I didn't!' Santana barked defensively. 'I just finished telling you how I don't want to date anyone right now. How can you even ask that?'

'Uh huh.' Kurt folded his arms on the table and shot her a knowing stare. 'But I'm thinking maybe you met some girl, with pretty long eyelashes who made you think twice about that policy…'

'Why would you even think that?' Santana felt herself blush even harder. She really was horrible at hiding things from him.

'Come on San. I know you… You got that same look in the morning whenever you came to school after… and I quote… _a really good sex dream.' _

'But-'

'Who is she?' Kurt smirked.

Santana sighed heavily in resignation. She was caught and Kurt knew it. _Well fuck… _

'She's… She's just this blonde girl that works at the grocery store near my house… Her name's Brittany.'

Kurt squealed with delight. 'I knew it!'

'You have to understand… This was different… I… I didn't go looking or anything… It just… happened.' Santana began frantically. She didn't want to look like a total hypocrite after just preaching about how she was waiting for something special to come along before dating again.

Kurt nodded, the smirk never leaving his eyes. 'So... you like her?'

Santana rolled her eyes. _Oh boy…._

The Latina tried to remain polite as Kurt grilled her about the blonde, asking question after question on every detail he could think of. Santana laughed in amusement and shook her head as he came up with several strange ploys for how to get things moving along faster between the two. And when he finally took a breath, she quickly jumped in and changed the subject to get Kurt started about his acting. After they got onto that topic, he seemed to forget about the whole Brittany situation and they were good to go for the rest of the night.

Before either of them knew it, the coffee shop was closing up. It was late and they decided it was probably time to call it a night. Santana drove them the short distance to her house where Kurt's car was parked and hugged him tightly as they parted at her door. She felt so much lighter after having a good talk with her old friend. Just like in high school, she felt that Kurt was one of the few people she could really be herself with. She knew he would always understand. It almost felt like they'd never been apart.

'So you'll come to the party next Saturday then?' Kurt beamed as he held their hands together between them.

'Yeah yeah I'll come.' Santana smiled. 'But _hopefully…_ I'll see you before that… If I get the job.' She laughed.

'Yes! Of course! You're totally gonna get it!' Kurt giggled. 'Bye sweetie!' He gave her another squeeze before hopping into his car and driving away.

And as Santana climbed the stairs to her bedroom, she knew that things were definitely looking up.

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**A/N: So, as I'm sure you noticed, this chapter was a bit different. A lot more backstory and there were some things in there that are pretty important to the plot. Sorry that it's a bit late though. Whenever I write dialogue, it goes through multiple re-writes and this chapter is like ALL dialogue. So yeah… **

**Anyways I hope you liked it even though there wasn't any Brittana interaction. Don't worry though! That'll be back in full swing in the next installment. **

**As always, let me know what you thought! Do you like the Kurtana friendship? Do you ship Kum (Kurt/Sam)? Review! **


	4. Chapter 4

Santana stretched her limbs out and made a soft sound in the back of her throat as she felt herself slowing drifting into consciousness on Saturday morning. Her eyes were heavy and judging by the amount of sunlight seeping in through the gap in her heavy curtains, it was still quite early. Even though she couldn't remember exactly what she'd been dreaming about, she knew it was far too good to let go without a fight. Turning her face into the pillow, Santana allowed herself to float back into a semi-unconscious state.

Her mind existed somewhere in between reality and dreams. Her involuntary thoughts began to form images behind her eyes and sensations in her body. She let out a sharp breath as arms snaked their way around her hips and a pair of impossibly soft lips ghosted over the side of her neck. Her hands came up to tangle themselves in long, silky locks of hair, pulling the mouth further into her skin. She felt a jolt when teeth scraped lightly over her earlobe and arched her back into the body that seemed just out of reached.

_I know you. _Santana whispered, trying hard to see the face of the girl that was making her heart swell with intimacy.

_I've been here the whole time. _She heard the reply. But it wasn't out loud. It was in her thoughts.

_Are you even real? _Santana whined, feeling an irrational fear and sadness threatening to burst out of her. Her stomach jumped as a hand reached underneath her shirt to tickle at her lower back.

_You're not asking the right questions. _Again, the answer came from somewhere inside of herself. She felt the other body moving away from her own. It was cold and she shivered from the loss.

_Who are you? _She yelled. But the shadow was already gone. Her legs crumbled beneath her and she fell to the ground.

With an abrupt jolt, Santana kicked herself awake. Her face was twisted into a deep frown as if preparing itself for a violent onslaught of tears. She still couldn't comprehend exactly what she'd just been dreaming about but she knew it wasn't good anymore. With a low grumble, she sat up and ran her hands roughly through her hair.

Turning her attention to the clock, she noted that even though it was only 8am, it was time to get up. One bad dream always led to another… and feeling that familiar uneasiness in the pit of her stomach that always followed scary or upsetting dreams, she knew it was better to just stay awake at this point.

Throwing back the covers, Santana sauntered over to her wardrobe and grabbed some clean clothes and underwear before making her way to the bathroom. She yawned at her scruffy reflection in the mirror and poked out her tongue. She was definitely not a morning person. Turning to the large shower in the corner, she pulled open one of the frosted glass doors and played with the faucet until she found the right temperature. Then, swiftly ridding herself of clothing, Santana slipped into the hot spray of water and sighed in contentment.

She already had her day planned out in her head. After a nice long shower, she was going to go downstairs, grab some breakfast and watch some TV before heading back up to get room to get gussied up. Then, instead of driving like she usually did, she planned to take a leisurely walk down to the grocery store and innocently pick up a few essentials. Like some milk… and… stuff. If she _happened_ to run into Brittany again… Well, that would just be a coincidence.

Santana smirked to herself. _Yeah… You're not fooling anyone girl. _Turning her back to the stream, she allowed the water to connect with her back, rolling her shoulders at the calming sensation.

_So… Brittany's a dancer? I wonder what kind of dance she does… _She thought idly. 

Through closed eyes, Santana imagined just what the blonde might looking like dancing around her... Arms above her head… Hips swaying… The Latina felt a quiver run through her center and snapped her eyes back open.

_Ugh! Stop it. _Santana scolded internally. Brittany was certainly hot… and she was definitely attracted to her. But there was something a little bit creepy about thinking about the girl like _that_ while she was naked… in the shower…

She wasn't sure if she should cross that line in her mind just yet.

After all, she still had no idea whether or not Brittany was the kind of girl that would even 'swing that way'.

A crease formed between Santana's eyebrows as she mulled that over. She hadn't really considered the possibility that Brittany might be straight. The blonde certainly hadn't given her that impression… well… she hadn't given her any impression really. She was friendly and warm… and seemed interested in their conversations when they spoke. But did she flirt? No. Not specifically.

Then again, Santana realized that she hadn't really done any obvious flirting herself. She'd always been a bit too nervous to be suave. Maybe if she put herself out there a bit more with the girl soon, she would be able to judge by Brittany's reactions whether she was into girls or not. Her gaydar was usually spot on... so with a few hints she'd know for sure.

Santana sighed as she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. She was still getting ahead of herself. The only thing she should be focusing on right now was getting to know Brittany… maybe developing a friendship with the girl. She had to remind herself of the fact that she didn't know a whole lot about the blonde. And she couldn't be sure of anything she felt until they were better acquainted.

With that thought in mind, she dried off and got ready for her day. Dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a cream, form fitting button up shirt, her hair and makeup done, cereal consumed, teeth brushed and ridiculous cartoons watched… Santana finally put on a pair of sunglasses, grabbed her bag and made the short walk down to the grocery store.

Unlike her other visits, this time the store was full of people. She glanced over to see that luckily Brittany was working.

Unfortunately though… she looked a bit more frazzled than usual as she tried to serve the long line of impatient customers passing through her register.

Her eyebrows lifted slightly in annoyance, Santana walked casually into the store and made her way to the cold storage section. It was then that she noticed a huge red sticker on the front of all the freezer doors. _10% off your shopping when you spend over $50! Saturday only!_

She scoffed quietly at the sign. That was why it was so busy in here? Were people really that desperate? She shook her head in disbelief as she grabbed a carton of milk. She didn't really need it. Even after her cereal this morning, the milk they had in the fridge was still almost full. But she was sure that her mom wouldn't mind too much. It was always good to have extra.

Strolling back to the front of the store, she noticed that the lines had gone down a little. She moved to stand behind a few people waiting to go through Brittany's register. However, just when she was getting close and there were only two customers left ahead of her, Santana heard someone call out to her.

'Excuse me? Miss? This one's free.' From the register opposite them, a girl with reddish brown hair beckoned Santana over with a smile.

Hesitating, the Latina wondered whether she should just ignore the other girl and continue with her business. But she was staring and grinning so intently at her, Santana knew it would look weird. She ruefully walked over and handed the girl her milk.

As she waited for her item to be scanned, she couldn't help but risk a glance over her shoulder at Brittany. She was surprised to find the blonde now finished with her own customers, smiling back at her knowingly with laughter in her eyes. Santana felt the palms of her hands twitch and heat up. Did Brittany know she was only there to see her?

She turned back to the girl currently serving her, quickly paid for her shopping and made her way over to the blonde.

'Hey.' She breathed out, feeling embarrassed before even knowing whether she had been caught out or not.

'Hey there.' Brittany giggled and bit her bottom lip. Santana was sure it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. 'Did you come here to see me?'

'Uh…' Santana swallowed hard. _Fuck... I AM being too obvious. She thinks I'm a stalker. _'I ran out of milk.' She hastily lifted the carton up in front of her for proof, almost hiding behind it. _Oh yeah._ _Real convincing._

Brittany smiled slowly. 'Well… I'm due for a break now anyways. Do you wanna go have lunch again?' She was already reaching beneath the counter to pull out her bag.

Santana's mouth was dry and she felt her heart instantly pick up its rhythm. _Seriously Lopez?_ _Chill the fuck out. She's going to think you're a total spaz if you don't get it together this time. _Taking a deep breath, she plastered the signature confident smirk back onto her face. 'Sure. What did you have in mind?'

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Since Brittany didn't have that long for her lunch break, she suggested they return to the sandwich shop where they'd eaten together a few days ago.

As they made the short walk across the parking lot, Santana found her cheeks burning with nerves. But this time, she refused to give in. 'So… Tell me about yourself. What kinda stuff are you into?' Internally, she groaned. She sounded like she was trying way too hard.

Brittany just smiled gently and let out a soft laugh. 'Hmm… I don't know… Besides dancing… I guess I like reading… um… painting… going camping…' The blonde giggled. 'And playing video games.'

'Video games?' Santana repeated curiously, a little surprised by that admission.

'Yeah. Nothing too serious though.' Brittany shrugged. 'But I love Crash Bandicoot and Mario Brothers. Oh! And Nintendogs! They're so cute!'

Santana had to hold back a snigger… it was just so damn adorable. 'So no Call of Duty… or Skyrim?' She quipped.

Brittany made a face. 'No. Definitely not. I don't like the blood and guts.'

Santana nodded thoughtfully. 'I see… I take it you're also opposed to horror movies then?' Sitting down with a good scary movie was always one of the Latina's favorite things. She just couldn't get enough.

'Sorta... But that might be because I haven't seen very many. I always get too freaked out before the title even comes up.' Brittany admitted shyly.

Santana bit her bottom lip, fighting back a swoon as she watched the blonde's nose crinkle cutely. 'Maybe you're just not watching them with the right people. Horror movies can be really fun.'

There was a slight pause in conversation as the girls entered the sandwich shop and ordered their individual lunches, pulling up a few chairs at the same table they'd sat at last time.

'How so?' Brittany suddenly perked up, taking a bite of her sandwich.

'How so what?' Santana said slowly, not really knowing what the blonde was referring to.

'How can horror movies be fun?' Brittany asked curiously.

Santana twisted her lips a little in thought. 'Well… When I watch a scary movie with friends, we usually turn it into a drinking game.' She grinned mischievously. 'But if I'm watching one alone… And I get really freaked out… I just start thinking about how much the people in the movie would have laughed and mucked around while they were making it.'

Brittany's face lit up. 'Huh… I never thought about that.'

'Yeah.' Santana smiled, pleased with herself. 'Like if a chick is screaming her lungs out because some killer is chasing her down the road… I think to myself… Damn, I bet everyone on the set was laughing their heads off at how ridiculous she looks...' She shrugged. 'It's pretty funny. Almost all horror movies have a least one character acting stupid at some stage or another… I think that's kind of the point.'

Brittany laughed. 'Yeah… like if they weren't so dumb, they would never get themselves into that kinda situation in the first place.'

'Exactly.' Santana beamed before taking a quick bite of her lunch. 'So yeah… I think you should totally give them another go.'

'Hmm… Maybe I will.' Brittany nodded happily.

There was a comfortable pause in conversation as both girls continued to eat their respective lunches. Santana tried her best not to stare at the beautiful blonde sitting across from her. But Brittany was just so adorable; she couldn't help stealing a few subtle glances. She watched as the blonde shook some hair from her face and licked away a couple of crumbs from her lips. Her darting tongue was pink and teasing, forcing Santana's heart to skip a beat or two.

'So… did you end up getting that job?' Brittany suddenly asked in between chews.

Santana jumped a little as she focused back on the girl's bright blue eyes. _Wow. She remembered. _'Uh… I'm not sure yet. Still waiting to hear back from them.'

Brittany nodded in response. 'What was it for?'

'A newspaper.' Santana said brightly, a small blush on her cheeks. 'I kinda want to get into journalism.'

'Oooh… That sounds cool. Are you a writer?' Brittany titled her head to the side curiously.

'Well… sort of. Maybe?... I think I want to be.' Santana smiled.

'Have you written anything lately?'

'Uh…' Santana stalled. Truth was she wrote all the time. But it was mostly just in her head. When she did put pen to paper, it was rarely anything cohesive. More like just random thoughts or ideas. Although that wasn't to say she hadn't written a short fiction or two in the past. 'A few things.'

'Stories?' Brittany straightened up a bit in her seat. She seemed excited by this prospect.

'Yeah.' Santana shrugged. 'I guess you could call them that.'

'What are they about?' The blonde leaned forward with interest.

'Um… All kinds of things really… Things I've felt… Things I've dreamt about… Things I've wished would happen…' Santana replied, getting a little lost in her thoughts. When she finished speaking, she wondered if maybe she'd revealed too much of herself and a prickling heat began creeping into her cheeks.

'Like fantasy?' Brittany asked quietly, a sparkle in her eye.

'Yeah…' Santana replied slowly, completely drawn in by the blonde's inquisitive gaze. Brittany had her elbows on the table, leaning forward, her ears perked up intently to their conversation. The Latina felt her throat dry up and suddenly it was difficult to swallow.

'Could I read one sometime? I really like fantasy stories.' Brittany smiled softly.

Before she could stop herself, Santana felt her head nodding in reply. 'Sure.' _What are you doing you fucking idiot? You never let anyone read your writing! _She suddenly realized she had to change the subject… and fast. 'But only if you show me some kick ass dance moves in return.'

Brittany laughed and finally leaned back into her seat.

'What kind of dancing do you do anyways?' Santana continued.

'Well… mostly contemporary. But I have dabbled in a bit of everything. Hip-hop, ballet, jazz…' Brittany grinned. 'I like it all… But contemporary's what I've had the most formal training in.'

Santana gave an appreciative nod. 'Contemporary huh? Can't say I know much about that… but when it comes to dancing, I pretty much just have one standard move… Hands up, wiggle your hips and hope for the best.'

Brittany giggled and lifted her elbow onto the table to lean her cheek against her fist. 'Oh yeah? And what's that move called?'

Santana smirked. 'Well I call it the _Sexy Snix_.'

This drew even more laughter from the blonde. 'The _Sexy Snix_? Why's that?'

'Because… it's all sexified…' Santana blushed. 'And that's my nickname... Snix.' She shrugged, a huge smile on her face.

There was a long pause as Brittany just grinned and slowly shook her head. 'You're a funny one.'

Santana furrowed her brow at the comment. 'Funny as in weird… Or… funny as in amusing?'

'Funny as in… sweet.' Brittany bit her bottom lip shyly. For a long moment, their eyes held together, neither girl moving as the air around them seemed to grow thick.

Santana felt the burn in her cheeks at the compliment but didn't dare say anything in return for fear of ruining the moment. She wasn't sure if the blonde was still just being friendly and kind… or if this was something more.

However, after a few long seconds, she was surprised when blue eyes abruptly left hers, staring out the window as they appeared to be taken over by a different emotion. What was it that suddenly passed through Brittany's mind? Fear? Guilt? Sadness? Regret? It was impossible to tell. But whatever it was… it wasn't a happy thought.

The blonde pointedly glanced down at her watch. 'Oh… Um… Looks like my break's over.' She frowned apologetically. 'Thanks for the company Santana.' She said politely, a tiny smile found her lips… but it didn't reach her eyes.

'Yeah… thanks.' Santana followed Brittany to stand as the girl collected the wrapper from her sandwich off the table. She was still trying to figure out how the mood had changed so suddenly from friendly banter and light flirtation to the somber, thoughtful gaze she had seen flash across the blonde's face.

'See you round.' Brittany offered her another small smile as she stepped away from the table and waved feebly as she left the shop.

Sitting back down in her seat, Santana wondered if she had said something wrong. No. That wasn't possible. She was almost positive she'd played it pretty smooth this time around. And besides, it was only after Brittany's own subtle compliment to her that the blonde's demeanor had shifted. Her lips twisted in thought. It was odd. Why would Brittany feel strangely after that? She was sure she'd given the girl every indication through her eyes that she appreciated the small gesture…

Santana finally shrugged her shoulders, allowing the thought to pass. Whatever it was, she was never going to figure it out by herself. And at this stage in their friendship, she certainly wasn't in the position to question Brittany on it. She just hoped the next time she saw the blonde; she was back to her cheerful, upbeat self.

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Sunday passed by relatively uneventful as Santana spent the day re-watching some of her reliable, feel-good DVDs and trying not to focus too hard on anything… especially the confusing turn in her latest conversation with Brittany and the call she was hoping to receive the following day from the newspaper. She didn't want to over think either situation. They were both out of her hands for the time being and it would only stress her out to continue torturing herself with _what if's_ and _maybes._

When Monday morning finally did arrive, Santana sat by the phone, ready for it to ring at any moment but not really expecting it to at the same time. Half of her was sure she'd got the internship. The other half was positive she'd screwed it up.

When the shrill sound of ringing pierced the air, she jumped and grabbed the receiver with shaky hands. A broad smile spread across her lips as the man on the other end informed her of her success and when she eventually hung up, Santana turned up the music and bounced around giddily for a solid ten minutes, even doing the 'Sexy Snix' in celebration. Even though she rarely showed it, the usually sarcastic, straight-faced brunette just enjoyed being silly sometimes.

As she danced around her bedroom, she realized that somehow landing this job had come to mean more to her than she'd known. It was her first big step into the 'adult world' and she finally felt like maybe she was ready for it.

What's more, Santana also began to feel that the simple appearance of this blonde stranger in her world was connected to everything… even though she barely knew girl. Like, if she hadn't met her on that fateful day not so long ago, she may still be brooding silently in her room, waiting for her life to arrive. But instead, she'd rediscovered her drive, landed herself a real job and reunited with someone who used to mean everything in the world to her.

Santana knew from the moment her eyes landed on Kurt in that office, their friendship would be rekindled. And he was just the kind of friend she had been longing for these past months… Just what she'd been missing…

She thought maybe, just maybe, she had been destined to meet this girl all along. That something in those sparkling blue eyes held the key to all of life's questions.

Santana laughed at herself and flopped down onto her bed. Now she was definitely getting carried away. All that spinning really must have gotten to her head. Destiny? Yeah right. Because Brittany was sent into her life by some magical, cosmic force that would change everything… _I don't think so._ She rolled her eyes.

It was one thing to feel inspired and be positive because your life took an interesting turn, it was quite another to get all sappy and spiritual about it. Santana had never been one for that sort of thing. She was always pretty realistic.

_She's… just a girl._ Santana rationalized with herself. She had needed to change her life for a long time and now finally, she'd found the spark inside of herself to do it. Meeting the blonde at the grocery store that day was just… incidental. A catalyst.

…Right?

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**A/N: Guys thanks SO much for your reviews. They really mean a lot to me! Just knowing that someone out there is actually reading the stuff I write keeps me going so… yeah. Thanks!**

**Hope you enjoyed the Brittana interaction this chapter. Hmm… wonder what was up with Britt though? What do you guys think it is? **

**There's a BIG chapter up next. I'll try to get it out as quick as possible but I want it to be perfect so… I may be meticulous and also finicky. Just feed me some more reviews to prod me along lol They're like speed for my creativity. **

**(Side note: DAMN! Did you all see that picture of Brittana on Valentine's that Naya posted recently? *fangirl squeal* Just thought I'd share!) **


	5. Chapter 5

**So some quick notes before we start:  
>The first song is "My First Kiss" – 3OH!3 Feat. Ke-Dollar Sign-Ha (lol) <strong>

**And the second one is "Right Round" – Flo Rida **

**Yeah. They're not new songs. But I like them so who cares! I don't usually put songs into my fics but I think it's more fun if you listen to them while you read about someone dancing. I find it easier to picture the scene that way. And in my opinion, it gives the party atmosphere. Get them prepped if you wanna listen while you read!**

**Now, on to the next installment! **

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By the time the following weekend rolled around, Santana felt she had settled into her new job as well as could be expected. After finding out that she'd gotten the position, she spent the better part of Monday afternoon shopping for some more 'business-y' type outfits that she could wear to the office.

Her first day on Tuesday was a little nerve-racking and at times, she felt overwhelmed by the prospect of learning how to do so many new things… but thankfully Kurt was there to keep her level when they went on their lunch breaks together. He reminded her that every job was stressful at first and that once she'd been there for a couple of weeks, it would all be easy as pie.

And he was right. Each day everything got a little bit easier and she relaxed a little bit more. Her aunt also helped on occasion. She had a lot experience working at the newspaper and whenever Santana was embarrassed to ask her supervisor a question that she felt was too obvious or silly, she could always discreetly slip over to her aunt's desk for a quick chat.

Everything at the office was panning out almost better than she'd expected. And to make things even sweeter, her mom had been absolutely thrilled with her ever since she landed the job… so they'd been getting along famously and hadn't had one fight the whole week. It was a new record. Because even though they really loved each other, their personalities were just too similar not to clash every now and then.

The only downside to her week was that Santana hadn't realized just how tiring it was working a full-time job. When she got home at 6 each day, all she wanted to do was flop down onto her bed and go to sleep. She didn't even have enough energy to get on her laptop and troll the net. And that was pretty much one of her favorite things to do.

So on Friday night, when she left the office, she made sure to take full advantage of her relaxation time, knowing she needed to rest up for Kurt's friend's party the following day.

It had been quite a while since Santana last went to a real 'party'. And even though it wasn't really her thing anymore, she decided to make an exception for Kurt. He seemed pretty excited about it. And besides, how bad could it be? _Probably just a bunch of pretentious actors and other far too fashionably dressed males of questionable sexuality… _She mused. _I can't really see that scenario getting out of hand. _

Even though she expected the night to be a letdown, on Saturday afternoon, Santana spent a good 2 hours getting ready and tried on dozens of different outfits until she found something that was absolutely perfect. Regardless of how things turned out, she decided she wanted to look her best.

At about 9pm, Santana heard that distinctive knock on her front door and tugged it open to find Kurt immaculately dressed in a dark grey suit and thin lavender tie ensemble.

'Hey lady lips.' She smirked.

Kurt gaped at her in mock offense as he stepped inside. 'If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were insulting me.'

'Who says I'm not?' Santana quipped, a huge grin stretching her lips.

There was a slight pause as Kurt rolled his eyes at her and smiled before stepping back to appraise her outfit like he always did. 'Well aren't we looking lovely this evening? I see you haven't forgotten how to dress to your… um… _assets.'_

Santana felt a small blush creep into her cheeks as she looked down at herself and smoothed out her simple black dress. It wasn't anything too fancy, but the cut was very flattering and showed off her curves nicely. And when combined with some black leather boots and silver jewelry, she felt that it was fitting for their night out. 'Are you saying I look slutty?' Santana raised a challenging eyebrow at her friend.

'No. Why would I ever say a thing like that?' Kurt asked sarcastically and giggled as the brunette gave him a playful shove.

'Shut up. I look hot. You're just jealous.' Santana teased.

'Are you kidding? See this outfit?' Kurt did a little twirl in his suit. 'Cost me three weeks pay.' He grinned proudly. 'Suffice to say, I feel pretty damn fine myself tonight.'

Santana laughed but nodded her agreement anyways. 'How about we get going then stud… before we set this place on fire with our overwhelming hotness?'

'Lead the way sweet cheeks!' Kurt gestured with his arm and followed Santana back out to his car with a spring in his step.

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Even as they pulled up at the curb, Santana knew the party was going to be nothing like what she'd expected. The music was pounding. There were people everywhere. And someone was already passed out on the lawn in front of the house.

'Are you sure this is the right place?' Santana inquired as Kurt turned off the engine and opened his door.

'Yes… Why?' He asked with a hint of laughter in his voice.

'When you said we were going to your friend's party, I just thought it would be… I don't know… calmer? I thought there would be cocktails and smooth jazz music or something…' Santana moved around the car to follow her friend closely as he strolled up to the house.

Kurt shot her an amused expression. 'While_ I_ may possess impeccable taste and sophistication, not everyone can be as lucky. Even the uber-gay performing arts kids can throw keggers.'

Santana frowned as they stepped inside and almost immediately had to dodge a tall, bulky guy covering his nakedness as he bolted out the front door and began to streak down the road. 'Really? These are the so called _artists _of our generation?'

Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled. 'Come on San, lighten up.' He looked as if he was about to say something else to her but was interrupted by a heavy tap on the shoulder.

'Kurt! There you are!' A short guy with dark wavy hair and thick eyebrows came to stand next to him, a big grin on his face.

'Hey Blaine… How's it going?' Santana watched on with a smirk as Kurt blushed slightly and gave the boy a quick hug. 'Uh… This is my friend Santana.' Kurt took a step back and gestured towards the Latina as Blaine moved to shake her hand politely.

'Nice to meet you.' Blaine offered.

'A pleasure.' Santana replied as pleasantly as she could manage over the blaring music.

'So glad you guys could make it.' Blaine said a little too loudly, obviously already bordering on tipsy. 'Hey! I'm just about to get myself another drink. Come with me!'

Kurt smiled and took Santana's hand as he dragged them through the mass of people behind Blaine. When they reached a small bar set up in the corner of the living room, their host poured them each a shot of Irish cream and Butterscotch Schnapps.

And then another.

And then another…

Santana had never tried the combination before, but had to say she loved the drink from her first taste. It was sweet and burned her throat soothingly like all good alcohol should. They shared a laugh as Blaine poured them yet another round and when it was gone, Kurt held a hand over his glass in protest.

'Whoa. How bout we drop it back into second gear for a while? It's still early!' He laughed.

'Spoil sport.' Blaine grinned but put down the bottles anyway. 'Perhaps a beer instead?'

Santana shrugged, not really minding either way but Kurt shook his head and made a face. 'Not for me. Haven't you got anything more… girly?'

Blaine's face lit up and he reached back under the bar, pulling out some vodka and orange juice from the mini-fridge. 'Better?'

'Much.' Kurt smiled and watched as Blaine carefully measured out three identical drinks.

'Thanks.' Santana nodded gratefully as she took the stereotypical red plastic cup and had a taste.

'Mmmm.' Kurt hummed, also taking a swig. 'You sure do have a talent for mixing drinks. Ever considered switching professions?'

Blaine laughed. 'Now Kurt, you know my heart belongs to the stage.'

'Those shots we were doing before… What were they called?' Santana asked curiously.

'Oh... Cowboys…' Blaine smiled mischievously and hesitated for a second. 'Uh… Cowboy Cocksuckers… to be more precise.'

Upon hearing this Kurt's face instantly reddened and he began to choke on his drink. Santana just giggled at his embarrassment. She loved drinks that had dirty names. For some reason, they were always the nicest.

The three of them continued to drink and chat at the bar for a few more minutes, Santana watching on with growing amusement at Kurt's obvious fawning over the shorter guy. As the two boys began to talk animatedly about some Broadway star's latest autobiography though, she allowed herself to tune out of the conversation and take her first proper look around the party.

There were people everywhere. The crowd was so thick that there was barely enough room to move around. It reminded her of the parties she used to go to at college… except with less frat boys and sorority girls. This was certainly not what she'd pictured her night to be like. The group appeared to be a mix of everything – Gay, straight, male, female, over-dressed, under-dressed… and everything in between. However, Santana now realized that assuming all of Kurt's friends would be like little clones of him was a ridiculous concept and she chided herself for being so closed-minded.

Feeling the need to explore a bit further and knowing that Kurt and Blaine were more than entertained without her presence for the time being, Santana excused herself for a walk and wound her way through the throng of partygoers out of the living room and into the kitchen.

There were still quite a lot of people taking up the space even though it was slightly less crowded than the previous room. Santana looked on with interest as people talked and laughed around her… but upon hearing a familiar song blast through the house, she found herself gravitating towards the source of the music.

_My first kiss went a little like this… _

It was coming from the dining room. The table had been pushed up against the wall and was currently holding about a dozen half-empty bowls of chips, pretzels and other snack foods as well as being scattered with numerous red plastic cups. In the corner, Santana spotted a wannabe DJ set up with his own turntables and seriously expensive-looking set of oversized speakers. The people in this room were all dancing and jumping around… and she smiled to herself for a moment as she thought of Brittany.

And then her heart skipped a beat. A minute long beat.

_Brittany?_

Her eyes focused in on the dancer and she almost wondered if she'd dreamed the girl into existence. But the longer she stared, the more it became clear that this was real. It was definitely Brittany dancing effortlessly in the center of the room, putting everyone around her to shame. Although she certainly looked different out of her cashier's uniform… dressed in pair of jean short shorts, a very loose fitting t-shirt and boots. Not to mention her hair was down and much more tousled than usual.

_This is getting fucking ridiculous. _Santana shook her head in complete disbelief and blinked a few times. _I mean, I know this is a small town but seriously? She's everywhere!_

Glancing around a little desperately, Santana wondered what her best course of action was. There were pretty much only two ways this could go. She could walk straight up to Brittany and say hi. _And look like a stalker. _Or she could simply pretend that she hadn't seen the blonde and move to another room of the party with Brittany never the wiser. And right now that seemed like the more sensible option.

Because honestly… she worried that the girl really would begin to think that she followed her everywhere.

But as Santana's eyes continued to flicker over the ground near her feet while she weighed up her options, her decision was made for her.

'Santana?' There was a shout from the crowd in front of her.

The brunette didn't need to look up. She knew it was Brittany. She'd been spotted. Squeezing her eyes shut, she cursed herself for not just turning around and walking away the second she noticed the blonde.

'Santana?' She heard again, this time the voice wasn't as loud but it was much closer.

She finally turned her gaze upwards and caught sight of Brittany making her way over. Taking a deep breath, the Latina attempted to swallow her nerves and form a polite smile on her face.

'Uh hey Brittany. Didn't expect to see you here.' Santana tried her best to sound casual as the girl came to stand in front of her. 'How's it going?'

'Great! This party is awesome!' Brittany said excitedly. From the way she was grinning and bouncing around, Santana could tell that like Blaine, she'd obviously had a few drinks already tonight.

Santana giggled and then paused for a few seconds, not really sure what to say next. Luckily, she was saved from the sudden mental blank when a new song began pumping through the room and the blonde's face noticeably lit up in recognition. 'Oh! I love this song! Come dance with me!' Brittany beamed, grabbing Santana's hand and tugging her back towards the middle of the room.

_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down... When you go down down… _

Santana barely had enough time to get over her surprise at Brittany's suggestion before she found herself confined within the mass of people and the blonde lifting the hand she still held up above their heads and began dancing. Trying her hardest to suppress the uneasiness in her gut, Santana attempted to find the rhythm as her eyes focused on anything but the girl in front of her.

'Come on San! Don't just stand there!' Brittany laughed and Santana was forced to look up. Blue eyes smiled at her in amusement and she felt her cheeks burning when Brittany suddenly seized her other hand and took a step towards her, guiding the Latina's movements with her own.

Santana's mouth went dry. Not only was Brittany holding onto her but she was now far too close than seemed appropriate. Of course, she wasn't complaining. But it wasn't exactly helping in her quest to find the beat. Usually dancing was easy for her… but with Brittany's close proximity and the fact that she was worried about embarrassing herself in front of the obviously skilled dancer, she just couldn't seem to get into the song.

After another few moments of semi-awkward swaying, Brittany let go of Santana's hands with a giggle and leant in close to her ear so she could be heard over the music. 'Where's that _Sexy Snix_ you were telling me about?'

Santana shivered at the blonde's hot breath on her ear and simply nodded. She closed her eyes, trying her best to pretend that Brittany wasn't there, and slowly began her practiced dance. A few long seconds passed and she bit her lip anxiously, sure that when she finally opened her eyes again, Brittany was going to be laughing at her… but when she looked up, she only saw a pleased grin on the girl's face.

'I like it.' Brittany said as she leant into her ear again. Instead of pulling back to dance on her own though, she turned her back to Santana, glancing over her shoulder seductively at the Latina before beginning a dance that was equally as sexy… if not more so.

Santana had to force herself not to gape at the blonde. She had no idea that the girl could be so… forward. Maybe it was the alcohol or even just the party atmosphere, but Brittany was certainly not shy about being flirty now. This new side of her caught Santana completely off guard…And to make things even worse, she felt the Cowboy shots she'd done before begin to take hold of her own inhibitions. Before she could even comprehend what she was doing, her hands had dropped from their position above her head and rested lightly on Brittany's hips as she moved.

The blonde smiled back at her and after a few moments, she turned around to face Santana, hanging her hands loosely on the Latina's neck.

Even over the impossibly loud music, Santana could have sworn she heard her heart pounding against her ribcage. The air must have been full of invisible sparks because every time Brittany's body moved against hers, she felt like a shock of electricity pulsed through her veins. Blue eyes remained locked on hers and she held her breath as she fought to look away.

It wasn't until the song changed again and Brittany let go of her and took a step back that Santana was finally able to shake herself from her stupor.

'Do you wanna go outside?' Brittany asked brightly, fanning herself with her hand. 'I need some fresh air.'

Santana agreed. It certainly was getting hot inside. 'Uh yeah… okay.' She nodded, surprised as the blonde took her hand again and led them through the crowd and out into the backyard.

There weren't many people outside. A small group stood near the back door smoking and from what she could see, only four or five others were scattered around the rest of the large space.

Paths traced through rows of flowers and a tall hedge lined the outskirts, obscuring the garden from the prying eyes of neighbors. There were a few benches placed around the obviously meticulously kept yard, with a small wooden gazebo in the middle and a little stone fountain off to the side.

Once they had stepped out into the cool night air and moved passed the smokers, Brittany pointed towards something behind the fountain. It was a chair swing.

She pulled Santana over and sat them down.

'Much better.' She sighed, taking in a deep breath and leaning her head back against the seat.

'Yeah.' Santana smiled. It was a perfect night. It wasn't too warm or too cold… And the moon was big and bright.

There was a long moment of silence before Santana finally spoke up again. 'So… um… how do you know Blaine?' It was a pretty lame question. But to be honest, she was genuinely interested to know how they had both ended up at the same party. And she wanted to get her focus on anything besides what had just happened inside.

'Through a friend.' Brittany replied vaguely with a lazy grin on her face. Santana raised an eyebrow but smiled. It was clear that the girl was more than a little tipsy.

'Cool.' Santana murmured, not really knowing what else to say.

Again, there was a long pause. It made the Latina nervous. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to say something or not. Brittany seemed quite happy to just sit there, swinging the chair back and forth gently, staring at the fountain with a big smile and half-closed eyes.

'You know what's a funny word?' The blonde suddenly broke through the quiet with a contemplative question. 'Water.'

Santana held back a laugh at Brittany's serious expression.

'Waaa-ter.' She continued, sounding the word out slowly on her tongue.

Biting her bottom lip to stop from sniggering, Santana turned towards Brittany. Even though she was feeling a tad light-headed herself from the alcohol, she hoped the blonde wasn't too far gone. 'Are you alright?'

The blonde continued to stare at the fountain for another few drawn out seconds before shaking her head and straightening up in her seat. 'Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?' She smiled brightly. 'Do you ever think about weird stuff like that? You know, why things are… what they… are?'

Santana titled her head to the side. 'I guess so?'

'I mean… just because somebody ages and ages ago said that this-' Brittany scooted forward and reached out to flick her fingers through the stream of water pouring from the fountain. 'Should be called _water… _Doesn't mean that's what it actually is. Like… maybe it's supposed to be called something else. How do we know?'

Santana wondered how much of what Brittany was trying to explain could be attributed to _drunk logic..._ or if the girl really had a point. She knew that when she herself got really contemplative, she began to wonder 'why' about almost everything. Why is anything the way it is?

As the Latina pondered this question further though, she almost jumped out of her skin when Brittany's body shifted closer and her head came to rest on her shoulder. 'Do you mind?' She heard the blonde whisper quietly. 'My head was tired.'

Santana could only shake her head and try to control her breathing. She knew that it was most likely the alcohol. That had to be the reason why Brittany was acting so… comfortable around her. But it didn't stop the brunette from finding her behavior completely adorable at the same time. First the dancing and now this intimate gesture… Santana knew that spark of hope inside of her had increased tenfold. She had tried to keep it mostly smothered up until now… but in the last hour or so, Brittany had managed to toss a whole container of gasoline on it and the fire inside was now raging away mercilessly.

'I like you.' Brittany hummed.

Santana was glad the other girl wasn't facing her so she couldn't see her eyes bulging out of her head. Did that mean what she hoped it meant? Should she make a move? Is that why Brittany was getting all snuggly with her? Was it a hint? Her mind was racing and her heart was slamming around wildly inside her chest. She was terrified of misinterpreting things but… it seemed an awful lot like this tipsy, inhibition-less Brittany was dropping some very obvious suggestions.

Or was that just her wishful thinking and her own intoxicated reasoning?

Santana didn't have much time to question it further though when Brittany spoke again. 'You're cool. We should totally be friends.'

The Latina stopped mid-panic and felt her stomach drop. It wasn't a total rejection. But it certainly wasn't what she thought the blonde was implying earlier. 'Yeah… totally.' She replied solemnly.

Luckily, Brittany didn't seem to notice her disappointment. 'We should hang out and stuff.'

'Yeah.' Santana nodded, doing her best to smile.

'Gimme your number.' Brittany asked with a grin, slurring a bit as she lifted her head and pulled out her phone. She passed it to Santana and once the brunette had entered her digits and given it back, Brittany held out her hand expectantly.

Santana quirked an eyebrow at her.

'Well… don't you want mine too?' Brittany giggled.

'Oh... Right.' As lady-like as she could manage, Santana reached into her bra and pulled out her phone.

Brittany took it with a wide smirk. 'Do you always keep that in there?'

Santana blushed and looked down at her hands. 'No… I just don't have any pockets.' She shrugged.

Brittany let out a small chuckle and entered her number into the phone.

'Thanks.' Santana breathed, taking the device back and staring at the screen with Brittany's digits on it for a long moment.

'Maybe now we can hang out somewhere other than the grocery store or the sandwich shop.' The blonde grinned.

Santana couldn't help but smile back as she looked over at Brittany. It wasn't exactly what she'd hoped for… but it was still a step forward. _It's not over yet. _She thought, trying to be optimistic. _I got her number. She wants to hang out more. So what if we move slowly? That's probably better anyways. Friends first, then maybe something more later…_

Their short staring competition was interrupted though by a tall, slender guy with dark hair, who strode over to them from the house and placed a hand on Brittany's shoulder from behind.

'Hey there. Thought I'd lost you for a minute.' He said with a gentle smile.

Brittany spun around to acknowledge the boy. 'Oh hey.' Santana wasn't sure if she was reading into things too much, but she thought she saw Brittany tense up a little at his presence. 'This is my friend, Santana.' She offered, gesturing towards the Latina.

Santana held out her hand to the guy, nodding politely as he shook it.

'Santana… this is Mike.' Brittany murmured slowly. Her tone was strange. Indistinguishable.

Santana's eyebrows furrowed deeply. Even through the dim light, she saw the blonde's eyes flicker with something she'd only seen once before. That same odd expression she'd held for just a moment the last time they had lunch together at the sandwich shop…

'Her boyfriend.' The guy announced proudly.

And just like that, Santana's world crumbled around her.

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**A/N: Oooooh. Surprise ending. Who saw that coming? What do you think will happen?**

**Oh and how bout that Klaine? Are you guys feeling it or do you want Sam to make another appearance in Kurt's life?**

**As always, thanks so much for all your reviews! Let me know what you think! **

**Side note: When I wrote 'stereotypical red plastic cup' all I could think was… "Red solo cup… I fill you up… Let's have a party!" = ) **

**Also, in this chapter, Brittany is rocking something similar to the Ke$ha look from 'Blame it on the alcohol.' Just in case you were interested. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just a quick response for some of the reviews you guys have left.**

I've been asked if I will add more characters like Quinn and Rachel to the story. To this I say... it's possible that one or both of them will make an appearance in later chapters ;) I have parts for them in mind but I just wanna see how things go right now before moving on to that.

**Also, there were some people who want more Sam and some who want more Blaine... and some who didn't care at all lol Just wanna say, whatever happens, Kurt's love life will be very background so don't worry. It won't detract from the Brittana. **

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Santana slammed her bedroom door so hard that she swore she heard the wood splinter. Each breath rattled through her chest and she pulled her at hair in frustration as she sunk to the floor, trying her best to hold onto the furious sobs that were bubbling up in her throat.

'Santana? What on earth was that bang? Are you alright honey?' Her mother knocked firmly on the door. 'Let me in.'

'Go away! I'm fine.' Santana shouted.

But her mother just switched from knocking to jiggling the doorknob. 'What happened?'

Santana quickly spun around to grab the handle and turn the lock in order to stop her mother from twisting it open. 'Fuck off Mom! It's none of your business. Leave me alone!' Santana yelled, louder this time, the tears stinging painfully at her eyes and making it difficult to swallow.

'What's going on? Open this door right now!'

'Just go back to bed! I'm fine!' Santana's voice cracked, the pain suddenly breaking through. She roughly kicked off her heels before moving over to her laptop and plugging in some headphones. Selecting the most obscenely loud and angry music she could find, she turned up the volume as high as it would go to drone out the shouts and knocks she expected were continuing from her mother out in the hallway.

She would pay for it in the morning. She knew that. The older Latina was now probably fuming.

But she didn't care. If Santana opened that door, she would only make it worse. And she'd already fucked up enough things for one night.

As she shifted from her desk to her bed, carrying the laptop with her, Santana tried her hardest to get a hold on her breathing. By this point, it was coming in gasps and she could practically feel her heart blocking the airway.

Two little words...

Just two stupid, fucking words were all it took to turn her into this disgusting, self-loathing mess.

_Her boyfriend. _

Up until that moment, Santana could have denied that she really liked Brittany. She could have pretended that it was just a stupid crush... something that she could forget about in two seconds if she had really wanted to. She could have said it wasn't serious... It wasn't something that could hurt her.

But when those words were said, buzzing around her head like fireflies in the night air... she knew. It was serious. It wasn't just a silly crush. She really had invested way too much of herself. She really had fallen for Brittany and rediscovered a hope and desire for romance that she thought she'd lost long ago.

Brittany was connected to everything good that was happening in her life. Brittany was supposed to be the light at the end of her tunnel...

Now what?

Santana curled her body up into a tight ball on the mattress. She couldn't stop replaying the night in her head. Over and over...

_Boyfriend? Santana repeated the word in her head. It sounded so foreign. But the hesitation lasted only a brief moment before she nodded her head in acknowledgement and forced a smile._

'_Do you wanna come back inside? We're gonna have a dance off!' Mike asked Brittany as he bounced on his heels and gestured towards the house, completely oblivious to Santana's inner turmoil._

'_Uh... yeah. Sure.' Brittany hesitated. 'I'll meet you in there.' _

'_Okay.' Mike grinned, leaning down to place a quick peck on the blonde's cheek before spinning around and heading back in._

_Santana could feel Brittany staring at her. She knew she needed to be convincing. She couldn't show the girl how hurt and disappointed she was. She refused to embarrass herself like that. So not missing a beat, she took a sharp breath, straightened up and put on her best cheerful expression._

'_You never said you had a boyfriend. He's cute!' As the words left her tongue Santana could taste their bitter flavour. Lying never bothered her that much in the past... but it felt so dirty this time. _

'_Yeah...' Brittany replied slowly, watching the brunette with a strange look in her eyes._

_Santana flinched. It wasn't possible that the blonde could see through her act... was it? _

'_Have you been going out long?' The Latina tried to sound eager, like she was dying to hear all the details._

'_Not really.' Brittany's tone was questioning. _

'_Oh... Well you'll have to fill me in next time.' Santana smiled broadly and stood. 'I better catch up with my friends. They probably have no idea where I went.'_

'_Okay then.' Brittany moved to follow her back inside but Santana was too quick._

'_See ya.' She hastily called over her shoulder and took off towards the house with long strides. _

_Once she got inside, she shoved a few people roughly out of her way, trying to get to Kurt as quickly as possible. She just hoped he would still be at the bar with Blaine. She was really not in the mood to wander around searching for him. She needed to get out of this place. Maybe then she could breathe. _

'_Watch it whore!' A tall, heavyset girl with glasses and far too much attitude shoved her into the wall as Santana rushed past._

_Turning back, the Latina's eyes narrowed dangerously. She was already teetering on the edge. If this girl wanted to start a fight, she knew it wouldn't take much to set her off. 'What the fuck did you just call me?'_

'_You heard me slut.' The girl retorted without hesitation._

_And that was more than enough. 'Maybe if you didn't take up so much space _Poppin Fresh..._ It wouldn't be so hard to get around you.'_

'_You don't wanna push me J-Lo. I will tear. You. Up.' _

'_Oh really? I'd like to see you tear anything up with those big fat, greasy fingers.' Santana smirked. She was in full Snix mode at this point and there was no stopping her. It was almost a relief to let the rage flow freely. She could feel a crowd gathering around them and it just egged her on more. She always worked better with an audience. 'Why don't you just turn around and go back to the kitchen... We all know how much the fridge must be missing your company.' _

_The people watching them shared a mixture of gasps and muffled laughter... and the bigger girl looked around with fire in her eyes. _

'_I'm feeling charitable today... so I'll give you a choice chica. I can beat down your bony, lopsided ass right here... or we can be ladies and take it outside?' _

_Santana clenched her jaw and folded her arms across her chest defiantly. 'You couldn't be a lady, Michael Moore, if your life depended on it.'_

'_That's it!' The girl lunged at Santana, grabbing hold of her face and throwing her hard against the wall. _

_The brunette collided with a heavy thud but was up again in a heartbeat, backhanding the girl's face with as much force as she could manage. The girl stumbled a bit, obviously surprised by the small Latina's strength. _

_Santana, ready to capitalize on her opponent's momentary stumble, stepped forward to move in for another strike but felt herself being dragged backwards as firm hands seized her arms._

'_Santana! Stop!' Kurt shouted, watching on as Blaine rushed over to the other girl to calm her down. _

'_Fuck off Kurt! This doesn't concern you!' Santana struggled, her eyes glistening with spite and fury._

'_No!' He demanded. 'You can't go around hitting people anymore. This isn't high school!' _

'_Bitch fucking started it.' Santana growled. As he hauled her away from the scene, she was surprised at how strong Kurt had gotten. She certainly didn't remember him having this kind of physical power when they were younger._

'_I don't care who started it.' He continued, lowering his voice a bit. 'That girl was like ten times your size. She could have killed you.' _

'_As if.' Santana snorted. 'I was totally winning.'_

'_Nobody was winning.' He sighed in frustration, leading her out the door. 'You were both being stupid and immature.' _

_Once they got outside, Santana was finally able to shake her arm from his grasp. 'You can't tell me what to do Kurt! I don't give a fuck what you think!' She yelled as she stormed towards his car._

'_Santana what's wrong with you?' Kurt challenged when they were both sealed inside the car and threw his arms up in exasperation. 'When you left me and Blaine, you were fine. Everything was going great. Does every party you go to have to end in a fist fight? Is it like some unspoken rule?'_

'_You don't even know.' She grumbled under her breath, refusing to look at him. She held her arms tightly around herself and felt her lips twitching with pent up emotion._

'_Don't know what? What the hell happened to make you this upset?' Kurt was still annoyed at her but she could also hear the concern in his voice._

'_It doesn't matter. Let's just fucking go.' She said bitterly._

'_It does matter San. I was having a really good night. And I thought you were too... I wanna know how we ended up here.' Kurt's tone remained hard. He knew that was the only way she would realize that he was dead serious and wanted an answer. _

'_Fucking Brittany okay.' She snapped. _

_Kurt made a face. 'What? The girl from the grocery store?'_

'_Yes. She was at the party.' Santana sighed in exasperation. _

_Kurt paused for a long moment. 'Why is that bad?' _

'_Because!' Santana screamed, elbowing the door roughly. 'She was with her fucking boyfriend.'_

'_Oh...' _

_Kurt didn't say anything else. He realized that there was nothing he could offer Santana to make this situation any better. He knew her well enough to recognize when she really liked someone. And he could tell that she was absolutely smitten with Brittany whenever they spoke about the blonde. _

_When she was ready, Santana might open up to him... but for now, he knew she just wanted to be alone._

'_Just... take me home.' She said quietly. _

_After briefly wondering if he'd sobered up enough to drive, Kurt started the ignition and took off slowly towards her house. _

Santana felt awful about the way she spoke to Kurt at the party. Because she was too childish to control her own feelings, she'd wrecked his night. He was probably having a blast flirting with Blaine until she stirred shit up. She shook her head and laughed disdainfully. He'd been nothing but a great friend to her. And she didn't even apologize for making him leave early.

She really was a selfish bitch. She had no right to make everyone else around her suffer just because of her inability to get a grip.

Santana turned off her music and buried her head beneath the pillow. She was exhausted but her mind wouldn't stop buzzing.

It took almost five hours before she finally fell asleep.

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When Santana's phone woke her up the next morning, it only took a few seconds before her stomach twisted from all the things that had happened the night before. _Fucking parties. This is why I never go._

She groaned and reached over to her bedside table, silencing the buzzing item with a flick of her thumb.

It was a message from Kurt. _There's one apology I need to make today._

'Hey San. Hope you're alright. I'm here if you need to talk.'

She rolled her eyes but was grateful for the gesture anyway.

She sent a quick reply ('Maybe later. Thanks. Sorry.') and dragged herself out of bed, feeling that telltale headache return from the previous night. Crying always gave her the worst migraines.

As she left her bedroom and padded down the stairs to the kitchen, she realized she was about to walk straight into another apology.

Just like she'd expected, her mother was sitting at the counter, drinking a coffee while she read the paper. At the sound of her daughter's footsteps, the older woman turned her head.

'Are you going to tell me what happened last night?' She asked quietly, pretending not to be interested as she turned back to her paper. Santana knew this tone. It was the calm before the storm.

'Nothing Mami... I was just drunk.'

'So because you had a few drinks... you think it's okay to slam doors in the middle of the night and curse at your mother?' She raised an eyebrow.

Santana sighed heavily. 'No. I'm sorry.'

There was a long minute of silence. Any moment now, Santana expected her mother to explode in a rant about how she was rude and immature and needed to stop acting like such a spoiled brat.

But it didn't come.

The older woman just studied her carefully for a few seconds before returning to her paper.

'You don't always have to tell me what's wrong, Santana... But I do expect you to show me some respect.'

Santana's eyebrows lifted high in disbelief. 'You're not mad at me?'

'No. I am.' Her mother laughed dryly. 'But whether or not you want to talk to me about it, I can tell that something is really bothering you... And I've decided to let you off the hook this time.' She frowned. 'I just hope it's nothing serious.'

Santana gaped at the older woman. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been _let off the hook_ for anything. Usually, they could get into a screaming match about who left the window open. But for whatever reason her mother was choosing to show restraint over her fiery Latina temper today, Santana was thankful. Trying to shake the surprise from her face, she nodded at her mother appreciatively and proceeded to get herself some cereal, as well as a few painkillers for her headache, before returning to her room.

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Santana spent the better part of her day trying to avoid thinking about Brittany. She eventually called up Kurt to apologize for being a total bitch and ruining his night. He forgave her of course... but not without a gentle warning and a brief lecture about expressing emotions in a_ healthy way _now that they were older. She just rolled her eyes at this, knowing he was right.

When Kurt tried to move their conversation to what had happened with Brittany though, she felt her heart sink. Santana just told him she didn't want to talk about it and excused herself from the phone call.

Hearing her friend bring up the blonde made everything real again. Brittany really did have a boyfriend. And there was nothing she could do about it.

It felt like the world had been drained of colour. Disappointment clogged her every pore and she was suffocated by the hopelessness that came with that knowledge. Furious at herself for letting her heart get so far ahead of her brain, Santana decided that the only thing that might help the nervous pacing and uneven breathing was a trip to the gym to release the tension.

Even though she was never much of a gym person, preferring to go for a jog or swim instead, she knew of a place not far from her house that provided punching bags. And the thought of taking out all this frustration on something she could physically hit was just too tempting.

Each punch made her a little less anxious. The pain never stopped... but the anger was fading. She hit the bag for over an hour and since she'd elected not to wear gloves, when she finished, the skin on her knuckles was broken and bleeding. But it felt good... Having something visible which reflected the swirling emotions she held inside.

She hated herself for falling for Brittany so quickly. She hated that it bothered her so much that she couldn't have her. She should have known better. She did know better. But she just couldn't control it. And now, there was nothing she could do. The damage was already done.

The best she could hope for was to forget about the blonde entirely and put the whole thing behind her. Then maybe next time she met a girl, she could remind herself of this situation... of her pain... of her self-loathing... of how broken and miserable she felt because she'd opened herself up far too easily and allowed her impulses to guide her. And then she might not fuck things up this badly again.

But... Brittany was different from other girls. There was just something she couldn't quite put her finger on. It had felt so natural to let her walls down. It had been so effortless.

This was the thought that crossed her mind as she got home from the gym and climbed into the shower. She dipped her face under the hot stream of water and begged it to wash away her tears and doubt... No matter how different it had felt with Brittany, she had to let it go now.

Just as she felt her tight, sore muscles beginning to relax, Santana heard her phone ringing from its place on the bathroom counter, interrupting her brief moment of respite.

She leaned out of the shower and snatched it up. Not bothering to check the caller ID, she answered, her voice coated in annoyance.

'What?'

'Santana?'

_Brittany._

Santana's stomach jerked and she quickly shut off the water. 'Uh yeah.' She muttered quietly. 'Just one sec.' Balancing the phone in her hands, she grabbed a towel and hastily wrapped it around herself. 'Uh... hi.'

'Hey...' Brittany replied slowly. 'Is this a bad time?'

'No... No I was just... in the shower.' Santana rolled her eyes at herself.

'Oh... Sorry for interrupting.' Brittany apologized. 'I was just wondering if you wanted to... you know... hang out sometime?'

Santana closed her eyes. Her plan to stay away from the blonde was obviously not going to be as easy as she'd hoped. Sure, she could just say no. But something felt so wrong about lying to Brittany. And there was no way she was going to tell her the truth behind why she didn't want to be friends.

Besides, she couldn't deny the fact that her heart was fluttering around in her chest at the sound of the girl's voice. She almost couldn't believe Brittany had actually called her. She wanted to see her again so badly... even if it would hurt like hell to know she could never have her.

'Yeah... I'd like that.' She heard herself say. 'Are you free tomorrow night?'

'Yeah.' Brittany suddenly sounded very chipper. 'What do you wanna do?'

Santana thought for a moment. _Something platonic. An outing where I won't be tempted to flirt with you again. _'How bout a movie?' _What? That's exactly the worst thing you could have suggested. This is NOT a date you fucking idiot. _

'Sure!' She could practically hear Brittany grinning down the other end.

'Um... Meet you at the third street theatre at 7?'

'Sounds great. See you then!' Brittany answered brightly.

'Cool. See ya.' Santana replied, trying not to let the defeat lace her voice. She'd just agreed to the exact opposite of what she wanted to avoid.

_Well fuck._

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**A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit short. I was gonna have their little outing included as one big chapter... but I felt like there needed to be a break here.**

**Also, yes, that big girl at the party was a guest appearance by none other than Lauren Zizes :P My apologies if their insults aren't that funny or original. I am sad to say I don't possess Santana's awesome knack for killer one-liners. **

**Thanks for all you reviews, alerts and favourites! I'll have the next chapter along shortly! In the next few chapters, I hope this story will really kick into gear. Shit's about to get cray! – And no. That wasn't a typo ;)**

**Finally, just a word of warning – Although this story has been kinda fluffy since the first chapter, we're moving towards some of the "Angst" now. This is gonna get messy for both our girls. I promise a happy ending eventually though =) **


	7. Chapter 7

Her little trip to the movies with Brittany may not have been a date... but Santana was certainly nervous enough. At work on Monday she was distracted and fidgety. And during her lunch break with Kurt, he finally made her confess what was up. She ended up breaking and spilling on everything. The dancing, the flirting, the touching... her anger and frustration at the unwelcome surprise of meeting Brittany's boyfriend... and finally, the phone call that led to their 'non-date'.

'You can't go after her Santana. People with partners are off-limits.' He'd said. Santana insisted that the thought had never even crossed her mind. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she would never do that. Nobody deserved to be cheated on... and Brittany certainly didn't deserve to be put under that kind of pressure. Even though Santana was sure that the girl was far too moral and loyal to ever consider that kind of thing.

And besides, she still wasn't positive that Brittany would go for her at all... even if the blonde was single.

No. She wouldn't dare push things now. She had to swallow all of her feelings if she wanted to be friends with Brittany. And she'd decided that she did. Whether she liked it or not, she was already too attached to the blonde at this point to just block her out.

Still, Santana tried to remember why she agreed to this so soon. Even now, as she drove home from work and began to get ready for the night, she felt so defeated. How did she find herself saying yes to hanging out with Brittany when she had been so upset? She figured it was a knee-jerk reaction. She craved Brittany's presence on an instinctual level. It had just felt natural to agree. And she'd wanted to please Brittany... because... Well, Santana wasn't really sure why. She knew how much she enjoyed the sound of the girl's voice when she was happy about something. And just the thought of being the reason behind Brittany's smile, even for a millisecond, made her feel all warm and fuzzy. How could she not say yes?

But it didn't stop the overwhelming dread that cornered the Latina whenever she thought about the possibility of getting close to Brittany, knowing full well that she was off limits. In theory she was determined she could handle it. But in reality... Who knows? She'd never really been in this kind of situation before. When she found out a girl wasn't single, she usually just moved on. With Brittany though, she just couldn't bring herself to let go so easily. If they were going to be friends, she would just have to accept defeat and try to enjoy spending time with her simply because it was fun and the girl made her feel happy. But that was easier said than done.

_Fuck. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an emotional masochist._ Santana mused, letting out a deep sigh as she checked herself over in the mirror.

She'd settled on something really simple. Jeans and a red and black plaid shirt. Standard issue Black Converse. Hair straight and down. After all, it was NOT a date. She was NOT trying to impress Brittany. And she was NOT trying to look sexy. Okay... so maybe she had a few too many buttons undone on her shirt and was revealing just a little bit of cleavage. But hey. She was trying.

Even though she knew she was early, Santana risked a glance over at the clock. 6.15. It would only take her ten minutes to drive to the theatre and she definitely did not want to be standing around, awkwardly waiting for the blonde to arrive. If anything, she considering showing up a little late. You know, just to prove that she was _chilled _about the whole thing. She didn't want Brittany thinking she was too eager and catching on to all those pesky feelings she was so desperate to hide now, did she?

So Santana took a seat at her desk and flipped open her laptop to check her emails. Now that she knew Brittany had a boyfriend, she needed to change her approach completely. Thankfully, due to her nerves around the blonde, she had been lacking and occasionally failing in the flirting department. If Brittany had been single, she would be chastising herself for this and trying to determine how to up her game. But now... it was almost a blessing in disguise. She just hoped that the girl hadn't already deciphered her small hints and gestures. It would make it that much harder to take a step back and, more than anything, Santana wanted their friendship to be comfortable and simple.

Seeing that there was nothing of interest in her inbox, Santana closed her laptop and flicked on the T.V. Even though she might have failed miserably at flirting, Brittany had certainly done a heck of a job on Saturday night. Prior to the party, the girl's actions could have been interpreted as nothing more than friendly. That little dance though was anything but. Santana held back a shiver at the memory. Her hands on the blonde's hips, Brittany's arms draped around her neck, that unbelievably sexy sparkle in her deep blue eyes... It was almost too much.

And then the way Brittany had rested her head on the Latina's shoulder while they sat quietly in the backyard. It felt so gentle and intimate that, for a brief moment, Santana had thought it was a cue to kiss her.

But no. It wasn't that at all. The brunette scoffed silently to herself. She'd obviously let her desires and imagination run far too free. She was just grateful that she had been too nervous to actually make a move. It had saved her from a world of embarrassment.

Santana reached into her pocket to check her phone again. 6.25. Still too early to leave. She sighed and rolled her eyes, flicking between channels with the remote. She wasn't really paying any attention to what was on the screen though. Her mind was far too busy.

Why had Brittany even called her? I mean yeah, the girl had said she wanted to hang out. But Santana never really expected her to make the effort to call... Especially so soon. Something about it seemed off. Maybe Brittany didn't have that many friends? Maybe she was lonely?

Santana frowned. No, that couldn't be right. The blonde was so bubbly and friendly. She probably had dozens of people just dying to hang out with her. She couldn't imagine Brittany ever lacking companionship. She was like this bursting ball of sunshine... and you couldn't help but be drawn into her light.

The Latina attempted to breathe out the consuming thoughts. She concluded that it was more likely that Brittany was just super nice. She probably made that kind of effort with all the new people she met. She was probably an expert at the whole process of making friends... and that's why she'd shown no hesitation in calling her. Yeah. That worked.

_So why can't I fight off the feeling that there's something more to it? _

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It was 7 o'clock exactly when Santana finally left the house. For the last ten minutes she paced, debating whether or not to leave on time. In the end, she held herself back, knowing it was for the best.

She had no trouble finding a spot in the parking lot near the theatre. It was Monday night after all, so there weren't that many people out and about. She took a deep, steadying breath as she made the short trip down the sidewalk. Her eyes were fixed on the pavement in front of her, afraid that if she looked up, Brittany would already be standing there waiting... and if she caught her eye too soon, their greeting would be made awkward.

At the last possible moment, she lifted her gaze to search for the blonde. And when she was nowhere in sight, Santana huffed loudly. _Should have left later._

Just as the Latina was contemplating going back to wait in her car for a few minutes, she felt a light tap on her shoulder and spun around quickly to see bright blue eyes staring back at her.

'Hey you.' Brittany beamed.

'Hey.' Santana returned the wide smile and did her best not to stare. Brittany's outfit was surprising to say the least. The combination of bright colours and odd patterns on her skirt, top and jacket were not the least bit conventional. And yet somehow, the blonde pulled it off effortlessly and managed to look stunning in the process. 'You look nice.' _Good thing you're not trying to flirt with her anymore Santana. That was fucking pathetic. _

'So do you.' Brittany grinned, pushing a few strands of long blonde hair behind her ear. 'I like your shirt.'

Santana bit her lip and tried to control the blush creeping into her cheeks. 'Thanks.' She shoved her hands into her pockets and shuffled her feet a little. 'So are you... ready to go in?' _Seriously. Stop it. You're Santana fucking Lopez. This nervous teenage boy shit has gotta end._

'You bet.' Brittany said brightly.

'Awesome.' Santana forced herself to straighten up and turn on the confidence.

It all melted away again though the second Brittany linked their pinkies together and dragged her inside.

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'So you never told me if you got that job?' Brittany asked, taking a sip of her soda before rummaging for a handful of popcorn.

Santana had gladly allowed Brittany to pick some new animated movie for their viewing pleasure tonight and after a quick stop at the concession stand for some drinks and extra large popcorn to share, they were currently sitting in the second to last row of the theatre. The cartoon wasn't her thing of course. But the look on the blonde's face when she'd noticed it was showing was too adorable to deny. With that expression, Santana was sure Brittany could have gotten her to agree to almost anything.

'Yeah... I did. I uh... I started last week actually.' Santana offered pleasantly. Inside though, she was beyond irritated with herself. She hated that whenever Brittany was around she turned into some bumbling, timid mess. She was not going to let her nerves get the best of her again. No matter how much her stomach trembled whenever the blonde locked eyes with her. She had to get that Lopez swagger back ASAP if she wanted the night to go well.

'That's awesome! Congratulations!' Brittany grinned.

'Thanks. It's a pretty cool job. I really like it there.' Santana replied assertively.

There was a comfortable moment of silence. It would be at least another fifteen minutes before the movie started so Santana took this as the perfect opportunity to get back in her groove. Just as she opened her mouth to ask Brittany a question about Mike though, the girl suddenly piped up again.

'Hey... So I um... I just wanted to say... Sorry if I was being a bit crazy on Saturday night. I get kinda hyperactive... and uh... _hands-y_ when I drink.' Brittany said, carefully choosing her words and sporting an apologetic grimace.

'Oh...' Santana's eyebrows lifted slightly. 'That's totally okay. No worries.' She shook her head and tried to smile through the disappointment settling in her chest. _So all that flirting really was just drunken fun. It didn't mean anything... _'I get it.'

'Cool.' Brittany bit her bottom lip and grinned.

'I just felt out of the loop because you never told me you had a boyfriend.' Santana wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, once again pretending the topic was of great interest to her.

Brittany giggled. 'Yeah... Sorry about that.'

'So how did you meet? How long have you been seeing each other? Come on B. Give me all the dirty details.' Santana did her best not to flinch at her own lame acting and plastered a wide smirk on her lips instead. 'You don't mind if I call you B do you?'

'No, I don't mind.' Brittany smiled softly and looked down at her lap. Santana could have sworn she saw the girl blush. 'Well... I met him at my audition for dance school. He came up to me after we finished learning some group choreography and told me that he thought I was really a good dancer. And... I don't know.' Brittany shrugged. 'He seemed nice. So we went for coffee... That was almost two months ago.'

'Aww. That's sweet.' Santana felt her jaw tighten with the fake smile she was forcing onto her face. All she wanted to do at that moment was stick her finger in her mouth and pretend to gag. But instead, she pressed on. 'So... is it serious?'

'Uh...' Brittany frowned and looked away hesitantly. A long moment passed.

'Sorry... You don't have to talk about it if you don't want.' Santana had no idea what it was about that question that had upset the blonde but she didn't want to push.

'No... It's just that... I don't really know if it's serious... No? I'm not sure.' The blonde sighed. 'Mike's a brilliant dancer. And a great guy. And he's really fun to be around. But... it's like... there's something missing you know? I like him but I wonder if... maybe I should like him more.'

Santana's hopes jumped a bit in response and she immediately cursed herself for taking pleasure in Brittany's confusion. It was selfish and mean to hope that Brittany and Mike weren't such a happy couple after all... but she almost couldn't help herself. Biting back the conflicting feelings, she just nodded to convey her understanding.

'I guess that's why I never mentioned him. Because I'm just... not sure. I think I feel guilty for not being as into him as I should be... It's so silly. He's good to me. And charming. And sweet. And handsome. And I should be over the moon about it.' Brittany shook her head with a wry smile. 'But anyways. Look at me going on and on now. My relationship issues are really not that interesting. I'm sure you don't want to hear about it.'

'I don't mind.' Santana offered up the friendliest and most comforting expression she could manage. Seeing Brittany so unsure hurt her more than she could have expected. She suddenly realized that she wanted nothing but happiness for the blonde. Even if that meant working things out with Mike. This selflessness was certainly not like her at all and it was disturbing to say the least. But Santana did her best to shake it off.

Brittany gave her an appreciative grin. 'Thanks. It's just that I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I mean, pretty much all the friends I have here I know through Mike or they know him from dance school. That's how I met Blaine actually. He and Mike went to high school together... And I don't really see anyone I work with outside of work.' She shrugged lightly. 'It's just nice to have someone to talk with.'

'Hey. No problem.' Santana replied gently. 'But... if you don't mind my asking, if you don't think he's right for you... why are you still with him?' The words flowed out freely, unfiltered by her brain and stuffed with innocent curiosity. It did nothing to lessen her guilt though. _Are you insane Santana? That is NOT cool. You said you'd stay out of it and you will. It's not your place! Especially because you have feelings for her!_

Brittany let out a small laugh. 'I feel bad I think. He's never done anything wrong. He's always been the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.' Her eyebrows furrowed in thought. 'And I think honestly... I know it's stupid but... I can't stand the thought of hurting him. He's one my best friends.'

Santana nodded in understanding. Even though she wanted to scream that Brittany deserved to find someone she loved and she shouldn't settle for someone she wasn't sure about just because she was afraid of making them sad... the Latina took a deep, calming breath and reached over to take the blonde's hand gently. 'It's not stupid Brittany. I think it's really nice that you care about him so much.'

Brittany glanced down at their connected hands for a long moment before returning her gaze to Santana's eyes. 'You're kinda awesome, do you know that?' She smiled brightly. 'I'm really glad we're friends.'

_Friends._ Despite the flip of her stomach at the compliment,the word helped to ground Santana and she removed her hand from the blonde's, clearing her throat with a small blush. 'Yeah. Me too.'

There was a short pause as both girls watched a couple come to sit in the row below them.

'So... what about you? Any relationship troubles you wanna vent about? I think I've done enough rambling for tonight.' Brittany shifted to face Santana more and placed her elbow on the armrest, holding her chin in her hand.

The question caught the Latina completely off guard. Although her heart skipped a beat and she was tempted to look for an excuse to brush the topic off somehow, she realized it was only fair that she shared too. Brittany had trusted her enough to open up about something fairly personal. That thought alone made her feel incredibly special. She figured the blonde deserved the same honesty and respect from her. Not that she had much to share... But she could at least disclose on her sexuality. 'Nope. Sorry to say... I'm pretty boring. My last girlfriend was quite a while ago now. And... yeah. There hasn't really been anything since.'

Santana held her breath as she watched the recognition play across Brittany's face. The girl didn't seem surprised. Although, her slight pause did hint towards some thought on the newly revealed information. Santana wondered how Brittany was going to respond. She was sure that she wouldn't run screaming or anything. The girl seemed far too kind and accepting to ever have a problem with that sort of thing.

'Hmmm... Maybe it's better. Girls can be just as much trouble as guys.' Brittany laughed.

Santana had to fight off her surprise at the statement. Did that really mean what she thought it meant? Did Brittany just imply she was bisexual? A few days ago, this information wouldn't have come as a surprise to the brunette. After all, she'd had her suspicions from the start. But since finding out about Mike, she'd just automatically assumed Brittany was straight.

'Sounds like you're speaking from experience.' She asked with a sly smirk on her face.

'Maybe a little.' Brittany replied casually, sporting her own mischievous grin.

Almost on cue, the lights in the theatre went down and the screen flickered to life, casting shadows across their faces and forcing their eyes away from each other. But Santana was glad for the interruption. It meant she didn't have to hide the huge smile on her face.

They spent the rest of the movie in relative silence, occasionally sharing an amused look and a giggle when something funny happened on screen or a shy apology when their hands bumped in the popcorn. Santana had to keep reminding herself that this wasn't a date. But at times it felt so cliché, it might as well have been. Something in Brittany's playful glances was making her feel incredibly nervous and even though she was sure she was making it up in her head, the air around them seemed tense with anticipation.

She promised herself she wouldn't take things any further when she found out Brittany had a boyfriend. And despite knowing now that things might be a little rocky for them and the blonde could potentially play for her team, she was going to keep that promise. She refused to be the cause for their break-up. Because even if Brittany did like her back... Entering a relationship like that was sure to be some seriously bad karma.

Santana also tried to suppress the hope that was swelling inside of her screaming that if they did remain friends, and over the course of time, Brittany and Mike did break up for their own reasons, she might have a real chance with the blonde. It was far too arrogant and certainly too early to be thinking that way. _But it's possible... _

Whether or not Brittany liked her, there was certainly an attraction there. She could just feel it. Their looks... the spark when their hands or elbows accidentally brushed on the armrest... there was chemistry. It was foolish to deny it. And she could sense the blonde felt it too.

But none of it mattered. Not when Brittany was so obviously loyal to Mike. The girl was sure to deny it.

When the movie ended, they spent a few minutes chatting about it, sharing their favourite moments as they slowly ambled out onto the street. Santana was surprised that she had actually enjoyed the overly cutesy film. Although she wondered if maybe it was simply due to the beautiful girl she had shared it with.

'This was fun.' Brittany turned to face her as they stood on the sidewalk.

'Yeah. I had a really good time.' Santana smiled. She had expected seeing Brittany would be like torture... but it wasn't like that at all. Sure, when they spoke about Mike, she felt the expected twinge of jealousy and sadness... and the desire to lean over and affectionately brush the hair from Brittany's face on numerous occasions was difficult to suppress... but it was worth it for all those cute little smiles and the sound of her laughter. 'We should do it again sometime.'

'Definitely.' Brittany chewed her bottom lip slightly before leaning over to wrap her arms around Santana's neck. The hug was friendly. But it still held for just a moment too long.

As they pulled away, Santana wondered if it had been her own unwillingness to let go or if they had both been guilty of lingering. She had a hard time trying to figure it out though as the smell of Brittany's fruity shampoo refused to leave her senses. And by the time she gathered herself properly, Brittany was already waving goodbye.

With her skin tingling and her heart attempting to slow to a moderate gallop, Santana took back everything she'd thought about their time together being easy. That brief moment of intimacy stung warm inside in her chest, reminding her of exactly what she was missing out on. And it hurt.

But could she really give up her time with the blonde because it was painful?

No. Being with Brittany felt too right. It might suck big time now... but she could get passed it eventually. She was strong. And it would be worth it to have another friend besides Kurt that she felt comfortable really being herself around. Sure Brittany made her nervous. But there was also something so calming about her presence. And it was addictive.

Brittany was like a drug. And she was definitely hooked.

**A/N: So actually... that didn't turn out quite as angst-y as I thought it would. Hmm... perhaps the next chapter might be a little darker. Hope you guys still liked it regardless!**

**What did you all think? How are you feeling about this whole Brittany/Mike thing now?**

**Let me know! I love your sweet lady kisses... uh I mean 'reviews'. So please! Negative or positive, I want to hear it! Thanks for reading =)**

**Oh and just in case you haven't heard, at the SAG awards HeMo said Brittana are going to KISS in the VDay episode. That's right. KISS. LOTS. **

**If she's trolling, I will kill her... **

***sigh* Who am I kidding. I'll still love her. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: A new update? So soon? =P You better believe it!**

**Just a few review responses first.**

**veras333: Don't worry. It'll never get that dark. I can't bring myself to write depressed characters for prolonged periods of time anyways. Just check out what happened in this chapter :P The majority is sooo fluffy. But things will get more... let's say... complicated and difficult soon.**

**EvenInTheDark: That's a sweet idea =) It would be very cute. Unfortunately, this story will be a bit messier than that. I hope you still like it though! **

**RedDevilOutTheWindow: Yeah if Brittany had to go with any guy, I'd put her with Mike. But I agree. They'd always be too similar to last. **

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The following Saturday afternoon, Santana once again found herself graced by the presence of a beautiful, and increasingly familiar, blonde. She tried to fight it for a while but one minute she was lying on her bed, holding her phone, staring at Brittany's name in a trance... and the next minute she was hitting send. She just couldn't stay away.

_Do you like hiking? _

_Yeah =) Why?_

_There's this awesome trail that I go to sometimes. It's not far. And the view at the top of the mountain is really pretty. If you're free tomorrow, we should go for a picnic or something =P_

_Sure! That's sounds great! =D _

_Cool. Send me your address. I'll pick you up at like 1?_

Santana was sitting in her car outside Brittany's apartment, reading over their text conversation for the millionth time that day. She was running a bit early so she figured it would be polite to wait a few minutes before going to the door. When she was satisfied that enough time had passed, Santana checked out her reflection in the rear-view mirror before making her way across the street and up to the building.

She pushed the small buzzer for the intercom under Brittany's apartment number and waited.

'Hello?'

'Hey Britt. It's me.' Santana announced, a giddy smile already taking over her features. She loved the way it felt to use the shortened version of her friend's name for the first time.

'Oh hey Santana. I'll be right down.' Brittany replied brightly.

As Santana waited, she mentally checked off the picnic supplies she'd brought with her, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Sandwiches. _Check_. Fruit. _Check._ Water. _Check. _Picnic blanket. _Check. _

She'd insisted that Brittany didn't have to bring anything. She would willingly haul their late lunch up the mountain by herself in her backpack just to make the day perfect... even if it was going to kill her spine.

When the door of the building swung open behind her, Santana spun around and swallowed hard at the sight. Brittany was sporting a tight white tank top and short blue running shorts. Her pale, creamy skin sparkled in the sunlight and her iridescent blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail, showing off the flawless curve of her collarbones and shoulders. Santana could clearly make out the firm muscles in her long legs and the swell of her breasts beneath the white cotton top. She bit her lip to stop from gaping.

It's not that Santana hadn't expected Brittany to wear something sporty and summery. It was a beautiful, sunny day and they were about to do some pretty strenuous exercise. What else would she wear? Not to mention, she was clad in something very similar. Except with black where there was white and red where there was blue. But the dancer's body was just... amazing. She had to fight off the urge to do something wildly inappropriate.

'Afternoon.' Brittany grinned, setting a pair of sunglasses over her eyes.

'Hey... You ready to go?' Santana gestured over her shoulder towards the car, trying to be as casual as possible.

'Yep. All set.' Brittany slung on a small backpack that the Latina hadn't realized she was holding.

'What's in there? I told you not to bring anything.' Santana said with mock reprimand as they walked over to her car. It was a sporty little Volkswagen Golf convertible. Black of course. A gift for her 18th birthday from her barely present doctor father. _Probably to make up for never being home._

'It's just my water. See?' Brittany pulled out a long tube from the side of the pack, waving it in front of Santana with a laugh.

'Oh. Right. I've seen those before.' Santana grinned.

'Mhmm. No need to get all snippy.'

'Hey. Don't get smart with me goldilocks. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.' Santana raised her eyebrow but opened the car door for Brittany anyways.

'Ooh. I'm shaking.' Brittany teased for a moment before climbing into her seat. 'Why thank you.'

'Of course.' Santana faked a small bow and rushed around to her side giggling.

'So what did I do to deserve such lovely treatment?' Brittany mused as Santana started the engine.

Santana flinched a little, realizing that she was making this into a date. It was one thing to get her mojo back and stop being a nervous wreck around the blonde... it was quite another to start laying on the moves.

Besides, the whole picnic thing? That was pretty date-like already. And she didn't want to push her luck.

'Nothing.' She shrugged, attempting to seem nonchalant. 'You're my guest. And I treat my guests well.'

Brittany just grinned and lifted a hand to feel the breeze as they drove along, wiggling her fingers at the sensation. 'I like your car. It's heaps cool.'

Santana smiled to herself but kept her eyes on the road, glad she'd decided to leave the top down today.

'So... Do you live alone or?' She found herself asking.

'Yeah.' Brittany nodded. 'But I'm hardly ever there. Between work and starting dance school a few weeks ago, I'm pretty much just home at night and then one day a weekend.'

'Do you like it? Dance school that is?' Santana wondered aloud.

'I do. I mean, it hasn't been long... and with work and everything I can get really tired. But it's what I love to do.' Brittany shrugged with a smile.

'I'm glad.' Santana turned her head for a second to glance over at the blonde, shooting her an encouraging look.

The girls were enveloped in a comfortable silence for the rest of the drive. Santana turned on the stereo, so soft music filled the air as they made their way out of town. After about fifteen minutes, they arrived at their destination.

'Here we are.' Santana announced, grabbing her large backpack from the back seat and heaving it onto her shoulders.

'Whoa. Are we going all the way up there?' Brittany eyed the summit as she stepped out of the car.

'Uh huh. Why? Are you scared you won't make it?' Santana smirked, locking up and moving towards the trail.

'No!' Brittany snorted, running a bit to catch up.

'I thought you were a dancer. Aren't they supposed to be like super fit?' The Latina went on with a spark of mischief in her eyes.

'I am super fit! Check out these abs!' Brittany protested animatedly, suddenly lifting her tank top to reveal the toned, muscular stomach beneath.

Santana stared at the newly exposed flesh with wide eyes. 'Damn girl. You ain't kidding.'

Brittany laughed and released the material. 'And don't you forget it.' She punched Santana in the shoulder playfully and grinned as her friend mocked pain.

It took them about 2 and a half hours to make it all the way up the trail, moving at a relatively swift pace, only stopping for a quick drink or for Santana to adjust the huge pack on her shoulders. Brittany argued numerous times that she should have a turn at carrying it. But despite Santana's aching neck and back, she vehemently refused. On the way up, they chatted about books and TV shows. And played what Brittany affectionately referred to as 'Nature Bingo' – where the first one to spot five different animals (which they had to nominate at the beginning of the walk), would win.

Of course, Brittany won.

'Wow. You were right. This is beautiful.' Brittany murmured when they reached the summit.

At the end of the trail, there lay at a small grassy picnic area, with a tiny rock waterfall and a pond on one side and a perfect view of the town on the other.

Santana would have taken the time to watch Brittany's face as the girl eagerly took in their surroundings but she was pretty much exhausted at this point. She swiped a few beads of sweat from her forehead and shrugged out of the heavy backpack, cursing it quietly. Taking out the picnic blanket, she shook it out across the grass and scrambled to lie down.

'San! Come look!' Brittany called out to her from a bit further away.

'Ughhh... Tired. In a minute.' Santana grumbled; despite the little flutter she felt when Brittany had called her _San._

'Now who's lazy?' Brittany teased, coming to stand near the Latina's head and blocking the sun from her face.

'Shh... Just stay right there. You're the perfect shade.'

Brittany giggled and took off her water pack as she also took a seat on the blanket.

'Eh. Sun!' Santana groaned and held up her hands in front of her face before quickly sitting up and adjusting her sunglasses. Brittany looked so gorgeous; her legs stretched out in front of her as she leaned back on her hands and stared at the view. Santana forced down a sigh of adoration. 'Hungry?'

Brittany turned to her and nodded energetically, her ponytail bouncing.

The Latina began unpacking their sandwiches and fruit, to the utter delight of the blonde beside her.

'Oh! That's so cute! You even cut the sandwiches into little triangles!'

Santana blushed, realizing her soft side was showing. She cleared her throat and kept her eyes on the food. 'Yeah. They're uh... easier to eat that way.'

For a few minutes they just enjoyed their snack, Santana already feeling some energy seep back into her aching muscles when she took a long swig of water and polished off a few pieces of apple.

'Do you have any brothers or sisters?' Brittany asked through a bite of PB&J sandwich.

Santana held back a giggle, finding it completely adorable. 'Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to talk with your mouth full?'

Brittany swallowed exaggeratedly and then poked her tongue out. 'Happy?'

'Yes.' Santana smirked. 'Now... what were you saying?'

'I said... Do you have any brothers or sisters?' Brittany rolled her eyes but grinned all the same.

'Nah.' The brunette leaned back onto her elbows, half lying down. 'I'm an only child.' She glanced over at Brittany. 'How bout you?'

The girl crossed her legs and beamed. 'Yeah. A younger sister. Katie.'

'How old is she?'

'Ten.' Brittany answered proudly. 'She's my little unicorn.'

'Naww. That's so sweet I think I might throw up.' Santana joked and scrunched her nose up.

'Don't be such a meanie!' Brittany laughed before suddenly launching herself at Santana and straddling her hips. The Latina was caught off guard by the abrupt movement, her breath catching in her throat. But once their position registered, she instinctively began to struggle beneath the blonde, bucking and twisting fiercely even as Brittany pinned her arms down above her head. 'Give?' She taunted.

'No!' Santana growled, continuing to squirm and fight. To be honest, she wasn't sure if she was actually trying to get Brittany off of her or if she just enjoyed the way their play fighting made her stomach twist and her heart race.

Brittany smirked at her refusal to give up and with a strong grasp, held Santana's wrists with one hand and reached down to tickle her sides with the other.

The brunette fought hard not to giggle but was soon gasping for air at Brittany's unrelenting assault, finally squeaking out her surrender. 'Okay okay! I give!'

Brittany finally ceased her tickling but continued to hold her down. 'Are you gonna be nicer to me?'

Santana rolled her eyes and paused. She worried if she said yes Brittany might get off of her. The feel of the girl's body hovering so close to her own was incredibly thrilling. And the intoxicating smell of berries invaded against her nose as a stray golden lock fell onto her face. She wanted nothing more than to reach up and run her hands over Brittany's hips and thighs and pull her down so their bodies were tight against each other._ Fucking hell! Stop it Santana! She has a boyfriend! Remember? _'Yes.' She groaned in annoyance. 'I'll be good.'

'That's better.' Brittany said smugly, climbing off of her new friend slowly. 'See? I always win.'

Santana narrowed her eyes at the blonde and sat up, rubbing her wrists. 'I let you win.'

'Ha! Sure you did.' Brittany scoffed and returned to her sandwich, ignoring the girl's glare.

They finished off their meal in a relaxed silence. The only sounds were coming from the soft breeze rustling past the trees around them, the chirping of some nearby birds and the gentle trickle of water against rock.

After the food was all gone, Brittany stood and gestured for Santana to follow her. They found a small boulder to sit on by the pond and quietly observed the tiny world that lived inside. Brittany took it upon herself to name all of the tadpoles and the few frogs while Santana absently pulled apart some blades of grass to keep her hands busy. She couldn't stop thinking how romantic the day was. Way more romantic than any date she'd ever been on.

Except that this was no date.

When Brittany was finally finished playing at the pond, she dragged Santana over to have another look at the view. The sun now sat much lower in the sky, sending waves of orange and purple light across the landscape.

'You're an excellent tour guide. I had no idea there was anything like this around here.' Brittany said peacefully.

'Thanks. I'm glad you like it.' Santana answered, not taking her eyes off the view and doing her best to hide the overwhelming happiness she felt swelling in her heart.

'You should show me some more cool places. I bet you know heaps.' Brittany turned to her, a shy smile on her lips.

'Maybe a few.' Santana also moved to face the blonde. Their eyes met slowly, timidly. The moment was so intense that within a few seconds, Santana had to look away. She cleared her throat nervously. 'It's uh... getting late. We should probably head back before it gets dark.' She mumbled.

'Mmm yeah.' Brittany followed the Latina back over to their picnic area and helped her collect the remaining supplies into her backpack.

The trip down the mountain was much quicker. First of all it was downhill and secondly, the sun was no longer beating down on their heads and making each step just that little bit more difficult. They were at the bottom in less than 2 hours. But by then, the sun had completely disappeared from the sky, and the sound of crickets pervaded their ears as they climbed back into the car and began the trip hope.

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'It was really fun hanging out today.' Brittany smiled as they pulled into her street.

'Yeah. I had a great time.' Santana chewed on her bottom lip for a few seconds, debating her next move carefully. She knew that things with Brittany had gotten kind of hard today... especially with the girl straddling her hips. But she couldn't deny the telltale ache she felt in her heart now that they were separating. She wanted so badly to see her again. And soon. 'So listen... Next Friday I was thinking... We should have a horror movie night.' Santana began to ramble. 'Because you said you wouldn't mind giving them another go... remember?'

Brittany giggled. 'Yeah I did say that huh.' She thought for a second before turning to look Santana in the eye. 'Okay. I'm game. Let's do it!'

Santana couldn't help the broad smile that lit up her face. 'Awesome. I'll text you with my address sometime this week.'

'Sounds like a plan.' Brittany beamed, leaning over to give the Latina a quick hug before climbing out of the car. 'See you then!'

And with that, she bounced across the street and up into her apartment.

Santana watched until she was out of sight before leaning back heavily against the headrest. Her skin still tingled where Brittany had wrapped her arms around her. And now that she was alone, the reality of her situation began to settle inside of her. Everything that she had been forcing down and ignoring all day finally hit home. Hard.

She had to be fucking crazy. Why the hell was she doing this to herself? Brittany was taken. She was already pushing things way too far by inviting her on such a cosy little picnic. And now a movie night? In her house? Probably her bedroom? Just the two of them? There was no other explanation. She had completely lost her mind.

Why did she want to torture herself like this?

Tears began to prickle at Santana's eyes and fall down her cheeks as she put the car into drive and took off down the street. She felt so empty. More than she'd ever felt before Brittany had come into her life. Because now, her dream girl was sitting right in front of her and she couldn't have her. The thought burrowed a deep hole in her chest and settled in for a long stay.

The worst part was she could have avoided this. If she'd just been able to show some fucking restraint. But no. Instead she had to run her mouth and ask Brittany over the first chance she got.

She felt as though she was living in two separate worlds. When she was with Brittany, it was like being in a beautiful, picturesque fantasy land, where everything was soft and warm and just... perfect. And then, when she was alone, she was suddenly seized back to cold, hard reality. The worst part was, while taking her trips to Brittany land, Santana became intoxicated and practically delirious with joy, which among other things, severely impaired her judgement and caused her to make irrational decisions like inviting the girl to her house.

Santana held back a loud sob, her hands gripping the steering wheel fiercely until her knuckles turned white. _How did I get here? How did I let myself fall so hard?_ Before she met Brittany, Santana was so sure that she'd never open herself up to anyone like this again. She promised herself that she'd wait until she was sure.

_But I am sure._ Santana cried desperately in her head and sucked in a shaky breath, the road growing more and more blurry. When she was with Brittany, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. She couldn't shut down her emotions and keep up her carefully constructed walls even if she tried. She didn't choose to let the blonde in... the world had ripped her open and forced Brittany inside of her heart. And now, she was everywhere. She was in her blood, in her air, under her skin... she was all she could think about. All she wanted.

And Santana was absolutely terrified.

The one thing she had been so adamant about, the one thing she had sworn to fight against... She'd fallen for someone who was wrong for her... who would only end up hurting her. _But is she really wrong for me? Or is it just the wrong time? _

She was in the worst mess possible. And unlike almost every other situation in her life, Santana didn't think she had the strength to fight her way out of it.

She had already lost.

She belonged to Brittany, mind, heart, body and soul, and the girl didn't even know it.

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**A/N: A short chapter but a very quick update =) So I think it balances out. The next one will be much longer.**

**Just a warning, I've been churning these chapters out pretty rapidly lately. I hope to keep it up and I'm going to try and get as much done this month as possible. But I'm starting back at school soon and it's gonna be a tough year (last year of uni/college/whatever you wanna call it lol). So come late Feb-March, the updates will probably slow a bit.**

**Anyways, I know you guys just reviewed but give me your thoughts on this anyways =) **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okay so first, I just wanna say… I can't believe this story has over 100 reviews now! Thanks so much to everyone who is reading! Much love to you all! **

**Oh and for information purposes, this chapter makes some mention of the movies **_**Paranormal Activity**_** and **_**Hellraiser**_** (neither of which I own the rights to lol obviously). If you haven't seen these movies, possible SPOILER ALERT =P Otherwise, enjoy! **

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'I'm so fucked Kurt.' Santana groaned, clutching the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she held a shirt up to herself in the mirror, trying to figure out whether or not to change. 'I shouldn't have invited her over.'

Brittany was going to be there any minute and Santana had called up her best friend to whine and freak out about her situation for the hundredth time that week. Not only had she been bugging him constantly at work, especially during their lunch breaks, but she had felt the urge to call him almost every night as well. By this point, Kurt was more than over it.

'I know.' He sighed in annoyance. 'We already agreed that it was a bad move. But she's coming now. There's nothing you can do.'

'I know but-'

'You could have called it off when you sent her your address but no.'

'I didn't want to let her down!'

'No, just admit it Santana. You want to see her. Even though you know it's a bad idea, you want her in your room.' Kurt ventured.

'I…' Santana hesitated and chewed at the inside of her cheeks. It was true. It wasn't like she had some big plan about coaxing Brittany into her lair and unwillingly seducing the poor girl or anything. There were no ulterior motives… but she couldn't deny that she wanted Brittany there with her and, in the situation they were soon to be in, she wasn't sure what was going to happen. That uncertainty in itself was very risky.

'I know you San. You're head over heels for this girl. And if I hadn't already picked up on that by myself, you've been practically screaming it at me for the past week.' Kurt teased.

Santana rolled her eyes but allowed him to continue.

'We can stop discussing how screwed you are and how much you want her. You just need to remember to be strong. No moves. No funny business. She's your friend, nothing more... And she has a boyfriend. There's nothing you can do about that.'

Santana sighed heavily. 'Yeah… I guess so.'

'Good. Now's that's sorted… _what _are you gonna do tonight?' Kurt asked, his tone patronizing, demanding that she repeat his instructions.

'Be good. Nothing suss. Just hang out and have fun.' Santana stated monotonously.

'That's my girl.' Kurt awarded smugly. The condescending praise made Santana want to throw the phone across her bedroom.

'But what if-'

'No!' Kurt growled in frustration. 'We're not going to talk about this anymore. Just do what you have to do… and then call me tomorrow and-'

Santana's head snapped around at the sound of knocking on her front door.

'Fuck! Sorry, I gotta go Kurt. She's here.'

And with that, Santana hung up, not even taking the time to listen to his response, and shoved her phone into the pocket of her jeans. She quickly padded down the stairs and took a final look down at her appearance. Again, she wanted to be casual for their movie night, so she'd gone with just a plain black v-neck tee and jeans.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she opened the door for her guest.

'Hey.' She breathed. Even though she was expecting the blonde, the sight of Brittany never ceased to make Santana's heart race.

'Hey! I brought pizza!' Brittany announced happily, holding up the aforementioned box of food and stepping inside.

'Thanks.' Santana grinned. 'But you didn't have to.'

'Whatever silly. I was hungry.' Brittany rolled her eyes.

There was a short pause as Santana closed the door and allowed her guest to take in her surroundings. Brittany was dressed even more casual than Santana, donning a pair of dark blue sweatpants and a grey hoodie rolled up at the sleeves, her hair down and wavy. The Latina thought she had never looked more beautiful.

'So… uh… upstairs?' Santana suggested.

'Lead the way.' Brittany smiled and followed Santana up to her room.

Just as they got to her door and she stepped aside to politely let the blonde in first, Santana felt someone grab her arm, pulling her back into the hall. Spinning around, she found her mother's dark eyes staring back at her.

'She's very pretty.' The older woman smirked.

'Mom! I thought you were going out tonight! Doesn't Dad have that big work dinner?' Santana replied in a hushed whisper, glancing towards her bedroom door to see that Brittany was strolling around casually and hadn't seemed to notice her departure.

'I'm leaving now to meet him.' Her mother looked over Santana's shoulder at her guest. 'Is there something you want to tell me?' She raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

'No! She's just a friend.' Santana said quickly, trying to shove her away.

'Sure sure.' The older woman laughed. 'Your father and I are staying in the hotel where dinner is tonight. So please don't… get into any mischief.' She shot her daughter a knowing stare.

'Yes yes okay.'

'I mean it.'

'She has boyfriend Mom!' Santana sighed, exasperated. 'Now go. She's going to wonder where I am.'

'Okay. See you tomorrow then Mjia.' Her mother said slowly, doubt still written across her eyes and into her grin.

Santana hastily planted a kiss onto the woman's cheek to appease her before slipping into her room and closing the door.

'Sorry.' She said sheepishly when she saw Brittany sitting on her bed, looking up expectantly. 'Just my mom.'

'That's okay. I was busy checking out your room anyways.' The blonde giggled.

'Oh yeah?' Santana smiled and folded her arms over her chest in amusement.

'Yeah. It's very… um… dark.'

The Latina laughed. 'Thanks?'

'I like it.' Brittany grinned and patted the mattress beside her. When Santana sauntered over and sat down next to her, she flipped open the box she was holding. 'Pizza anyone?'

'Yes please.' Santana nodded thankfully and took a slice, trying desperately to control the sudden increase in her breathing at suddenly being so close to the blonde.

There were a few moments of calm silence as they ate... but when Santana felt herself begin to stare at her guest, eyes trained on the girl's tongue darting out to lick at a dab of sauce on her lip, she realized that she needed a distraction. Standing, she distanced herself from the bed and moved to kneel beside the DVD player.

'So… I rented Paranormal Activity?' She shrugged, not looking back at Brittany. 'I figured I'd start you out with something lame and wimpy. Then, maybe later we can get into the heavy stuff.' The brunette smirked.

'Okay. I trust you.' Brittany bit her lip and nodded.

Santana swallowed hard, forcing down her nerves. The reality of having Brittany in her room was just as intimidating as she imagined it would be. Of course, the girl wasn't doing anything to cause this reaction. Everything was completely normal. But Santana's brain was perfectly capable of running wild on its own. She couldn't stay focused on anything. All she wanted to do was look over at Brittany again… and carefully examine her bright blue eyes, the perfect freckles that were sprinkled across her nose and cheeks, the tantalizing pink softness of her lips… No. She just had to play it cool. She had to keep herself on track.

'Drink?' She finally suggested, popping in the movie and strolling over to the mini-fridge she had stowed in her walk-in wardrobe. At the sound of Brittany's food-muffled _yes please, _she pulled out a bottle of vodka and some fruity soda to mix. As she collected the two glasses she kept on top of the fridge though, she began to reconsider. Should she really be getting drunk with Brittany? Here? Now?

In the past, she had told the blonde that she always played drinking games with her friends when they watched horror movies. And in a way, she hoped it might loosen her tension a little. Her nerves were frayed from stressing all week long and she knew that it wasn't going to get any better now that Brittany was sitting just a few feet away.

But still… was drinking really the smart thing to do?

What if she lost her inhibitions completely and did something really stupid?

Before she could make a solid decision though, her inner turmoil was interrupted by a curious voice.

'Something wrong?' Brittany was staring at her over her shoulder as she kneeled in her wardrobe.

Santana shook her head and smiled. 'Uh… nope. Just… trying to find the vodka.' She held it out for the blonde to see before climbing to her feet and moving back over to the bed to sit down. 'You know, for our horror movie drinking game.'

_Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you! _Her brain mocked.

'Oooooh fun!' Brittany clapped her hands together and bounced cutely. 'How does it work?'

Santana grinned, allowing just a sliver of her fear to dissipate at Brittany's enthusiasm, and began to pour out their beverages while the blonde finished off another slice of pizza. 'Hmmm… for this movie… how about we play a round of _false scares_.'

'What's that?' Brittany asked curiously, wiping a couple of crumbs off her hands, kicking off her sneakers and shifting back on the bed slightly to sit crossed legged.

'Well… whenever someone in the movie freaks out over something that turns out to be nothing… You have to take a drink.' Santana explained, handing the girl her glass.

'Like what?' Brittany took the drink gratefully but titled her head in confusion.

'Uh… like a loud bang that was just the wind… or seeing something move that turned out to be just the cat.' Santana joked.

'Oh! I like cats!' Brittany beamed.

Santana furrowed her eyebrows at the blonde's comment but smiled widely. Brittany was so adorable sometimes it almost hurt. She took a swig of her drink and shuffled back to sit against the headboard, grabbing another piece of pizza along the way.

'Your drink okay? Not too strong?' She wondered, watching Brittany sip her own vodka and soda.

The girl shook her head happily. 'Nope. Perfect.'

'Good.' Santana grinned and collected the DVD remote from her bedside table.

Once the movie started, Santana was surprised to see Brittany move to lie on her stomach, head near the TV, her legs bent and ankles crossed in the air. To be honest, she really wanted the girl to be sitting up next to her… but she figured that this positioning was probably much safer and more appropriate anyways.

Ten minutes into _Paranormal Activity_, they had finished the pizza and Santana turned to throw the box onto the floor, clearing some space on the bed for her to stretch out her legs. In that moment of distraction, she obviously missing something crucial though because Brittany suddenly let out a yelp and the whole bed shook as she jumped.

'What? What happened?' She asked, quickly lifting her gaze. It's not that she hadn't seen the movie before. In fact, during her first viewing, she found the whole thing pretty damn boring to be honest. But she wanted to know what had freaked Brittany out so much.

'Nothing… The scene just changed really fast.' Brittany blushed and bit her lower lip.

'Oh…' Santana did her best to control the smirk spreading across her face, waiting a few seconds before speaking again. 'You okay B? Not too scary?' She teased, leaning back again.

The blonde shook her head shyly before fixing her eyes back on the screen.

After another twenty minutes or so, Santana was losing interest in the movie. She realized that there weren't nearly as many _fake scares _in it as she had originally thought. At least, none that seemed to fit with her designated _rules_. They had probably only drunk twice so far and she wondered if, for the sake of having more fun, they should change the rules slightly.

'So… I'm feeling kinda thirsty back here.' She smiled mischievously. 'How about we change this game up a bit so we can actually drink?'

'Okay.' Brittany nodded, her face still turned towards the TV and her voice a little shaky.

'Hey… are you alright?' Santana sat forward and crawled down the bed to lie beside her friend, picking up on the girl's hesitation.

'Mhmmm.' Brittany's cheeks seemed paler than usual and her eyes were wide.

Santana's eyebrows instantly softened at the sight. 'It's okay if you're scared Britt. I already know that you find horror movies really creepy.'

The blonde twisted her lips in thought. 'I know… I just… didn't wanna seem like a total wuss.'

Santana rolled her eyes and smiled, suppressing the urge to pinch Brittany's cheek or ruffle her hair like a little kid. 'You're not a wuss. People are supposed to be afraid of these movies. That's why they make them.'

Brittany sighed but let a small grin take over her lips. 'Okay… But…' She paused, looking down at her fingers fidgeting with the quilt cover for a second. 'Can I come sit up there with you now?'

Santana laughed quietly. 'Of course.' She wriggled onto her knees before sitting back against the pillows. 'Grab your glass. We'll work out some new rules for the game. And soon… we'll be so busy drinking and having fun, you won't even remember to be scared.'

Brittany smiled brightly this time, crawling up to join Santana at the top of the bed.

Once they decided they would drink every time a character's name was said, the game suddenly took off and the blonde began to perk up significantly. In between their refills and giggles, Brittany started to settle into the rhythm of things and the jumpy moments didn't seem to bother her as much as before.

_Katie! _

'KATIE!' Santana and Brittany both yelled excitedly, taking a big swig from their drinks.

_Micah! _

'MICAH!' The girls once again mimicked and threw back a second mouthful.

As Santana grabbed the vodka and soda bottles to top up their glasses, she was thankful that she had chosen mixed drinks for tonight. If they had been doing shots, they would be absolutely wasted at this point. Instead, the Latina just felt pleasantly warm and tingly.

_Wait… is that the alcohol or is it Brittany? _

She shook her slightly foggy brain and focused back on the TV.

Even when the movie reached its climax, and the so-called _demon_ possessed Katie and supposedly killed Micah, Brittany seemed calm and happy. And when the screen went black, she was grinning proudly.

'That wasn't so bad!' She waved her hand in dismissal at the film and took a sip from her drink.

'I told you B. Horror movies can be fun!' Santana smiled, climbing off the bed and going over to the DVD player. She removed the disc, placed it back in its case and grabbed her second choice for the evening. 'Are you up for another?' She asked teasingly, wiggling her eyebrows.

'Hell yeah I am!' Brittany bounced. 'What's this one?'

'Hellraiser.' Santana smirked. It was certainly a step up from Paranormal Activity. Well, she thought so anyways. It may have been made in the 80's, so some of the effects were a little outdated, but it was a classic and definitely one of her favorites because she absolutely loved the concept of the Cenobites. Besides, she figured the slightly crappy effects might help to dull the gore factor for Brittany. So that was a plus.

'Oooh. Okay.' Brittany hummed, eyes wide and intrigued. 'What drinking game should we play with this one?

Santana thought for a moment. There were already kind of buzzed so they didn't need to be quite as liberal with their drinking cues now. 'Not sure... How about we start it and I'll figure something out as we go?'

Brittany nodded excitedly and shuffled down a bit along the pillows to get comfortable as Santana rejoined her on the bed.

Not even five minutes into the movie, Brittany began to really freak out. Obviously the whole gore thing, no matter how poorly done, did not go down well with her at all. One look at Frank's skin getting torn apart by hooks and she was gone.

'Ah!' A squeak erupted from her lips and she suddenly scooted right down the bed, partially covering her eyes with her fingers.

Santana did her best not to smile at the frightened girl. She knew that it wouldn't help at all to be patronizing, no matter how cute her friend looked. 'Aww B. It's okay. It's not real, remember?' She turned over and said soothingly.

Brittany just shook her head and kept watching the screen, hardly paying attention to what the Latina was saying.

A few minutes later, when Pinhead made his first appearance, she lost it again, completely covering her face with her hands and squirming.

Santana frowned and looked back up at the TV, noting the continued images of blood and bits of flesh. 'Do you want me to turn it o-'

She almost jumped out of her skin when Brittany suddenly turned onto her side and flung an arm over her body. The girl was breathing fast, her heart racing as she pulled Santana close.

'Doh le ht ge mm.' She mumbled, her faced pressed into the brunette's chest.

'Huh?' Santana was still finding it hard to understand what had just happened and why Brittany was suddenly snuggled tightly against her. The beat of her own pulse had begun to drum loudly in her ears and she could feel a hot prickle creeping up from her stomach, through her chest and into her cheeks.

'Don't let it get me.' Brittany whimpered, pulling her face back a bit.

Santana swallowed thickly. She didn't even trust herself to speak. Her eyes met Brittany's scared blue but she swiftly looked away, not wanting the blonde to see the fear in her own expression. Unlike Brittany, she wasn't at all afraid of the film currently playing on her TV. She was much more terrified of losing herself to this moment; their bodies pressed softly together, their faces only inches apart.

'Santana…' Brittany whispered, trying to draw her attention.

'It's okay Britt. The monsters will be gone soon.' Santana forced a smile but refused to look down at her friend, feeling the breath shudder out of her chest. She wondered if Brittany could hear her rapid heartbeat, could feel the tension in her muscles. In hopes of drawing attention away from her telling reactions, she opted to lift her own arm over the blonde's body to give her a reassuring, and completely innocent, pat on the back... but once her hand finished the slightly awkward movement, it stayed fixed to the curve of Brittany's shoulder, making small, gentle circles on the material of her hoodie.

She heard a sharp breath escape the girl beside her and her brow furrowed in confusion. That wasn't the calming response she had been hoping for. 'Sorry… I…' She began, finally giving in to her struggle and letting her gaze flicker back down to Brittany's face as she prepared to remove her hand. What she saw though stopped her dead in her tracks.

The blonde's cheeks were tinged a dark pink, her lips parted slightly as she breathed and her eyes a much darker blue than she had ever seen them. If Santana didn't know any better, she could have sworn that Brittany looked…

Wait, no.

She wasn't even going to THINK it. Brittany was just scared. This unbearable heat and crackling tension she felt in the air was just all in her imagination. It had to be. There was no way that…

Santana gasped when Brittany's arm tightened around her waist and her other hand lifted to brush some strands of dark hair from her face. She was even more surprised as the girl's fingers didn't pull away, and began drifting down her cheek and along the side of her chin. The seconds felt like hours as the blonde's fingertips danced agonizingly slow across her skin, each little movement sending violent shockwaves of electricity through her body and making her heart throb painfully. Those fingers eventually feathered up to Santana's mouth, running over her bottom lip so lightly that it was barely even there… but Santana felt it. And her eyes instinctively closed at the sensation.

She couldn't think. She could barely even breathe. She was surrounded by heat and silent anticipation. It felt like wading through a beautiful dream. Unconsciously, Santana relaxed the tight muscles in her neck and allowed her head to fall forward just the tiniest bit, the air in her throat catching hard a few seconds later as she felt a second pair of lips meet her own.

She breathed in sharply through her nose, feeling the soft warmth of Brittany's mouth ghosting over hers. It was the most delicate kiss she'd ever experienced. The blonde tasted fruity and sweet. She held back a groan as she pressed forward a bit, desperate to get more contact.

Brittany let out a small whimper as Santana slipped her hand up from her shoulder to tangle in her hair, drawing their lips together more firmly. Each tiny open and close of their mouths was slow and slightly hesitant… but Santana knew that control was quickly beginning to tumble from her grasp.

With her head swimming, she ever so lightly teased her tongue against Brittany's lips. Santana was surprised when the blonde instantly allowed her access and met the movement with her own tongue. And that was what really sent her over the edge.

A bit more forcefully, Santana shifted their bodies so she was half on top of Brittany, letting out a quiet whimper at the spark that shot through her center from their new position. She heard the girl beneath her groan and felt the press of her hips against her own.

As their tongues danced leisurely and gracefully, Santana was completely taken over by the heady sensations and intense emotions coursing through her veins. She was a mess, unable to think about anything other than getting closer to the blonde in her arms. She wanted to hear more of Brittany's soft, enthralling sounds. She wanted to feel more of the girl's skin beneath her lips and her fingertips.

She moved her head down to kiss along Brittany's jaw, then the side of her neck, down to her collarbone, and then all the back way up to her ear. The girl squirmed and released breathy whimpers and sobs, her hands now wrapping tightly around the Latina's back. Santana licked at Brittany's earlobe and sucked it gently into her mouth, loving the shiver she felt pass through the blonde when her teeth scraped lightly over the supple flesh.

She was just about to return her kisses to Brittany lips again when she heard a slightly strangled voice whisper in her ear.

'S-Santana…'

She pulled back a bit too quickly, searching Brittany's hooded, glazed over eyes. Her pupils were large, almost consuming all the bright blue.

'We… I-I…' A pained expression came over Brittany's face, overwhelming her features and scrunching up her nose.

Suddenly, Santana felt her heart drop. She already knew why Brittany was so upset and probably on the brink of tears.

_Mike._

She rushed to sit up and extract her limbs from the blonde, already feeling the loss of warmth from her body. Something cold slithered deep inside of her chest. _Brittany has a boyfriend. I just made Brittany cheat on her boyfriend._ _And now she feels horrible and guilty… it's all my fault. _

'Fuck.' Santana stared down at her hands, twisting anxiously in her lap, the nauseating sinking feeling refusing to leave her stomach. She lifted her arms and covered her face with her fingers.

Beside her, Brittany slowly sat up. 'I'm… I'm s-sorry.'

Santana's head snapped towards her. 'No. It's my fault. I shouldn't have… I mean… You're the one with the… And I…' Her voice cracked and she exhaled heavily, unable to find any strength inside of herself to even speak properly. She felt so weak… vulnerable and exposed.

'I…' Brittany ventured, the sound so quiet Santana barely heard it. 'I should go.'

Half of Santana screamed to stop her and the other half insisted she should let her leave. 'I really like you Britt... I know that I shouldn't and I never _ever_ wanted to mess things up for you but… I can't help it.' She heard herself whisper. The voice sounded so far away, she was barely even sure that it was her.

Brittany scooted slightly closer to her and Santana felt her lace their fingers together. Just that small gesture sent her heart soaring. 'I… I can't.'

Even though Santana knew that Brittany had to say that, that it would be wrong for her to say or do anything else while she still had a boyfriend, the words still cut through her like pieces of glass. She could feel everything collapsing around her and it was becoming difficult just to hold her body upright. 'I know… I would never… I-I don't expect you to…'

Silence filled the air. It could have lasted minutes or even hours, she would never know.

Brittany finally released a heavy sigh. 'I never should have… I…'

'Just… just tell me… Do you feel the same way about me?' Santana dared, her eyes lifting to connect with Brittany's.

'San… I h-have a boyfriend.' Brittany looked away, her eyebrows knotted together in thought.

'That's not what I asked you.' Santana pressed. The anger she felt at herself for all of this was suddenly beginning to bubble up in her throat… and without her usually impenetrable emotional walls standing, she feared it would spill over and form harsh words in her mouth. After feeling the way Brittany kissed her back, she knew there was something there. She wasn't crazy. It wasn't one sided. She was sure of that now… Brittany was just too afraid to admit it out loud. 'Tell me you don't like me too.'

Brittany hesitated for a long moment, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. 'I… I can't.'

'You can't because… it would be a lie?' Santana squeezed Brittany's hand in hers.

'I… I have to go.' Brittany finally said, withdrawing her hand and climbing off the bed.

Santana watched as she stepped into her sneakers and walked towards the door, stopping just before she left the room completely but still not turning to face the Latina. 'I just… I need to think.'

And with that, Brittany was gone.

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**A/N: So… how bout that? Do you hate me? Lol Do you think Brittany feels the same? What do you think is gonna happen next? **

**Send me your thoughts! "Over and over and over again…" ;) **


	10. Chapter 10

Santana fought hard against her body. Each breath felt like a war. She was sure that if she could see her heart, it would be sporting a large, gaping hole right now… because the ache was strong enough to make her clutch at her chest and curl her body up into a ball on the bed. The tears trickled slowly from the sides of her eyes as she squeezed them shut, her face contorted against the sobs threatening to rip through her at any moment. She sucked in as much air as she could and held it.

Nearly a minute passed before she finally released the breath and with it came pitiful whimpers and broken noises of panic and fear… and utter loss. Because that's what she was - Lost to her emotions. She was at the mercy of her heart, a slave to it… and Brittany was its master.

She scoffed through her pathetic cries. She was love's bitch and she couldn't hate herself more for it.

_Wait… Love? No… Please no. _Hot, salty tears spilled down her cheeks and clogged up her nose as she tried to coil up further on the mattress. _I can't… No. I DON'T love her. _The thought made her want to just disappear inside of herself and never come out. And, at that moment, as if the world could feel her frustration and sorrow, it began to rain.

Heavy droplets beat down against her roof and windows, followed closely by the boom of thunder and the crack of lightning. How fitting.

Santana forced back a new wave of tears as her mind flashed to Brittany, driving home in the storm. Even at this moment, she couldn't help but worry for the blonde and hope that she got home safely. Even while the mixture of heartache and annoyance consumed her, she could still feel the tingle on her lips from their kiss and remember the look in Brittany's piercing blue eyes as she whispered her name so softly.

This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to go like this. She still didn't know who had kissed who. And for a moment she wondered if that may have been due to the alcohol messing with her memory. But she wasn't that drunk. She was only slightly tipsy. They both were. So it was no excuse either way. They had both participated. There was no denying that.

Amazingly, Santana had managed to mostly avoid or repress thoughts of Brittany with her boyfriend up until this point. But now that she knew what it felt like to kiss her, to be so close to her… the jealousy was almost unbearable. Now, she couldn't _stop _imagining them together. She couldn't stop picturing his hands and lips all over her, doing everything she had done and more. The thought made her feel sick… so sick that she wanted to dry heave.

What was even more frustrating than all of the jealousy and heartbreak and self-hatred was the slight ache between her legs. They'd only kissed... But even from that short make out session, Santana felt more physically and emotionally than she ever thought possible. It had never been that intense with anyone before. It had never got to her that much.

It was the best and most powerful experience of her life. Every cell in her body hummed in response... she could still feel the ghost of Brittany's body pressed against her own. And it was too much. She couldn't get the air into her lungs anymore. She was choking, gasping for release from this unbearable pain in her stomach and chest.

Pushing herself to her feet, she slowly and robotically walked out of her room, down the stairs and out the front door. When the rain finally hit her face, she felt at home. It was here, as she lowered herself to lie on the damp grass in her front yard, that she allowed her muscles to unwind a little, the water droplets from the sky cleansing and soothing her tear-stained cheeks and soaking right through to her bones. She wished so much that the rain could seep into her heart and wash away the memory of Brittany… but at the same time, Santana felt that if the blonde disappeared from inside of her now, there would be nothing left at all.

So she just lay still and allowed the black sky and the cold water to devour her.

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An hour later, when her skin was frozen and her muscles were twitching and shivering against the cold, Santana finally relented and went back inside. She knew her mother would probably kill her for leaving soggy footprints and water stains on the carpet. But she didn't care. The rain had done enough to numb her for now. So it was worth the arguments.

She stripped off in the bathroom and climbed into a hot shower, sucking in air through her teeth as the warmth slowly spread through her. The tears had stopped for the moment. And she was grateful for that because her head was pulsing with a fresh headache, the kind she could never avoid when she really allowed herself to cry.

She knew that she might seem like a drama queen, getting so upset over some girl she just met a few weeks ago. But all of the composure she used to possess now seemed like a distant memory. Meeting Brittany had changed her on the deepest level. It was like she was truly feeling every emotion for the first time in her life… pain, fear, anger, love… She sighed and closed her eyes._ Not love. Just… really really like._

Santana was aware that her overreaction wasn't simply due to Brittany. It was also partly her fault. She wasn't comfortable with all of these… _feelings. _She didn't know how to handle them. They were on a completely different level to anything she'd ever experienced before. Because even though she would rather die than have anyone find out, Santana was, in a way, a true romantic. And she was full of the potential to feel very deeply. That was real reason why she stopped messing around with girls and dating 'just for the fun of it'. And that was why she had always loved to write. It was her way of detaching from the thoughts and emotions she didn't feel equipped to deal with and would rather push down.

But Brittany was something unexpected though. Something she didn't even know existed until now. All of those previously manageable feelings became amplified and ever since she first laid eyes on the blonde, she had felt completely powerless to her own emotions. They were suddenly all consuming. And when their lips had finally touched, the door that she had barely been holding shut was thrown wide open and all of those big, scary feelings rushed inside, forcing Santana to spiral out of control.

But she refused to lose herself to this. She couldn't let go of that fingertip hold she still had on her sanity.

So she couldn't make Brittany hers. It wasn't the end of the world. It was just fucking sucky. Really sucky.

Feeling utterly exhausted, Santana didn't even bother getting dressed. She just dried off and hopped into bed, trying her best not to cry again when she found the scent of Brittany's hair lingering on her pillow.

_Get a fucking grip Santana. You're acting like a baby. Yes, you're an idiot for letting yourself fall this hard. Yes, it is fucking awful and unfair that Brittany kissed you back and might have feelings for you too even though she has a boyfriend. But you still can't force her to tell you the truth. You can't make her leave him for you. And you certainly can't just sit around and sulk like a little bitch about it. You have to stay strong. _

With a million thoughts still racing through her mind, Santana somehow managed to let her eyes fall shut and allowed sleep to take her.

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'Hey.' Santana mumbled, looking very disheveled as she opened the front door for Kurt who came rushing in. Surprisingly, the evidence of her little rain adventure last night must have evaporated before her parents got home that morning because she hadn't been awoken by the screaming of furious Spanish expletives. Instead, Santana had slept through until almost 10am, when the sound of her mother and father leaving the house again woke her up. After that, it only took about half an hour for her to lose patience with herself and message Kurt.

'What's wrong? What happened?' He asked frantically, eyes darting around the room.

Santana just shrugged, sighing heavily and flopping down on the sofa in the living room.

He stared at her strangely. 'San… what's going on? In your text you said that you needed to see me ASAP!'

'Yeah… sorry bout that. I just wanted to talk to someone…'

'Why? What happened with Brittany last night?'

'Stuff.' She murmured, looking away. She didn't know why she was avoiding the topic. She had been the one to call Kurt over to talk about it. But now that he was here, she was afraid of breaking down again.

'What kind of… stuff?' He asked slowly as he sat down next to her and placed a gentle hand on her knee. 'Please tell me you didn't sleep with her…'

Santana shot him a disbelieving glare. 'No Kurt. Of course not.'

'Well then… what?'

'We just… kissed.' Santana sighed.

'You kissed?' Kurt echoed. 'Did you kiss her or did she kiss you?'

'I… I don't know. Both? It all happened so fast.' Santana began toying with a loose strand on the material of her pajama pants.

Kurt breathed in slowly, taking a moment to think. 'So… she kissed you back?'

'Yeah.'

'Are you sure?' He pressed.

'Yes! She was definitely involved in the kissing!' Santana rolled her eyes and groaned, exasperated.

'I'm just checking.' Kurt held his hands up defensively. 'So… does that mean she feels the same way then?'

Santana bit her lip and looked down at the floor. 'After we… ' She paused, not really wanting to repeat it again. 'I told her that I liked her. And then I asked her if she liked me too and… she wouldn't say... She just said she had to think and then… she left.'

Kurt frowned and wrapped the Latina up in a tight hug. To his surprise, Santana returned the squeeze and whimpered. 'Shhh… I know sweetie.' He whispered, feeling her body tremble slightly and her breathing thicken.

For a split second, Santana almost wanted to tell Kurt that she more than liked Brittany. That she was actually starting to think she might be falling in love with the girl. She wondered if it might help her to feel less alone, even just for a little while… but… no. She shook her head slightly against his shoulder. It would be ridiculous and pointless and beyond embarrassing. And saying it out loud would definitely make it real. Even though he was her best friend, she could never show that much weakness and vulnerability to him… And she especially couldn't admit to being in love with a girl who was not hers to love... a girl who belonged to someone else. Eventually, she pulled away and forced a tiny smile to her face. 'I'm fine. Really. It's okay.'

'No it's not… I mean, I know I should be mad at you because you promised that you wouldn't do anything with this girl.' He held up his finger as Santana opened her mouth to interrupt. 'But I understand that it wasn't your fault. Brittany clearly played a part here too.'

Santana's shoulders slumped in defeat. 'I could just tell… you know? I could feel it. There's something there.'

Kurt nodded and rubbed her shoulder softly.

'But she doesn't wanna be with me. She has a boyfriend. She's not just gonna up and leave him because of me.' Santana closed her eyes and pushed away the impulse to cry yet again.

'Listen Sannie…' Kurt ignored the Latina's scowl at his cutesy nickname and continued. 'She knows how you feel now. And from what you've told me, she might just feel the same… But you can't push it. You can't do anything now. The ball's in her court and if it's meant to be… it will work out.'

Santana sighed. 'I don't wanna sit around like some chump and fucking wait for her though. That's ridiculous.'

'Is it really?' Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. 'I know how much you like this girl. And even though I'm sure you won't admit it to me, I think you really, _deeply_ care about her… Isn't she worth the wait if there's the possibility that things might work out in the end?'

Santana raised her eyebrows. _Okay, so maybe I didn't even need to tell him. I guess he already kinda knows how I feel about her. Insightful little bastard. _'But what if she decides she doesn't want me Kurt. What if she just wants to stay with her stupid boyfriend?' Santana pleaded, her voice cracking slightly.

'Well… then you'll know you gave it a shot.' Kurt shrugged sympathetically. 'And trust me, if Brittany doesn't come to her senses and realize what an amazing girl you are… She's the one who's missing out.' He smiled gently.

Despite herself, Santana smiled back. She wanted to believe Kurt's words. She wanted to give Brittany the time and space she needed. 'Thanks Lady Lips.' She croaked and hugged him again.

She wanted to be strong. She wanted to do her best to make sure there was every chance that things might work out.

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Santana didn't hear anything from Brittany all weekend. Not that she really expected to. But that didn't stop her from hoping to get something… a text, a phone call… just any kind of indication towards what was going on with her right now.

It was torturous, not knowing what the girl was thinking or feeling… or doing. Had she told Mike what happened between them? Was he mad? Did he break up with her?

Santana felt a mixture of guilt and selfish relief at the thought. More than anything, she wanted Brittany to be happy. But at the same time, if the blonde was now single… well, that meant that things would be less complicated. Maybe Brittany might even consider giving her a chance?

But she refused to think that way. The image of Brittany heartbroken and crying was enough to push away any wishful thoughts of her and Mike breaking up.

The whole weekend and Monday at work had been a big mess. Santana was jittery and constantly in her own head. Her thoughts and feelings changed so often that she was beginning to wonder if she really had gone crazy. She skated along a large continuum of emotions… from utterly depressed and hopeless… to furious and spiteful… and then at times (when Kurt guided her), even slightly optimistic. Thankfully, she hadn't let it get in the way of her work too much though. Getting fired right now was the absolute _last _thing she needed.

She tried to remind herself that whatever happened if and when Brittany ever contacted her again, it would be okay. Life would go on. This was just another girl. Just another fucked up situation. She could deal.

After three days of silence though, she just wished that Brittany would put her out of her misery, whatever she had to say. The waiting was the worst part. And being constantly on edge was becoming unbearable.

Around 8 o'clock on Monday night, Santana was sitting in front of the TV in her living room, eating M&M's (her go-to comfort food) and lounging in some sweats and an old tee. Her mom had gone out for yet another work dinner with her dad and she was more than grateful to have the house to herself for a few hours.

She practically fell off the sofa though when she heard a loud knock on the front door. She rolled her eyes and groaned. _Who the fuck is that? _With another annoyed grumble, she swung her feet to the floor and shuffled over to the door, preparing to give whoever was knocking her best steely glare and cold hard bitch attitude. When she swung it open though, she could only look on in shock.

'H-hey.' Brittany mumbled, her hands toying with the edges of the pockets on her jeans nervously. 'Can I come in?'

Santana blinked hard a few times and hesitated before finally stepping back to allow the blonde inside. She had no idea why Brittany was there. She had never expected the girl to actually come to her house again after what happened between them… It was a pretty bold move.

'Listen… before you say anything… I just wanted to say… I'm sorry.' Brittany began, watching carefully as Santana closed the door and came to stand in front of her. 'I knew… what was… uh… I knew.'

Santana furrowed her eyebrows at this. _She knew that I liked her?_ _Guess I __**was **__being too obvious… _'Okay…' She replied slowly, not quite knowing how to respond.

'I… It was my fault because… I should have told you…' Brittany chewed her bottom lip and averted her eyes from the Latina's. 'This… us… it can't… nothing can happen.'

Santana felt her jaw clenching at this even though she had seen it coming. 'Oh…'

'Because… I'm… with Mike. And w-we can't… This can't go on…'

'So that's why you came here? To tell me that you don't have any feelings for me and what happened the other night was just a mistake?' Santana's tone was harsh and she folded her arms over her chest defensively. She knew she shouldn't be angry. She'd expected this. But she couldn't help but sense that Brittany was holding something back. Besides… she never did take rejection well.

'Yes.' Brittany whispered but it was so quiet that Santana almost didn't catch it. Her deep blue eyes still had not left her feet.

'Did you even tell him?' Santana suddenly snapped. 'Did you tell your boyfriend that you kissed me?'

Brittany just shook her head slowly. 'I couldn't… I-I… don't want him to… get hurt.'

Santana scoffed. 'You're already hurting him by staying with him when you're not sure how you feel! You can't keep leading him on!' _Whoa. That was way out of line. It's none of your business Lopez. Shut the fuck up!_

'You don't understand!' Brittany said loudly, almost yelling, her eyes finally reconnecting with dark brown. 'You don't know how guilty I feel! I don't think I could stand the look on his face…'

Santana rolled her eyes. 'We kissed Brittany. Whether you like it or not, you can't pretend it didn't happen. You might be able to just shove me out of your life and act like I never existed… But he deserves to know the truth.' Now she was really losing her grip. She had to stop talking. She was definitely putting her nose in where it didn't belong.

'It didn't mean anything!' Brittany was shouting now and she took a step closer to Santana to make sure she was heard.

'Oh yeah? It certainly didn't seem that way from my end blondie.' Santana retorted, returning Brittany's step forward with one of her own. She wasn't going to be intimidated by anyone. Even if it really was time to shut the hell up, she could feel her stubborn and fiery nature winning over. She never backed down from a fight. 'Say it. Say you don't feel anything for me.'

Brittany glared and Santana had never imagined that those soft blue eyes could hold so much anger. A few long seconds passed in their intense, silent staring competition and Santana smirked, opening her mouth to flaunt her victory with a witty remark… but before she even knew what was happening, Brittany had dragged her in by the front of her shirt and pressed their lips together furiously. Santana's eyes were wide as she felt herself being pushed up against the wall, the blonde's hands gripping her hair and the back of her neck.

It took her a second before she could respond, her fingertips dug into the denim on Brittany's hips and drawing their bodies closer together. All of that frustration and pain was replaced with need… a desperate desire to be close to the girl who had sent her whole world into such a spin.

Their tongues soon found each other and both girls moaned into the kiss. It was incredible. So full of heat and passion. Santana could feel every nerve in her body tingling and begging for more. Her hand reached under Brittany's shirt, trailing along the impossibly soft skin of her side and lower back. It was burning hot. She couldn't help but dig her fingernails in slightly. Brittany gasped but just pushed her body closer.

Santana couldn't hold back after that. Her body wouldn't let her. She kicked off the wall and hastily guided Brittany over to the sofa, their lips still joined in a heated kiss even as they fell onto it clumsily. Santana felt the blonde's leg between her own, pressing up into her center and she held back a whimper when Brittany shifted beneath her.

'Fuck.' She groaned, withdrawing her mouth to take a much needed breath. Brittany took the opportunity to lean over and place rough kisses and bites to her neck, causing the Latina to arch and squirm, her eyes rolling back into her head at the sensation.

Santana tried to focus for a second on what was happening but her mind just wouldn't listen. Instead, the hand that was underneath Brittany's shirt made a move to her front and began sliding up towards her chest. Just when her fingertips hit the fabric of Brittany's bra though, the sound of a car pulling into driveway abruptly caught the attention of both girls. Brittany stopped attacking her neck and looked straight up into her eyes.

Mixed in with the obvious desire and heat was panic and Santana instantly pulled back and sat up. She already knew what was coming next.

'I…'

'Have to go?' Santana answered for her, defeat lacing her words. But Brittany was already scrambling off the sofa and straightening her clothes.

The blonde opened her mouth to speak but after a few long seconds of silent staring, closed it again, her eyes sad and confused as she rushed out the front door.

Seconds later, Santana's mother and father walked in, chatting quietly. While her father offered her a brief smile and greeting before ascending the stairs to his bedroom, her mother crossed the living room and came to stand in front of her, her gaze curious and concerned.

'What's going on?'

'What do you mean?' Santana raised a cautious eyebrow.

'I saw that blonde girl leave. She looked upset. Santana… What's going on between the two of you?' The older woman asked gently but with a knowing undertone. 'Tell me the truth.'

Santana sighed in annoyance. First Kurt, now her mother. She was like a fucking hawk. Why did everyone in her life have to be so damn perceptive? 'There's nothing going on okay? She was… just sad that her… uh… cat died.'

Her mother frowned, obviously not believing the lie. Her eyes examined Santana's slightly ruffled hair and clothes pointedly before responding. She wasn't an idiot. She knew that look. 'Uh huh.'

Santana rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated breath. 'Whatever. I'm going to bed.' She grumbled, brushing passed that accusing stare and quickly moving upstairs to her bedroom.

Santana was sure that her mother knew the truth. She'd caught her making out with girls enough times in high school to know what it looked like. And she was right… there was definitely something going on between Santana and Brittany. Something _big._ She just had no idea what it meant and why Brittany refused to admit it.

How far would they have gone if her parents hadn't interrupted them? How long would Brittany have allowed it to go on?

Santana slammed her bedroom door behind her and picked up a pillow to throw across the room. This was seriously messed up. Brittany couldn't keep doing this to her.

She was going to go completely insane.

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**A/N: So... what'd you guys think about that?**

**Before anyone starts hating on Britt-Britt though, I just wanna say, don't. All people are flawed. She's not a bad person. She's just confused and stuff kay? Don't give up on her yet. **

**Anyways, apologies that this update took a little while. I wasn't really sure about this chapter and I hope it turned out okay. Give me your thoughts!**

**(Also, ONE DAY LEFT UNTIL V-DAY! That is all.) **


	11. Chapter 11

There was no was denying it after that night. Brittany definitely felt something for Santana. What that was however, was still up for debate. Was it just lust... simple physical attraction? No it couldn't be. Maybe their second kiss has been mostly driven by sexual tension and desire... but that first kiss certainly contained some emotion. Santana was positive about that.

But it didn't stop her from over-analysing each and every single second of their time together over the past days, searching for meaning and answers that she couldn't possibly acquire.

As the week passed and again she did not hear from Brittany at all, Santana began to realize that she could no longer play the victim. She might not have any control over what Brittany was currently thinking or doing... but she did have control over herself. And she was tired of this game.

Kurt was right. No matter how unfair Brittany's actions were right now, Santana still believed that the girl was worth the effort. She wouldn't give up on her yet. At the same time, that didn't mean she had to sit at home and stare at her phone all night, waiting for it to ring either. She needed to distract her ever buzzing thoughts while she waited for Brittany to sort herself out. Well... _if _Brittany was actually going to sort herself out that is...

Santana figured that even if the blonde decided to stay with her boyfriend and never tell him what happened, she should at least have the decency to call and tell her that. There was no way Brittany would just never contact her again. She might be acting a bit irrational right now but Brittany was definitely not the kind of girl that could ever be that inconsiderate and cruel.

Santana hoped that Brittany would at least be honest with Mike though. If it was her in that position, she would want to know if her girlfriend had cheated or had feelings for someone else, regardless of how much it would hurt. Although, if Brittany did specify that it was Santana that she had gotten involved with, would Mike come beating down her door and throwing accusations at her about trying to steal his girl? Santana wasn't afraid of taking on Mike. She wasn't afraid of taking on anyone. Snix was all the backup she'd ever need. But trash talking a guy who just got his heart broken over something she was at least partly responsible for? That just didn't sit right.

As much as Santana hated to admit it, if Mike came at her, she knew she would just have to take it on the chin. He had every right to despise her. She really should have backed off as soon as she found out Brittany had a boyfriend... or at least after their first little 'non-date' at the movies. Deep down, she knew things felt different that night. She knew that it was leading somewhere beyond friendly territory. But she kept repeating in her mind that she wasn't actively chasing her and she had no intention of making a move.

It was all so confusing. Santana felt guilty but she didn't. She felt she hadn't really gone after Brittany but at the same time she also kinda did. Just because her actions weren't overt didn't mean she was totally innocent. She could have stopped this all along by coming out and telling Brittany exactly how she felt and then promising to leave her alone before things got so out of hand. But instead she just kept convincing herself that she wasn't overstepping.

Now, all the boundaries and lines were blurred.

How far is too far when you develop feelings for someone who's already taken?

The whole thing was making Santana's head spin. She couldn't debate this with herself any longer. She was no innocent bystander. But she also wasn't some evil, girlfriend-stealing, manipulating bitch either. She did her best with the situation. She tried to do what she thought was right. She never wanted to break them up intentionally.

So that was it. She was just going to leave it be. Whatever happened now, she could only accept her actions and deal with the consequences.

By Saturday night, the dust had began to settle somewhat in Santana's mind. She had gone over everything a hundred times, looked at the circumstances from every possible angle. She was done. She just wanted to hang out with Kurt and have some good, clean, distracting fun.

Okay... so maybe not good and clean... but fun nonetheless.

And after all Santana's moping and making Kurt sit around with her to 'talk' about Brittany on multiple occasions, her best friend jumped at the idea of going out for a change.

'It's about damn time we got out of the house girl. I was beginning to think I'd have to beat you out of that slump.' He teased, fixing his hair in her mirror for the millionth time that night. Since they were going clubbing, he opted to ditch the fancy suits and went with a simple black v-neck sweater over a white tee and dark grey, expensive jeans. He looked immaculate as always.

'Like you could with those scrawny little tree branch arms.' Santana quipped, shoving him out of the way with her hip to apply the final touches on her mascara. Even though she wasn't too keen on the idea of going out dancing at a club and could already predict that she was probably going to get bored and want to leave early, she figured anything was better than sitting around brooding in her bedroom at this point. Besides, Kurt had invited his friend Blaine again and he was super excited about it so she didn't want to let him down.

Kurt opened his mouth in mock offense. 'I'll have you know that I get lots of compliments about my figure.'

Santana scoffed. 'Sure you do twink.'

Kurt rolled his eyes and poked her in the shoulder with a mischievous smile. He knew that Santana spurting insults was a good sign. It meant she was finally starting to settle back into her normal self.

Tonight they were going to the only gay club in town. Santana had never been before because it opened just after she left for college. And while Kurt assured her it would be a blast, she didn't have very high hopes for the place. She doubted that there could be more than 30 gay people in this town anyway.

She adjusted her plain black tank top slightly in the mirror. She never could go out without showing off at least some cleavage. Because seriously. Why have it if you're not gonna flaunt it? But other than that, the rest of her outfit - high heeled boots, dark blue skinny jeans and a black leather jacket - was very modest. She wasn't going to the club to pick up after all. She just wanted to be comfortable and have some fun.

Since they both planned on drinking, they caught a cab and met Blaine at the bar. After a quick handshake and smile with the short boy, Santana turned to look around the small club and felt her mouth hanging open at just how many people were there. Sure, it was way too dark and the air smelled of stale stage fog, but the place sure was jumping. There were guys and girls absolutely everywhere. She couldn't tell if they were all gay but she figured it didn't matter. When straight people went to gay bars, they were either really accepting friends of gays or secretly classified themselves as _open _or _pansexual _or something equally as ambiguous_. _Regardless, they were all there to have a good time.

Kurt and Blaine hugged for a particularly long moment and Santana smirked to herself. _At least someone's getting it right... _She mused, watching their shy smiles carefully as they exchanged a few shouted words of greeting. The music was thudding in her ears. Well, if you could even call it music. All she could really hear was the pumping bass and the screech of electronic notes playing something that resembled a melody faintly over the top. _Ugh. I'm already getting a headache._

After allowing the boys what she thought was enough time in their own little world, Santana suggested they get some drinks while they were at the bar. They bought a round, drank it quickly and ordered another. They figured it would be pretty much impossible to drink and dance at the same time, so they downed the second lot just as fast before struggling through the crowd and out to the dance floor.

Kurt and Blaine were quick to find their rhythm, grinding up against each other a little more suggestively than Santana had expected. She rolled her eyes as she danced next to them. _Great. Now I get to be the third wheel on a very gay tricycle. Lucky me. _

But just as she was preparing to go back to the bar, find herself a seat and get significantly drunker before even attempting to return to the oblivious pair, something caught her attention through the crowd.

A flash of blonde, mysterious hazel eyes. She knew that face.

It was Quinn - one the 'straight' girls she'd briefly dated during her senior year of high school.

Their relationship had always been a secret. Not that it was much of relationship in the first place though. They kinda just hooked up a lot at parties for a few months and skipped class to have sex a couple times. Quinn was always positive that she wasn't gay. She made that very clear to Santana. They were nothing more than fuck buddies. And she was only sleeping with her because she was bored and liked the thrill of doing something she knew her overly strict and religious parents would hate.

Quinn hadn't meant that much to Santana. But it still wasn't fun being used. They'd never been friends during high school, never even really spoken to each other before Santana came out. Then after Quinn found out the Latina's secret, she started flirting and chased her and Santana figured, why the hell not? She may as well enjoy it that a hot cheerleader wanted to mess around with her... even if it was mostly when they were drunk off their asses.

But when the blonde eventually called it off because some girl walked in on them making out in the janitor's closet, she told the whole school that Santana had forced her into the situation against her will. That didn't sit well with the Latina at all. She had enough shit to deal with without being labelled some kind of lesbian, deviant rapist.

Now, seeing Quinn in a gay club, dancing and flirting very openly with some short, brunette girl, Santana felt a sense of smugness and satisfaction overwhelm her. _This is gonna be fun._

'Hi Quinn.' She purred, striding up to the couple and tapping the blonde on the shoulder.

When Quinn spun around and saw who was trying to get her attention, her face went pale. 'S-Santana?'

'Oh so you remember me then?' Santana raised a challenging eyebrow.

There was a long pause before the small brunette standing next to them suddenly piped up. 'Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend Quinn?'

Quinn blinked a few times. 'Uh yeah... of course. Santana, this is Rachel. My... my uh...'

'Her girlfriend.' The short girl beamed and extended her hand to Santana for a friendly shake.

'Hi Rachel.' She shook the girl's hand confidently. 'Quinn and I used to be fuck buddies high school. Well... that is until she told everyone that I molested her in the janitor's closet... Isn't that right Q?'

'Uh...' Quinn frowned and looked away while Rachel stared at her in shock.

'Mmhmm.' Santana smirked and nodded. 'I can see that whole _I'm not gay_ thing really stuck well... Have you girls been together long?' Her voice was just coated venom.

'Six months.' Rachel replied, not really looking Santana in the eye.

'Wow Quinn. How are you parents taking that?' Santana prodded.

'We don't really talk anymore. They kicked me out when I told them.' Quinn said quietly, her words almost completely engulfed by the music.

Santana faltered. Maybe she shouldn't be going so hard on the girl. What Quinn had done to her in high school was not cool and she still held some resentment towards the hypocritical blonde for it... but coming out is hard. It's not exactly fun for anyone. And from what it sounded like, it had been particularly difficult for Quinn. 'Oh...' She said slowly and softened her posture. 'That sucks.'

'Yeah.' Quinn returned, looking utterly defeated.

Santana took a deep breath and sighed, already cursing herself for what she was about to say. 'Listen... How bout we just forget about it now? Okay? That shit's in the past and... we've both grown up so... Why don't you buy me a drink and we'll call it even?' Santana smiled gently, realizing that a few years ago, she never would have forgiven Quinn for spreading those ridiculous rumors about her. She must really be going soft.

Rachel seemed to perk up at the suggestion and took Quinn's hand in hers encouragingly. The blonde nodded and accepted the idea with a grateful smile; the couple leading the way back over to the bar.

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Three hours and almost ten drinks later, Santana, Kurt, Blaine, Quinn and Rachel were sitting at the bar about to do another round of shots.

'1... 2... 3!' Blaine yelled and the group tossed back their tequila with withered faces.

'Fuck! It tastes like poison!' Santana exclaimed, quickly reaching for her vodka orange to wash away the sting.

'That shit cray!' Quinn shook her head and poked out her tongue, swaying a bit in place as Rachel grabbed her arm to stop from falling over.

After alcohol was dropped into the mix, all had been forgiven. Quinn began apologizing profusely around her seventh cosmo and Santana simply grinned softly and accepted her messy _s__orry's _and explanations. She could tell the blonde genuinely felt bad for the way she'd treated her in high school and she figured it was only fair to give her a break. Everyone had their own way of dealing (or not dealing) with tough emotions. And it was so long ago now, it really didn't matter.

Quinn told her the story of how she had been fighting her fears all throughout high school and when Santana revealed her sexuality, she had seen it as a good opportunity to explore her own emotions. She had been scared and defensive. And she felt horrible about how she'd used the Latina for her own selfish purposes. Quinn even told Santana that she had really liked her at one point... but when they were discovered, she was terrified her parents would find out so she lied and ran from the situation.

Quinn eventually came out to her parents just before she started college and they immediately made it clear they wanted nothing more to do with her. She talked to her mother now on the odd occasion but she hadn't once spoken to her dad since.

Santana felt for the girl. She might have spent all these years hating her but things must have been really hard for Quinn. She didn't even want imagine how her life could have turned out with parents like that.

She was just pleased that Quinn now seemed to be out and proud and that she had a girlfriend she was clearly in love with... even if Rachel was quite loud and annoying... and broke out into song far more often than appropriate. The two girls seemed happy together and were constantly smiling and hugging.

It was actually making her kinda jealous.

And suddenly her thoughts were all on Brittany.

Santana sighed as the group around her laughed and chatted. Kurt had Blaine. Quinn had Rachel.

She was now the fifth wheel on this big shiny bus of homosexual delights.

_I need_ _another drink._

'Santana! I was just telling Rachel how you were the most amazing kisser!' Quinn suddenly blurted, turning away from the whispered conversation she was having with her girlfriend and facing the Latina. At this, Kurt and Blaine also glanced over at her with smug, curious grins.

'Huh?' Santana's eyebrows shot up. Clearly the girls were very comfortable with their relationship. As the night went on, Santana noticed that Rachel didn't seem at all jealous about the fact her and Quinn had a history. Or maybe that was just the excessive amounts of vodka and tequila...

'Why do you think I kept coming back for more?' Quinn waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Santana smirked despite herself. 'Well I was the hottest piece of action at that disgusting, broken down school.'

Kurt and Blaine laughed and Quinn nudged Rachel with her elbow pointedly. 'Rach, why don't you ask Santana to show you her skills?'

Santana blinked hard at this. She couldn't possibly have heard right. Was Quinn actually suggesting what she thought she was? That last shot must have really gone to her head.

'Do it! Do it! Do it!' Kurt and Blaine began chanting in unison behind her as Quinn shoved Rachel forward.

Nope. It was real. This was actually happening.

Rachel looked up at her shyly and bit her bottom lip.

'Uh...' Santana stalled. She didn't want to make out with Rachel... or any random girl for that matter. Even in her drunken haze, she knew she only wanted Brittany.

But suddenly a spiteful thought struck her.

If Brittany hadn't told Mike about her, then they could be making out right now. Or worse. Santana shuddered. The image of Brittany being that close to someone else was enough to change her mood completely. If the blonde didn't care about her feelings right now... well then she didn't care either.

Santana leaned forward and pressed her lips against Rachel's in a heated kiss. It was a bit messier than she preferred and she was using far more tongue than usual... but that's just what happens when you get your mack on with a stranger while drunk. The group around her cheered and yelled suggestive things as they kissed. Santana felt nothing. The unfamiliar lips on her own drew no spark, no emotion. The act felt pointless.

But when she pulled away, she plastered a wide smirk of accomplishment on her face. A kiss was still a kiss. She could deal with the emptiness and regret in the morning.

Rachel grinned stupidly and nodded her head at Quinn. 'You were right! Her lips are soooo soft!' She squealed and Quinn just laughed.

'Yeah I think I remember how that went... But just to be sure.' Quinn surprised Santana completely as she lunged at her, joining their lips in a heavy kiss. Her hand wrapped tightly into the Latina's hair as she pushed her tongue into her mouth.

Rachel, Kurt and Blaine once again laughed and applauded loudly. Santana barely even had a chance to think though before the blonde withdrew, licking her lips with a smirk.

'Mmm... Soft.' Quinn winked flirtatiously.

And then Santana began to feel extremely uncomfortable, the emotion manifesting as a strong churn in her stomach. Not because Quinn was a bad kisser. And not because the actions of either girl were totally unwanted.

But because she wished more than anything that she had been kissing Brittany instead... That Brittany was _hers _to kiss. All of that stuff she was planning to put off thinking about until the morning was suddenly making her head fuzzy. Quinn and Rachel could kiss her now and laugh and be idiots... but in the end, none of it mattered because they got to go home together and wake up to each other in the morning.

Santana didn't have anyone. And all too quickly, that feeling of loneliness cooled her skin and made her feel sick.

She excused herself and rushed to the bathroom, vomiting up more than she ever thought her stomach could contain. When she was finally done, she sat on the cold tile with her head in her heads and slumped back against the stall door, groaning weakly. The feeling was still there, grimy and unpleasant. She couldn't even throw it up. And she knew it would only be ten times worse in the morning.

The most annoying part was that along with the sadness and hopelessness that was beginning to take over her thoughts... she felt guilty.

Even though Brittany wasn't hers and she didn't owe her anything and those kisses she shared with Rachel and Quinn were anything but serious... she felt as if she had betrayed herself somehow. In the past, she swore that she wouldn't run from her feelings ever again... and that she wouldn't mess around with random girls to avoid her issues or just for the hell of it.

But was it really that big of a deal? She had nothing to feel bad about. It had meant nothing. It was just a bit of fun. She shouldn't be beating herself up over it.

Santana sighed and leaned her head back against the door, feeling the whole room tilt and lurch around her. Things never went well when she got this drunk.

She was really going to hate waking up tomorrow.

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**A/N: If you don't like the Quinntana/Pezberry stuff please don't yell at me lol I promise that's all and it won't ever happen again... but it was kinda necessary for the sake of the story. **

**And I also apologize for the lack of Brittany in this chapter but again, that was necessary. I know it's hard that her stuff is all going on behind the scenes and it would be nice to hear her perspective too... But that's not how this story goes. In real life, you don't know the other person's side until you hear it for yourself. And don't worry, you will hear it all in good time.**

**Let me know what you thought! **

**And if you enjoy some Faberry appearances, give me the heads up and I might bring them back at some point later in the story! :D **

**P.S. In case you missed it, Quinn saying 'That shit cray' was a little nod to Dianna's infamous tweet a while back lol Random =P**


	12. Chapter 12

**To everyone – After the last chapter, I received VERY mixed opinions about Quinn and Rachel's involvement with this story. They certainly won't be showing up again (directly) any time soon. As for future involvement, I am still undecided. **

**The Faberry in this story was necessary because I wanted it to be A) an encounter with someone Santana already knew from her past... and B) Her kissing a COUPLE. There are lots of feelings that come with this situation which are very different from just 'hooking up with a random girl'. I know because I've experienced it. It was quite an unsettling moment.  
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**I also just thought that the readers might appreciate a little bit of extra Glee thrown in there because I always enjoy that myself. I'm sorry to those of you who didn't like the Faberry, I will keep your opinions in mind. But whether or not they make another appearance later, they have probably already played the most major role they will have in this story. **

**Okay. Let's get this train back on the rails. **

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Santana was right to think that she would feel absolutely horrible in the morning. She woke up sprawled out on her bed, mouth dry and head pounding with the after effects of a big night. To add to her discomfort, that queasy feeling of shame was still rocketing around in her stomach and memories of unfamiliar and emotionless kisses still lingered on her lips. This was certainly not the first time she had felt this way... but she began to pray it would be the last.

Making out with Quinn and Rachel may not have meant anything. But to Santana, it seemed to confirm her worst fears. Seeing the two girls so happy and in love last night solidified that emptiness crawling inside of her and kissing them, silly and playful as it was, had just reminded her of exactly what she was missing. She craved intimacy so deeply that it formed a cool ache in her chest when she thought of how Quinn and Rachel would be waking up together now and giggling about the fun they had last night. She wondered if they would talk about her and critique her kissing ability.

They seemed pretty pleased with her skills at the time but... what if they were making fun of her now? After all, they had each other. Nobody else really mattered. They could say whatever they wanted when they were alone. The thought made Santana more than a little uncomfortable and self-conscious. Going along with their strange game had to be one of the stupidest things she'd ever done. Santana felt disgusted with herself.

The sooner she forgot about last night, the better.

Groaning as she lifted her head from the pillow, Santana twisted her stiff body and felt her leg hit something beside her in the bed. Her heart jumped._ What the fuck is that?_ Quickly snapping her head around, her gaze landed on Kurt, lying motionless on the bed beside her. She let out a small breath of relief. He must have been too drunk to go home by himself. The last thing Santana remembered clearly from the previous night was stumbling out of the bathroom after throwing up and Blaine laughing and telling her that she needed to take Kurt home. There was a hazy memory of her goodbyes with Quinn and Rachel and then having to hold Kurt up as he was on the verge of passing out as they left the club. She only partially recalled the cab ride home but she figured that she'd probably told him to stay at hers because he was crazy drunk.

With a gentle nudge to his shoulder, she tried to wake her friend up. 'Kurt...' Her voice was low and scratchy from sleep.

There was a quiet grumble beside her.

'Kurt, wake up.' Santana prodded him more forcefully and sat up.

'What?' He whimpered, opening his eyes and lifting his face from the pillow.

Santana rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples, trying to soothe away some of the throbbing in her head. 'You're drooling on my pillow.'

'Huh?' He abruptly wiped his mouth and sat up straight, instantly grasping his own head in pain. 'What happened last night? When did we get home?'

'Not really sure.' Santana sighed. 'But I'm guessing it was pretty late.'

'Ugh...' He groaned and rolled his shoulders trying to ease sore muscles. 'I feel gross.'

'Coffee?' Santana suggested, the idea sounding even better out loud.

'Definitely.' Kurt nodded but quickly squinted his eyes at the twinge that joined the abrupt gesture.

There were a few moments of hesitation as neither made any move to get up. Eventually, Kurt glanced over at Santana expectantly.

'What? I ain't making it.' Santana quipped. 'Let's go to the Bean.' She offered, standing up and stretching her back. 'You drive.'

Kurt grunted but agreed.

Since they'd both slept in their clothes, they didn't have to waste time getting changed. They just downed some painkillers for their headaches, brushed their teeth and fixed their hair (and Santana of course touched up her makeup) before they left the house.

When they entered the coffee shop, Kurt and Santana were both sporting dark sunglasses to shield their eyes from the harsh morning light. It was unusually busy in their little caffeine haven for a Sunday morning and some of the patrons gave them knowing stares when they refused to remove their sunglasses once inside. It was a dead giveaway for a hangover. Well, that or they were trying to hide puffy, crying eyes. Either way, it was a suspect move. After buying a couple of double shots, they found a table in the back and settled in for a long stay.

'Oh sweet heavenly Gaga.' Kurt mumbled with a look of absolute bliss on his face after a long swig of coffee.

Santana sighed in agreement. Nothing had ever tasted so wonderful in her life. She was suddenly thankful that she had thrown up the night before. She usually couldn't stomach much at all when she had a big hangover but that familiar nauseous churn wasn't nearly as apparent today.

They continued to drink their hot beverages in contented silence for a few minutes until Kurt's phone buzzed to life on the table. He picked it up and read over the screen.

'Who is it?' Santana asked, barely interested.

'Blaine.' Kurt let a tiny, shy smile grace his lips.

'Ooooh.' Santana wiggled her eyebrows and leaned forward on her elbows on the table. 'How's lover boy this morning?'

Kurt made a face at her. 'He's fine. Just wants to know if we got home okay last night.'

'Is that so?' Santana pressed.

'Mhmm.' Kurt grinned dreamily, his eyes fixed back to the screen of his phone as began typing out a reply.

'You know, you didn't tell me how serious things were getting with you two... I saw you getting down together on the dance floor.' Santana teased with a smirk and received a dramatic eye roll from her friend. 'Although I guess I have been kinda busy talking your ear off with my own issues lately.' Santana sighed. She'd been awake less than two hours and Brittany was already dancing her way to the forefront of her brain. Santana shook her head to try and release the thoughts. 'Sorry bout that.'

'It's no big deal.' Kurt looked up and shrugged kindly. His patience and understanding never ceased to amaze Santana. She really needed to work on being a better friend. 'Anyways... we've only hung out a few times.' Kurt attempted to brush the topic away but it didn't stop the colour emerging in his cheeks.

Suddenly a thought occurred to Santana, a question she realized she should have asked long before.

'Wait... have you said anything to Blaine about me and Brittany?' Santana enquired in a hushed tone, panic starting to rise inside of her. How much did Blaine know about them? What if he'd told Mike?

'No... Of course not.' Kurt replied slowly, obviously confused. 'Why does it matter?'

'Because!' Santana was fighting the urge to raise her voice in alarm. 'Blaine is friends with Mike, Brittany's boyfriend! Remember? That's why she was at his party!'

'Oh...' Kurt's face curled into understanding. 'No no. I haven't said anything to him about that. Like I said, we've only seen each other a couple of times since the party... Well, not counting last night.'

'And you're sure you didn't say anything about me liking Brittany?' Santana was still tense but her worry was beginning to ease a bit.

'I'm sure Santana. We never got that personal. I mean, we've known each other for a while now - through friends of friends - but... it's still early... We only recently started to get close. And we usually just talk about really casual stuff when we're together. You know - books, movies, plays... To be honest, if you didn't remind me, I would have completely forgotten that Blaine even knew Brittany and her boyfriend. He hasn't said anything about them.'

Santana released a deep breath. At least something had finally fallen her way. Maybe Mike and Blaine weren't even that close? Maybe they only saw each other every few months or something?

'Anyway...' Kurt drew out the word and smiled comfortingly at his friend, before returning his attention to his phone and tapping away. 'Now that's sorted... Do you mind if I invite him to join us for coffee?'

Santana shook her head and attempted to reciprocate his smile. 'No that's fine.' She might have panicked a bit prematurely. Of course Kurt hadn't said anything. Even if he and Blaine had gotten really close, he would never go behind her back like that. He was too loyal. She knew she could trust him with her deepest, darkest secrets and he would never tell. She allowed herself to relax back into her seat. Blaine would come meet them and she'd be polite and welcoming to the guy. Kurt deserved that and so much more.

And hell, maybe they'd even have fun. Despite having some of the thickest, strangest shaped eyebrows she'd ever seen in her life, Blaine was a nice guy and Santana couldn't help but like him. If the whole Brittany and Mike thing wasn't going to be an issue, she figured they could even become friends and the three of them could hang out more often.

'Great!' Kurt bounced excitedly as he thumbed at his phone. Within a minute, it buzzed again as he received another message. 'He said he's on his way now.'

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About fifteen minutes later, Blaine came strolling through the door. Kurt instantly perked up at his arrival and Santana spun around to follow her friend's line of sight to the front of the coffee shop. It wasn't until she saw who was following Blaine that her heart plummeted in her chest.

Just behind the short guy, was a couple - a tall, slender blonde girl and an attractive Asian guy. Brittany and Mike. Santana could have sworn that she died a little inside, that a piece of her was somehow torn away. And for the second time in as many days, she felt her world become completely surreal. There was just no way she could be seeing things right.

Sure enough though, as the small group approached the table and her eyes connected with bright blue, steeled with sudden realization and fear, she knew this was no dream.

'Hey guys!' Blaine announced, chipper as ever.

'Hey!' Kurt stood, hugged his friend and then turned to the other two guests expectantly. It occurred to Santana in that moment that Kurt had never actually seen either of these people... so right now he had no idea who they were. She'd only ever talked to him about them.

'Hope you don't mind. I ran into some friends on my way over here and thought I'd ask them to join us. Kurt, Santana... This is Brittany and Mike.' Blaine beamed.

Kurt looked over at her straight away and it was clear that he was desperately trying to hide the shock and apprehension that came with learning who the new additions were. Santana turned away and stared down at her hands, fiddling with a packet of sugar and willing herself not to be sick.

Not wanting to seem strange, Kurt quickly pasted on a smile and shook their hands politely.

'Hi.' He said to each of them, following Blaine to grab a few extra chairs from a nearby table so the group could sit down.

Santana was glad that she still had her sunglasses on. At least they did something to hide the look of horror that was currently ingrained into her eyes. She kept her attention focused on her hands on the table.

'Hey! We've met before haven't we? At Blaine's party?' Mike suddenly spoke up, obviously recognizing her despite Santana's best efforts to disappear. He grinned brightly and leaned across the table to shake her hand.

Santana suppressed her emotions for a moment to accept the handshake and give a brief smile and nod, trying to appear as unaffected as possible. Her mind was racing and blank all at the same time. 'Yeah.'

Mike sat back in his seat and glanced over at Brittany who looked ashen and physically uncomfortable. Her expression was something between ashamed, defeated and terrified. 'Hey Britt, aren't you guys friends?' Mike prodded cheerily.

Brittany simply nodded her head stiffly and forced a grin. 'Hey Santana.'

Santana wasn't sure whether to feel furious or dejected at the sound of her name rolling so mechanically off the blonde's tongue.

There was a long, awkward silence. Mike seemed relatively oblivious to it as he continued to smile and gaze around the group happily. Kurt looked on in distress, not knowing what to do. And Blaine watched the exchange curiously as Santana and Brittany kept their eyes anywhere but on each other.

'So, Kurt... What do you do for a living?' Mike eventually piped up.

Santana couldn't help but tune out as the conversation began to flow around her. Brittany was there, sitting right across from her... with her boyfriend. Seeing them together caused so many emotions to swirl through her. She felt guilty. She felt jealous. She felt torn. And it was clear from his overly pleasant demeanour and that extremely casual greeting that Mike obviously didn't know anything about them. It seemed Brittany had barely even mentioned her. Should she feel angry that the blonde had kept her a secret? Was she ashamed of her or something?

As the boys continued to talk, Santana watched Mike closely. She wanted to hate him. She wanted him to be a nameless, faceless entity that existed for no other purpose other than to keep her and Brittany apart. That way, she wouldn't have to feel so damn bad about herself.

But... with each smile and laugh and friendly question from the guy she realized she didn't hate him. She couldn't. Despite her envy and pain, Santana couldn't help but think that Mike just seemed so nice... and gentle... and genuine. And real.

He was definitely real.

He was a living, breathing, feeling human - one that would be absolutely heartbroken if he found out what had happened between her and Brittany, how _close_ they really were.

Although Santana didn't notice, Kurt continued to glance over at her while he spoke, praying she would just snap out of it and play along for now. He sympathized with his friend but this was not the time or the place to lose her cool. She needed to push through it... and then later, they could talk. But no matter how many pointed looks Kurt shot her way, Santana remained oblivious, drifting in her own silent stupor.

It wasn't until the conversation finally hit a lull and Mike caught her eye directly that Santana was snapped out of her thoughts. She quickly turned away, wondering if she'd been caught staring.

'So... big night last night.' Blaine laughed, changing the subject effortlessly with a knowing grin. 'Did you two pull up okay?' He asked, directing his focus to Kurt and Santana. His voice suddenly seemed so loud and piercing to her... almost like she was standing far away and he was shouting to catch her interest.

Kurt smiled. 'Yeah. We're a little worse for wear but nothing too serious. Right San?' He nudged his friend, trying to draw her attention.

Santana jumped at the touch as if she'd just been bitten by a snake. Her thoughts were going so fast she could barely do anything but sit there. She risked a glimpse at Brittany. The blonde still hadn't said anything either. She was simply staring at a crack in the dark mahogany table and tracing her fingernail through it slowly.

'Yeah.' Santana answered, feeling everyone's eyes on her. She didn't have enough time to process this all properly. She had to put on a happy face. She had to act like there weren't a million conflicting emotions swelling up inside of her and threatening to take over. But this whole situation was just... so fucking uncomfortable.

Blaine smirked at her from across the table. 'Well you certainly had a good time missy! I didn't know you were such a player!' He teased. 'After all that making out I'm surprised you haven't got a rash today!'

Santana's stomach dropped and her eyes instantly found Brittany. The girl's expression was hard, unreadable. The corner of her mouth twitched as Blaine grinned smugly. Santana felt the sudden urge to punch him in the face.

'Excuse me for a moment.' Brittany said quietly, shoving back her chair and striding off towards the bathroom without another word.

Santana could hear her heartbeat thudding in her ears as the group watched her go._ What the fuck... _

There was another long pause as Blaine realized Santana wasn't going to respond to his comment. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

'So... Mike... how long have you been dancing?' Kurt spoke up. He knew what Brittany's rushed exit meant and desperately wanted to take the focus away from it.

As Mike gave his answer and the boys began a slightly forced yet rhythmical conversation again, Santana felt her breathing quicken. Their voices were just noise. She couldn't take it in even if she tried. She wanted to follow Brittany. No, she _had _to follow her. She couldn't just sit here and do nothing until the girl came back. Even if it was going to look super weird, she had to go. She had to know what the blonde was feeling.

Scooting back in her chair, Santana whipped off her sunglasses, placed them on the table and stood. 'Back in a sec.' She offered. Mike and Blaine looked confused and Kurt gave her a stern warning glare but she ignored him.

She had to talk to Brittany.

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Santana pushed open the door to the bathroom and found Brittany leaning against the sink, staring into the mirror. Cautiously, she approached and came to stand behind her.

'Hi.' She said quietly, her voice shaking slightly.

'Hey.' Brittany replied as her eyes dropped down to the sink.

The silence was deafening but Santana had no idea what to say. This situation was crazy awkward. There was no way either of them could have known this was going to happen. Santana had never even mentioned Kurt by name around Brittany... so even if Blaine had revealed the name of the guy he was going to meet at the coffee shop, there was no way Brittany could have predicted they might possibly run into each other today.

'I'm guessing you still haven't told him.' Santana eventually heard herself say.

'No.' Brittany whispered and turned around to face her.

Santana took a deep breath and folded her arms over her chest. 'Well... he seems like an awesome guy.' She shrugged, not really believing it was her that had said that. She was usually such a bitch when she was hurt. Obviously the shame of what she'd done last night and the guilt she felt this morning after seeing Mike had somehow transformed her into a much more sensitive person.

'He is.' Brittany also crossed her arms and leaned back against the sink. 'I care about him a lot.'

Santana nodded, her heart throbbing at the admission. Suddenly the prickle of tears became a priority and she had to blink hard to keep them back. 'I know...' She murmured, not trusting her voice to speak more than a few words.

There was another long moment of silence.

'So you had fun last night huh?' Brittany drew Santana from her fight against the looming onslaught of tears. _Was that... jealousy?_

'Why? What do you care?' Santana retorted. There was that hint of bitchiness. Maybe she hadn't lost it after all.

'I don't.' Brittany turned her head away bitterly.

Santana watched her closely for a while before letting her arms fall to her sides in defeat. As much as Brittany wanted to pretend she wasn't hurt, Santana could see it in her eyes that she was.

'It was just an old ex and her girlfriend. We were drunk and... they were being idiots. It didn't mean anything.' Santana wasn't exactly sure why she was saying this. She didn't owe the blonde anything... especially since Brittany had just been sitting right in front of her with Mike, a happy couple for all to see. But she needed to tell Brittany truth. She never liked misunderstandings. They were just irritating. It was much easier to just say things straight out.

More importantly though, Santana needed Brittany to know that she wasn't playing around... that she was serious about liking her and what happened between them was real.

Brittany raised an eyebrow at her and scoffed. 'Aren't we popular?' Her voice was harsh and it surprised Santana.

'What's that supposed to mean?' She challenged.

'Three girls in one week? Quite the achievement... ' Brittany taunted. 'I guess I was right to not tell Mike about what happened.'

'Excuse me?' Santana gaped at her. 'Don't you dare try and blame me for your inability to be honest with your boyfriend. You're just scared and you know it!'

'I didn't want to hurt him! But obviously it was a good thing I didn't risk it when you clearly don't care anyway!' Brittany yelled.

'I don't care? Are you fucking serious? Brittany, do you have any idea how much I like you?' Santana fumed, stepping closer to her. 'Do you think I would act this way over some girl who had a boyfriend and couldn't get their shit sorted out if I just wanted to _mess around_? I care about you... a fucking lot okay? If I didn't, I would have told you to leave me alone by now!'

'You care about me so much that you go out, get wasted and make out with other girls without a second thought?' Brittany snorted. 'That's a really funny way of showing it.'

'I told you that meant nothing! And besides, I shouldn't have to explain myself to you.' Santana was livid, her eyes wide, her breathing heavy and her heart pumping. She had almost no control over what she was saying. It all just seemed to flow out. 'I fucking went out because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I got drunk and did stupid shit because just for one night, I didn't want to feel so fucking horrible. You've made it very clear that I can't have you and I'm trying to respect that... But that doesn't mean all these feelings just go away by themselves!'

Brittany just stared at her intensely.

'Jesus Brittany. I'm fucking trying my hardest here. You come over, you kiss me, you tell me that we can't be together and then I don't hear from you again... What did you expect me to do? I can't sit around and wait forever.' Santana slowly became aware that she was crying and began to furiously wipe away the tears on her cheeks. She was revealing way too much. But she just couldn't help herself. She felt embarrassed and weak.

'I d-didn't...' Brittany said quietly, moving towards Santana's shaking form.

'Just... forget about it okay? Mike's obviously a great guy. I don't blame you for not wanting to hurt him. But... can you just tell me that it's over now? I need to hear it.' Santana sobbed. 'Please.'

Brittany took a step forward, closing the gap between their bodies and wrapping her arms around the shorter girl. At first, Santana tried to push her away... but Brittany was strong and she eventually gave in and hugged her tightly, revelling in the small comfort and release that came with being held by the blonde.

'I'm sorry.' Brittany whispered after a few long moments, gently stroking Santana's dark hair.

'Ugh. Why? I'm the one getting all crazy and hysterical.' Santana responded bitterly. Now that she was calming down a bit, she realized just how much she had overreacted. She hated the fact that she'd broken down so completely in front of the blonde. She felt far too exposed now.

'I... I never should have come over that night. I... never should have flirted with you in the first place... At the grocery store... at the party... on our hike...' Brittany withdrew slightly and looked straight into Santana's eyes. 'Santana... when... when we first met, I felt something for you. I knew that there was something there.'

Santana furrowed her eyebrows at this, confused.

'I tried to pretend that we could just be friends... T-that I didn't have feelings for you... Because... I had a boyfriend... And I never wanted to hurt him.' Brittany sighed. 'But I couldn't help it...' She shrugged. 'I liked you... and I could feel that you liked me too. This is my fault.'

Santana could only stare at her. She had no idea that Brittany had felt that way about her all this time. Sure, she knew there was something there after the first kiss but... was the blonde really saying that she'd liked her since they first met?

'And even though I haven't told him because I'm scared... And you probably think I'm an awful person... I know that what I feel for you is... very different from what I feel for Mike.' Brittany paused, chewing on her bottom lip. 'It's... more. And I can't push it away no matter how hard I try.'

Santana breathed out heavily, the fact that Brittany was still holding onto her arms was not lost on her. She ran her fingers up and over the soft skin lining the blonde's forearms, feeling a slight shiver in response. She could barely believe what she was hearing. It felt like a dream and even though Santana realized that she should be shocked into immobility by Brittany's revelation, all she wanted in that moment was close the distance between their bodies and kiss the girl until neither of them could think straight.

Just as Santana went to lean in though, the door swung open and they sprang apart. It was Kurt, his hand over his eyes as he stuck his head into the ladies room.

'Uhhh... Are you girls alright in here? We were getting worried.' He asked blindly.

Santana straightened out her clothes and cleared her throat. 'Yeah. We're fine Kurt. We'll be out in a minute.'

'Okay.' He disappeared from the door and Brittany glanced back up at her.

'C-Can you just give me a chance to figure things out?' She pleaded, her blue eyes now filled with doubt and desperation. 'I know that what I'm doing isn't right... I know that Mike deserves someone that can be his completely... someone who can give him so much more than I ever could...' Brittany swallowed hard, tears thickening her voice. 'He hasn't done anything wrong... And it's going to be really awful for us both at school if I hurt him... I need to think... and make sure I get this right...'

Santana nodded but barely processed what was being said. Did that mean Brittany was definitely going to tell Mike what happened? Was she going to break up with him? She still wasn't sure what the blonde was implying. How long was she going to have to wait to hear from Brittany again?

But Santana didn't ask any more questions. She was pretty sure her voice wouldn't work even if she wanted it to. Brittany left the bathroom and she just stared at her reflection in the mirror.

What now?

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**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I edited and re-edited and re-re-edited and I'm still not sure if it works completely. I guess you all know a little more of what Brittany's feeling now though. There's still a way to go... but it should pay off in the end! =)**

**Leave me your thoughts =P (But if you really hate it, then just hate in silence lol I like constructive criticism though!)**


	13. Chapter 13

**This hiatus sucks hey guys? =P**

**Anyways... Even though I said I don't usually put songs into fics, I think I'm gonna make an exception again lol... so if you're into listening to music while you read, go for 'Gravity' by Sara Bareilles during Santana and Brittany's conversation in the coffee shop. **

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_Thick, glassy nectar that asphyxiates_

_Dark whirlpools; sapphire sparks _

_A golden landscape, horizon stretching melted and frozen_

_Fear drenched in feathered sweetness_

_And..._

_And..._

_Ugh. _

_Fuck this shit. Could I sound any more pretentious?_ Admittedly, poetry was never her strong suit but Santana knew that she could do better. She groaned quietly to herself and scrunched up the piece of paper she had been scribbling on. She had resigned to the fact that Brittany had taken up residence in her consciousness and was settling in for the long haul, so it seemed reasonable to try and release some of her nagging emotions onto paper. No matter what she wrote though, it was always too simple, or too complex... and it often ended up sounding preachy and arrogant and contrived. It seemed that there was just no way to put Brittany into words.

The girl was inexplicable.

'Santana?'

'I'm upstairs.' Santana called over her shoulder, hearing her mother's voice echo up to her room. The sound of feet on the stairs followed soon after and she turned when the older woman rapped lightly on her doorframe.

'Hey honey.' Her mother smiled. 'Can I come in?'

Santana let out a slow sigh and spun around fully in her desk chair. 'Sure. What's up?'

'Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing.'

Santana quirked an eyebrow as her mother moved to sit on the edge of her bed. 'I'm fine...'

'Yeah? How was work today?' Her mother pressed.

'It was alright I guess.' Santana narrowed her eyes at the older woman. It wasn't like she hated just chatting to her mom for no reason but... it wasn't something that happened very often. Or... ever.

There was definitely something about this situation that felt forced and Santana knew instantly was leading somewhere serious and nosey.

'That's good.' Her mother nodded with a gentle smile.

Santana allowed the inevitable awkward pause before speaking again. 'Mom... Just ask me whatever it is you want to ask.' She rolled her eyes and crossed one knee over the other. 'Is this about me living here? Do you and dad want me to move out now that I have a job and a steady paycheck? Because I was thinking th-'

'No! No... It's not that.' Her mother's eyes widened as she cut her off and laughed lightly. 'I'm just... worried about you. That's all.'

'Why?' Santana made a face. 'I'm not sitting around at home anymore. I go to work every day and hang out with Kurt most weekends. I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally doing something with my life.'

'I am sweetie.' The older woman frowned. 'And I know you've made some big changes._.._ but... I'm not blind. I can see that even though you're leaving the more house now, you're still not happy.' Her mother sighed. 'I know what you're going to say. This is none of my business. And I don't want to pry. But... you should just know that... I'm here for you Santana. If you ever want to talk... About _anything_. ' She emphasized, giving her daughter a pointed look. 'I'm here.'

Santana could read the subtext easily. After her mother had questioned her those few times about Brittany, Santana knew this was her way of saying that she fully accepted her sexuality and was willing to talk about her relationships or issues with women openly.

The thought was a little unnerving. Santana was completely comfortable with herself and was thrilled that her parents were supportive of her sexual preferences... but she wasn't sure if she was ready just yet to start having intense d&m's with her mom about her girl troubles. Actually, she wasn't sure if she'd _ever_ be comfortable with that. It made something squirm in her stomach.

'Thanks Mom.' Santana replied genuinely. 'But... I'm fine. I promise.'

Her mother furrowed her eyebrows at her, concerned. 'Are you sure Mija?'

Santana smiled and nodded. 'Yeah I'm sure. It's nothing I can't handle.'

The older woman let out a long breath and patted the tops of her own thighs, acknowledging the rejection with kind understanding. 'Okay then.' She stood and walked towards the door. 'Dinner will be ready in ten.' She announced gently before leaving the room.

Santana leaned back in her chair and folded her hands behind her head. She wondered if she might feel more inclined to talk about girls with her mother if she had something positive to say. Images of bringing Brittany home for a family dinner and proudly introducing the gorgeous blonde to her parents suddenly flashed through her mind. She imagined Brittany grinning at her cheekily and holding her hand underneath the table. She heard the girl's soft giggling and whispering in her ear.

Santana blinked hard in an attempt to force the thoughts away. She knew her parents would absolutely adore Brittany because... who wouldn't? She was just... wonderful. It made Santana's heart ache to think that the first girl she had ever really wanted to _bring home to mom and dad_ so to speak, was a girl that might never be hers.

Santana still had no clue what Brittany was thinking or doing at this moment. It had once again been a number of days since she'd heard from her and the fear was beginning to return at full force. How long was Brittany going to make her wait for an answer? Their last conversation certainly hadn't been a total rejection. But it also wasn't a promise or anything to base her hopes on.

Brittany had feelings for her too... and strong ones at that. But was the girl ready to make that next, dramatic step and break it off with Mike? Was she willing to sacrifice what she had with him in order to give Santana a chance?

This state of limbo that Brittany was keeping her in was starting to make Santana crazy. She was still unsure of how to handle these plaguing unanswered questions. And Santana reasoned that if she could just talk to the girl, even if it was for only a few minutes, she might be able to find out how Brittany was feeling or if she'd made a decision. Just something... anything that would lessen the darkness and shed some light on the current status of their situation. Maybe then she could figure out whether or not her fears were warranted... whether her persistence was justified...

_Wait... why not?_ _I might be waiting for her to figure things out but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to see her at all... right? _Santana thought to herself. _There's nothing wrong with just talking..._

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On Friday afternoon, Santana got off work early. It'd been almost five whole days since she'd last spoken to Brittany in the bathroom at the coffee shop and she figured this was as good a time as any to visit the blonde again.

As she stepped out of her car in the parking lot of the grocery store, she remembered how she'd left the bathroom that day only to find Brittany and Mike already leaving their table. She'd done her best to smile politely and wave goodbye and was thankful that Blaine didn't question her slightly strange behaviour further.

Although, on Monday at work, Kurt had told Santana that Blaine texted him the previous night to ask if he knew what was going on with her and Brittany... but thankfully Kurt had replied he didn't think it was anything and they'd probably just got carried away gossiping in the ladies room like typical girls. She was once again exceedingly grateful for his loyalty and quick thinking.

Santana strolled through the entrance to the now familiar store and glanced over at the registers. She'd got lucky again. Brittany was there, working hard and smiling as politely as ever.

_Damn. Does this girl ever take a break? Or have I just got a sixth sense about when she's going to be at work?_

Santana shook her head to herself with a sly grin and walked over to the soda isle, picking up a single can of Mountain Dew: Code Red before casually approaching the mostly vacant registers.

Brittany caught her eye almost instantly and Santana grinned.

'Hi.' She said softly, handing her can over to the blonde.

'Hey.' Brittany scanned her item and accepted Santana's money with a questioning gaze.

'I finished work early today... and... I was wondering if maybe you wanted to... I don't know... grab a coffee or something?' Santana shrugged nervously, suddenly doubting herself. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... _'So we can... talk?'

Brittany's eyebrows creased slightly before she smiled. 'Okay.' She nodded.

'Great.' Santana beamed, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding. 'Do you have a break or...?'

'I get off in twenty minutes.' Brittany handed Santana her change.

'Cool. Uh... I'll... meet you in the parking lot?'

'Sure.'

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'So... how've you been?' Santana looked down at the styrofoam coffee cup she was holding as she spun it back and forth nervously in her palms. After meeting up in the parking lot, they'd decided to return to that fateful coffee shop, despite its lingering awkward memories, because unlike the Starbucks down the road (which was overpriced and always bustling with irritated caffeine addicts), it was quiet and cosy and offered them the chance to sit at a table peacefully and talk.

'Alright.' Brittany replied, a little too cheerily. Santana could hear the lie but didn't push.

'How's dance school going?'

'Yeah it's okay... How's your job?'

'Not too bad.'

Santana sighed at shallow conversation resting on tense atmosphere, feeling the sudden silence around them settle heavy and thick. Eventually, dark brown eyes lifted to search for bright blue. 'Brittany... I'm not here to attack you or anything. I know that you need time to figure things out... I understand... and I want to give that to you. I just...' Santana chewed absently on her bottom lip, not really sure how much she should reveal. 'I missed hanging out with you... And... I guess I was sorta... uh... worried about you...'

Brittany stared at her curiously and titled her head to the side. 'You were worried about me?'

'Yeah.' Santana grinned sheepishly. 'I wanted to see how you were doing... because I get that I'm not the only one having a rough time right now.' Brittany gave her a small smile of acknowledgement and she felt the tight muscles in her shoulders relax somewhat. 'I don't want to put any pressure on you... I get that I've been acting kinda crazy... overreacting and demanding stuff and saying some things that I had no right to say... But... the way I feel about y-...' Santana coughed the rest of the statement away when she spotted the line of appropriateness and thought it best to backtrack slightly. 'I know I was probably overstepping before... I'm sorry... It's just that... Everything that's happened really threw me. It was so fast and intense and... I got caught up in it...' She shrugged. 'I think this whole situation really sucks... And I realize that it's confusing and overwhelming or whatever... for both of us.'

'It is.' Brittany frowned and glanced back down at her hands resting around her own coffee cup on the table. 'I don't think I've ever felt so torn in my life.'

Santana released a long breath, trying to ignore the dull ache in her chest. 'I can't even imagine.' She whispered. Santana wanted to convey to Brittany that, even though this was ripping her apart inside and she understood that she wasn't the only one hurting and going through something difficult. She needed Brittany to see that she wasn't just feeling sorry for herself anymore and she genuinely wanted to do this right and be as fair as possible to everyone involved. 'Sucky timing huh?' Santana gave a hollow laugh.

'Yeah.' Brittany agreed, giving her a hesitant smile and meeting her eyes softly. 'Thanks Santana.'

'For what?'

'For understanding... I know that a lot of people wouldn't...' Brittany shook her head slightly. 'I'm sorry that I said you didn't care. I know you do.'

Without really thinking, Santana reached across the table and took Brittany's hand in her own. It felt like the most natural thing in the world and when Brittany didn't pull away, she began rubbing her thumb over the blonde's knuckles tenderly. 'You're such an amazing person Brittany... And even if you decide that maybe...' Santana swallowed hard and looked away for a moment to compose herself. 'I just want you to know that... I won't be mad... I won't run away... I want to be your friend no matter what happens... Even if it hurts.'

Brittany blinked hard for a few moments as her gaze focused on their joined hands. 'No... I know how I feel.'

Santana's eyebrows squeezed together in confusion and her heart lurched with a combination of fear and anticipation at Brittany's words. 'What do you mean?'

'Ending things with Mike is going to be hard... really hard... and most of my friends are probably going to hate me... Because he's such a nice guy and everyone just loves him...'

Santana nodded slowly and squeezed Brittany's hand, encouraging her to go on.

'I know that I should have broken up with him the first time I realized that...' Brittany locked eyes with Santana and she gave a sad grimace in place of further explanation. 'Because staying with him when I wasn't sure was worse than just letting him go... But I was scared... I _am _scared...'

'Britt...' Santana murmured, seeing the blonde begin to tear up.

Brittany just shook her head, pressed her eyes shut and gulped down the sob. 'I kept thinking - if I don't have Mike and all of the friends that I made because of him... I'll be alone here. My family is so far away... And I miss them so much sometimes that it kills me.' Brittany sniffled and wipe away a stray tear from her cheek. 'You have to understand... When I started going out with him... he made me feel so... accepted and safe and loved. I feel like I owe him so much.'

Santana felt her body slump in acceptance. Hearing Brittany open up about Mike that way, she felt like she finally understood why the blonde was holding onto their relationship so tightly. Mike wasn't just a boyfriend – he was her friend, her safety, her rock. He was that one important, stable thing she had in her life away from home. And while that may not seem like the right reason to stay with someone, it was certainly understandable and made a lot of sense. Santana reasoned that she might even feel the same way if she were in Brittany's position.

'But I get now that I shouldn't be doing that to him... I shouldn't _use _him that way...' Brittany seemed almost disgusted with herself as she emphasized the word. 'Especially when I know how he feels about me... And I can't feel the same way back...'

'Britt...' Santana smiled softly. 'You obviously still care about him a lot. Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here all tear-y eyed and beating yourself up about it.'

'Yeah...' Brittany let out a small laugh through her tears. 'Do you get why this is so hard now?'

Santana nodded and once again squeezed the hand in her own. 'I do.'

Brittany took a deep breath and released it shakily. 'I've done a lot of thinking... And I realized that I can't avoid it anymore. Not after what happened with... with us... It's really not right... and not fair on him at all.' She met Santana's eyes strongly. 'I just have to suck it up and come clean... and accept whatever punishment I've earned for myself...'

Santana's heart fell for the blonde. She knew Brittany was going to be brave and face up to Mike, she could see the resolve in her shimmering blue eyes. There wasn't even a hint of doubt in her voice or her expression. But now that Santana knew it was going to happen for sure, she was already feeling sympathy for the pain and guilt Brittany was about to be confronted by. She couldn't help but feel responsible for all of it...

'I'm sorry.' Santana breathed, swallowing at the newly formed lump in her throat.

'Don't be.' Brittany shook her head and shifted their hands to lace their fingers together on the table. 'This was going to happen sooner or later... You're... We... _This..._' Brittany hesitantly gestured back and forth between them with her free hand, obviously not sure how to articulate what was going on with the two of them. 'Is not the only reason I'm doing this.'

'Okay.' Santana gave a tentative smile.

The two girls sat in a semi-comfortable silence for a long time, sipping on their coffees, their joined hands never disconnecting for a second. Santana felt that for the first time, she really was Brittany's friend no matter what. She was fully prepared to see this girl sitting in front of her through anything and everything life threw her way. And that fact truly convinced her that this time it was different. No other relationship in her life had ever come close to this. It was easy to be selfish with your feelings, to sulk and brood and wallow in self-pity. But it was something rare to genuinely care about another's pain more than your own.

And Santana felt that in this case, she'd found someone who was worth the effort.

When they parted ways in the early evening, it was with a warm hug and soft smile. Neither girl denied the fact that there was still tension between them, emotional and physical, but they were both willing to put it aside for the time being and allow things to play out.

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The weekend came and went but this time Santana didn't worry when there was no word from Brittany. She knew exactly what the girl was dealing with and she knew that it was more than reasonable that she hadn't contacted her. Brittany needed her patience and understanding now more than ever. So she waited. Again.

At least now her wait contained much less fear and frustration.

She used the time to work on her writing some more, scribbling out poem after poem, story after story. Suddenly, Santana's writer's block seemed to have disappeared and everything flowed out like liquid onto paper (even if when she went back to re-read her musings, they seemed exceptionally bizarre and much more dream-like than usual). She found herself writing about the strangest, most fantastical things and using complex metaphors to highlight her swirling emotions.

Santana wondered when her creative mind had undergone this drastic change. When had she had ever thought of writing about 'unicorns' before? Since when was it her _thing_ to describe such girly, ridiculous creatures in painstaking detail? What did they have to do with anything anyway?

But, despite her confusion, Santana pressed on, surrendering to the flow. She just allowed herself to write about whatever came to mind and then chuckled afterwards at the unpredictable and often amusing imagery that surfaced. Nothing was really connected in her writing – there was no overall theme or storyline that she followed. It was just... words. And amazingly, the release of those disjointed syllables and phrases was allowing her mind to brush away some of the congestion.

It was unbelievably freeing.

Santana embraced the emotion. Because it was so much easier than spending all her time agonizing over Brittany and every possible outcome for every single scenario that might potentially occur.

It's true. She still had no idea what she was going to say when she talked to Brittany again. _Sorry about your break up. That sucks... Wanna go out sometime? _Smooth.

She had no clue if she was supposed to call and see if the blonde was okay after a while... like a concerned friend would? And she was completely unsure how long she should wait once they did start hanging out again to talk to Brittany about her feelings or make some kind of move. She wondered if maybe it wasn't even her place to _make a move_... if she should just let Brittany to come to her...

But that could all wait. There was no rush. They weren't standing on a sinking ship. She decided that she was just going to sit back for now and see how things went. She wouldn't push. She wouldn't overstep again. She certainly wouldn't sulk or overreact. She would just be patient.

After all, the only thing Santana did know for sure is that she would do anything, wait however long, take things however slowly... just to ensure things with Brittany would work out right. They had to.

Because she would never forgive herself if they didn't.

The girl just meant way too much to her now for her to screw this up.

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**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. Sad to say, it's possible that they might take this long (or even a little longer...) from now on though. School is kicking right into gear.**

**Also, "d&m's"= deep and meaningful conversations. I'm not sure if this term is part of international lingo or what so... yeah.**

**As always, thanks for your reviews! Much love = D**

**P.S. Please excuse my bad attempt at poetry in this chapter lol... **


	14. Chapter 14

Santana was lying on her bed on Monday night, re-watching _Poltergeist_ and wondering how anyone ever found it scary to begin with. She figured that the huge improvements made in special effects in recent years had probably desensitized her and now she just couldn't take some of the classics seriously. She had to admit, for its time, the movie was quite innovative and creepy. Not to mention, it was kinda interesting to note that real skeletons were used during the pool scene simply because it was cheaper than making props... and the whole real life back story with so many of the actors dropping dead after filming it was a little unsettling... but despite all that, she just couldn't stop the giggles that emerged during certain scenes.

Santana was mid-laugh when her phone rang, vibrating away on her bedside table. Grabbing the DVD remote, she hit the pause button and then scooped it up, her heart skipping a beat when she saw that Brittany was calling her.

'Hey.' She said quietly, trying to sound as casual as possible in spite of the fact that within her veins, the blood was pumping at an alarming rate.

'Hey.' Brittany's voice sounded gloomy and Santana immediately knew why.

'How are you?' She asked cautiously, not exactly sure what else to say considering the circumstances.

Santana heard Brittany's dejected sigh over the line and her heart fell for her. 'I'm okay, I guess.'

'What happened?' Santana ventured.

'I told him.'

'Mike?' Santana rolled her eyes at herself as the question came out. Who else would Brittany be talking about? _Idiot. _

'Yeah... I uh said that... I wasn't sure about our relationship... and that I'd felt for a while like things weren't really going anywhere.' Brittany explained. 'Then, I um... I told him about... us. I said that it was never my intention to hurt him... and I didn't plan it but... I fell for someone else... and I didn't think it was fair for us to keep dating when I knew I had feelings for another person.'

Santana did her best not to focus on the jump her stomach did when Brittany said she'd _fallen for her _and hummed in acknowledgement. 'Did you say who it was?'

'I wasn't going to... because I thought it might hurt him more but... he wanted to know and he pushed until I told him.' Brittany sighed again. 'He didn't take it well. He looked so hurt.'

'I'm so sorry Britt.' Santana whispered, feeling once again like she deserved much of the blame for this situation.

'I'd never seen him cry before...' Brittany mused solemnly. 'I mean, it wasn't like he got hysterical or anything... just a couple tears but... it was horrible. I felt so bad.'

Santana frowned deeply. 'How did you leave things? Like... is he really angry now or...?'

'No. He's not mad. He's just... really upset. He... he actually said that he had a feeling there was something going on with me... because I was acting kinda... distant. He told me that he didn't ask me about it before because he was afraid of the answer...' Brittany exhaled heavily. 'Honestly... now I wonder if he knew all along. He didn't seem surprised... just sad.'

'Yeah...' Santana wasn't sure what else she could say at that moment. She didn't know what would be crossing the line. So she decided to just let Brittany talk.

'It wasn't as messy as I'd expected. He didn't fight me on it... Just asked some questions about what exactly happened between us and then said that, if I was sure, he accepted my decision.' Santana could almost hear Brittany's defeated shrug through the phone. Knowing that Mike had been so respectful and generous with his acceptance of Brittany's feelings gave Santana a newfound sense of admiration for the guy. He obviously cared very deeply for the blonde and was willing to put her feelings before his own. She tried to disregard the rush of discomfort that came with the strange kinship she suddenly felt for Mike.

There were a few moments of silence as both girls contemplated their situation. Eventually though, Santana's curiosity got the better of her. 'So... does he like hate my guts now?'

'No... Mike's not like that... Besides, I explained that I chased you even when I knew there might be feelings involved.'

'Okay.' Santana breathed. She wondered whether Brittany had already told Mike that she was into girls at some point in their relationship or if the whole thing had come as a shock to him. She figured it didn't really matter in the end. If your girlfriend developed feelings for someone that wasn't you, the gender of that person was the last thing you had to worry about. And Mike seemed like a smart guy, so he probably would have realized that wasn't the reason any of this had happened.

'Anyways, I should probably go now. I just wanted to tell you that... yeah...' Brittany trailed off, obviously still feeling distressed and pretty down about it all.

'Okay... If you ever need to talk B, I'm here.'

'I know. Thanks Santana.'

'I'll uh... I'll talk to you again soon?' Santana tried not to sound too desperate but she felt her tone betraying her.

'Yeah. Soon.' Brittany replied gently. Santana could tell that it was genuine but the girl clearly needed time. Santana mused that even though Brittany had obviously decided it was the right thing to do, for both her and Mike, and wasn't going to back out of her decision, the girl still felt guilty for hurting someone she cared about and was probably quite distraught at the prospect of losing one of her closest friends. It was normal to grieve over a lost relationship, regardless of why it ended or who called it off. Santana understood that Brittany would need to deal with it in her own way and in her own time. 'Bye San.'

As Santana returned the pleasantry and ended the call, she hoped Brittany wasn't too distressed. It didn't feel right that someone who was usually so bright and upbeat had to suffer through such misery and remorse.

But she wasn't going to push. When Brittany was ready, she'd speak to her again. And Santana would be waiting with a compassionate ear and open arms, prepared to do anything in her power to make the girl feel better.

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'Drink?'

On Wednesday after work, Santana had gone home with Kurt. Over the past few days, he'd noticed that she was pretty wrapped up in her thoughts so he invited her over for dinner in an attempt to get her to open up.

'Yes please.' Santana nodded, slipping onto one of the stools lined up along the kitchen counter island. Even though it wasn't the first time she'd been there, Santana never got over how awesome Kurt's apartment was. The other times she'd been inside were quick, often before they headed out somewhere else. But now that she had the chance to look around properly, she couldn't help but marvel at the place. It had two large bedrooms, a beautiful open kitchen and living area, the furniture was sleek and modern, and the dark wooden floorboards looked very expensive. Kurt had decorated in stylish, yet neutral greys, whites and blacks, giving the space a simple elegance and all of the appliances were new and top-of-the-range. And of course, in terms of cleanliness, it was absolutely immaculate. She was sure there wasn't a speck of dust or dirt anywhere in the entire apartment. Kurt was just so damn finicky about that stuff.

'Red or white?' Kurt held up two bottles of chilled wine from his place behind the stainless steel fridge door.

'Whichever one's sweeter. I need something refreshing tonight.' Santana folded her arms and leaned them onto the dark, cool marble of the counter.

'White it is.' Kurt grinned and slid the other bottle back in the fridge before opening a drawer to search for a bottle opener.

'How do you even afford this place? It's huge and everything is just so... nice.' Santana wondered out loud, glancing up at the high ceilings and pristine light fixtures.

'My dad helps a bit. He knows how much I appreciate good taste and since his business has been doing so great lately, he offered to pay half my rent.' Kurt explained casually, pouring out two glasses of wine.

'Does he still own that garage?' Santana asked.

'Yeah. And about five others in the tri-state area. He made the business into a franchise... with a little help from me of course.' Kurt smirked.

'Oh yeah? What do you know about cars Kitty soft-paws?' Santana teased.

'Nothing. I just helped him design the logo and film the commercial.' Kurt answered smugly.

'I bet that was... interesting.' Santana rolled her eyes and giggled.

'Whatever. Success doesn't lie.' Kurt handed her a glass and moved over to another part of the kitchen to take out a steel pot, filling it with water and placing it on the stove. 'Anyways... I'm not sure I like him paying for my rent though. It makes me feel like I'm still a kid... ' Kurt turned back to Santana, giving her a pointed look. 'I've actually been thinking lately... maybe I should just get a roommate... and then he wouldn't have to cover the costs anymore.'

Santana lifted an eyebrow in question. 'Are you trying to ask me something Kurt?'

Kurt shrugged and gave her an impish smile. 'Maybe.'

She grinned and pretended to think for a moment, tapping a slender finger against her chin. 'Hmmm... I don't know if I could live here. I mean, you're not very clean.'

Kurt's mouth dropped open in shock. 'Are you kidding me? This place is spotless! There isn't a day that goes by where I don't-'

'Whoa. Calm down there Prancy. I was just messing with you.' Santana shook her head at him and laughed.

'You scared for me second.' Kurt huffed, holding a hand over his chest dramatically. 'Seriously though... will you think about it? I know you said you wanted to move out of your parent's place at some stage... and I'm not exactly partial to putting up advertisements looking for a new roommate who could turn out to be homophobe or a serial killer... or worse, _uncultured._'

Santana let out a breathy giggle. 'Of course. This place is amazing and I'd be crazy not to consider it.'

'Yay!' Kurt squealed, moving around the counter to give her a quick squeeze.

'Okay okay. Don't get too excited. I still need to figure out all the money stuff first. Not to mention, decide whether or not we'd actually be able to get along as roommates or if we'd end up killing each other over use of the bathroom.' Santana warned jokingly.

Kurt just laughed and went back over to the pot of water which was now bubbling away on the stove. After throwing a large portion of rice into the boiling water, he began to prepare prawns, crab meat and muscles, mixing them into a frying pan with some chopped tomatoes, onions, garlic, white wine and olive oil.

It all looked like a lot of work to Santana and she watched him fuss with the ingredients curiously for a while before speaking up again. 'Damn Kurt. Are you cooking or trying to find a cure for cancer over there?'

Kurt shot her a teasing look over his shoulder as he continued to work. 'You know, you don't have to sulk because you're jealous of my supreme culinary skills. You could always learn to cook yourself.'

'No thanks. Been there. Done that. _Total _disaster.' Santana surrendered, her palms up in defence. 'You should know. You were there.' Santana smirked at Kurt's knowing snicker. 'Besides, the way I see it, I'll just marry a girl who's an awesome chef and then she can make all my food for me.'

Kurt placed a lid on both the rice and the seafood mixture currently simmering away before he turned back to face Santana, arms folded. 'Speaking of girls... Are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Brittany lately? Not that long ago, I couldn't get you shut up about the girl and now... nothing. ' Kurt shrugged in confusion. 'I know something went down after your little coffee date on Friday. So come on. Spill.'

Santana sighed and ran a hand through her hair. 'First of all, it wasn't a date. And second... _how _could you possibly know something _went down_?'

'I just know okay?' Kurt replied taking a few steps over to her and leaning against the counter she was sitting at. 'Call it a... homosexual-drama related sixth sense.'

Santana rolled her eyes at him, half annoyed and half amused. 'Oh really?'

'No, not really!' Kurt groaned in exasperation. 'Just tell me already!' He whined. 'Watching you act all secretive and broody is almost worse than when you're going on and on about it... It's driving me crazy! You know I need my juicy gossip-fix.'

Santana rested her chin in the palm of her hand, uninterested. 'My love life isn't just some soap opera for your viewing pleasure you know.'

'Yes. I know.' Kurt relinquished, squirming impatiently. 'But I also know you _want _to tell me. So hurry up. Out with it.'

Santana shot her friend an amused half-glare, still amazed at how he always managed to read her so well. 'Ugh... Fine.' She sighed. 'Brittany... broke up with Mike.'

Kurt's eyes seemed to bulge out of his head and his jaw fell open in surprise. 'What?'

'Yeah.' Santana stared down at her hands, almost ashamed to reveal the information. She still felt some indirect responsibility for the break up and wondered if Kurt was about to tear into her for it.

'Wow...' Kurt mused. 'So... what's gonna happen now?'

Santana chewed on her bottom lip as she lifted her eyes back up to meet her friend's gaze. 'I have no idea.' She shrugged. 'I mean... I know Brittany has feelings for me... But... That doesn't mean that...' Santana trailed off, shaking her head slightly. 'I don't wanna rush anything. Not when she's just gone through a break up... And she's probably feeling really upset and...'

Kurt hummed quietly in acknowledgement.

'I wanna get this right... and make sure I give it every chance to work...' Santana nodded to herself. 'But I don't really know what to do... or how to act now... I've never been in this kinda situation before... and Brittany is... I've never felt this way about anyone before.'

Kurt smiled gently at her and placed a hand on her shoulder. 'I know.'

Just as Santana lifted her head to return his smile, there was a sharp knock on the door, breaking the calm silence.

Kurt gave Santana an apologetic grimace and moved to answer it.

'Hey Kurt. Uh... Can I come in?' Santana heard Blaine's voice, friendly yet definitely laced with a hint of sadness.

'Sure. What's up?' Kurt titled his head in thought as he stepped aside to let Blaine in. 'We didn't have plans tonight, did we?'

'No... I just wanted to talk to you about-' Blaine stopped short as his eyes landed on Santana. 'Oh...'

'Hey Blaine.' Santana waved, sensing the awkward tingle in the air.

'Hi Santana...' Blaine turned back to Kurt and examined him closely. 'I guess you already know...'

'What do you mean?' Kurt asked, obviously not catching on.

Blaine sighed and took off his jacket, placing it down across the kitchen counter where Santana was sitting. 'About Brittany and Mike?'

'Oh...' Kurt looked off to the side uncomfortably. 'Uh... yeah. I know.' He nodded slowly while he moved back over to the stove to check on his cooking, hoping the informal gesture would help to diffuse the tension.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, deep in thought, before letting out a small, ironic laugh as he glanced between Santana and Kurt. 'You knew the whole time, didn't you? You knew exactly what was going on.'

'I can explain-' Santana began, feeling her heartbeat shift up a notch or two.

'How could you do that?' Blaine snapped. 'You knew that they were dating. And you still-'

'Blaine, stop.' Kurt stepped in. 'It isn't her fault. She didn't chase her.'

Blaine eyed Santana suspiciously but appeared to accept the information. 'Do you have any idea how upset Mike is? I've never seen him so... so broken.' Blaine scoffed. 'He loved her.'

Santana felt her stomach fall at the revelation and a wave of nausea overtook her. The thought that Mike was in love with Brittany somehow made her feel even worse than she did before. 'Blaine...'

Blaine shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. 'This isn't right. They were happy together...'

'You can't know that.' Kurt sighed. 'Only the people in relationships understand what's truly going on inside them.'

'But-'

'Come on. You know this isn't the way.' Kurt approached Blaine and gently reached for his shoulder, sending him a look that somehow managed to be both warning and understanding.

A long moment of silence passed before Blaine's face eventually softened and he let out a heavy breath, relaxing his arms to his sides. 'Well... they'd always seemed happy.'

'I swear... I didn't plan for any of this. It just... happened.' Santana offered timidly, not daring to meet his eyes.

Blaine walked around and sat down beside her, rubbing at the back of his neck in thought. 'Look... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap. But... you have to know... Mike's really cut up about this. And when he told me what Britt said... about you and her... I just...' He sighed.

'It's okay. I get it.' Santana nodded.

'I still shouldn't have blamed you... Mike doesn't.' Blaine shrugged.

'He... he doesn't?' Santana asked with a glimmer of hope in her tone. Even though Brittany had assured her on the phone that Mike wasn't angry with her, Santana wondered if the girl had been twisting the truth slightly just to reassure her. And there was always the unlikely possibility that Mike had lied to Brittany and really did want to beat the living crap out of her.

'No. He knows it wasn't your fault. He's just hurt... and he feels betrayed.'

Santana felt her heart break for Mike. She had been a fool to doubt his intentions. He really was a good guy... great even. It was incredibly mature of him to accept Brittany's explanation of what had happened between them. But it didn't make the situation any less painful for him. She knew exactly how hard it was to be rejected by Brittany – someone so sweet and innocent and beautiful – regardless of the reason. She closed her eyes in resignation. 'I can imagine.'

'But anyways... I don't know what I was thinking. It's still not my place.' Blaine gave her a remorseful smile.

'Hey, if it was my friend, I would have done the same.' Santana offered. 'Actually, I would have done way worse.'

Blaine let out a soft laugh. 'Maybe if Kurt had explained it to me sooner...'

'Blaine... you _know _I couldn't.' Kurt raised his eyebrows as if to say _Come on – Seriously? _'It wasn't my place either and... It's not like you would have taken it well.'

'Yeah I know.' Blaine smirked. 'I guess this whole situation was pretty complicated from the start.'

'Ain't that the truth.' Santana groaned but gave a small grin.

'Well... now that everyone's up to speed. Shall we eat?' Kurt gave them both a soft smile and went back to the stove, flicking off the heat and grabbing some plates out of the cupboard to serve up the food. 'Do you want to stay for dinner Blaine?'

'That depends...' Blaine turned to Santana. 'Are we good?'

'Yeah. We're good.' Santana nodded and returned his smile.

She couldn't blame Blaine for lashing out at her, even if Mike had told him the whole story and he had known all along that she wasn't really the cause for his friend's break-up. Santana knew very well that if it had been someone she cared about deeply, she would have done the exact same thing. And it was always easier to condemn the outsider in these sorts of situations.

She was just finding it so hard to believe that after all of this time, everything was finally out in the open. Would Blaine genuinely approve if she and Brittany began dating now? Or would his allegiance lie mostly with Mike? And if he didn't approve, what would that mean for Kurt? Santana knew Kurt was loyal to her... but she didn't want him to have to choose between their friendship and his budding relationship with Blaine.

Santana had always thought that if Brittany broke up with Mike, things would inevitably become less complicated. But instead, she felt the opposite. All of these new fears and worries were making the situation seem ten times worse. And she was scared that her actions could have a significant impact on not only her life and her relationship with Brittany, but also the lives and relationships of their friends.

Santana sensed that now, it was more important than ever that she got things right. She couldn't afford to make any mistakes. Too many people's feelings were in jeopardy.

And that was certainly an intimidating thought.

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**A/N: Stepping into some unknown territory here. It could get a little weird =P**

**As always, let me know if you're feeling it.**

**Many thanks to my shiny new beta... Beta!Jay =D **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: In case you want to listen – there's another song at the end of this chapter. I know I know. But it's really appropriate I promise. As Lovers Go – by Dashboard Confessional. **

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_Soft blonde hair tickles at the sides of Santana's face as Brittany hovers over her. She can feel herself smile as their lips gently brush and her arms wrap tighter around Brittany's waist._

_Santana sighs contentedly. Brittany still tastes and feels just as amazing as she remembers. After weeks of waiting, of longing, of flickering but intense memories... the blonde is finally in her arms again and she can't help but feel her heart soar at the sensation. It's been so long since she's had anyone this close and the weight of Brittany's body resting against hers feels incredible. She feels safe. She feels home. But she can't help wanting more. _

_She rolls them over so she can place tender kisses against the side of Brittany's neck and burrows her face into the soft skin, inhaling that heavenly scent that seems to have taken up permanent residence in her sub-conscious. Brittany giggles quietly above her and Santana raises her head to meet the most incredible blue eyes she's ever seen. The gaze swallows her whole and before she knows what's happening, their lips are connected again in a heated kiss._

_Santana tries to swallow a low groan as Brittany's thigh shifts between her own. Even though they're both fully clothed, she can feel every movement the blonde makes, no matter how slight. Her skin burns hot and an overwhelming flush runs through her face, down her neck and chest, all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. Santana runs her hand up Brittany's side, dipping underneath her t-shirt as their tongues dance gracefully in her mouth. She smirks against the blonde's lips at the sharp intake of breath from beneath her. _

_The moment is too perfect. Everything is happening too fast and too slow at the same time. There's a strong ache in her chest when Brittany whispers her name... and it's only mirrored by the twinge she feels between her legs when the girl slips a hand along the outside of her still clothed thigh. Her hips inadvertently press down against Brittany, searching for her touch. _

_And just as Brittany lifts her head to wrap her mouth around Santana's earlobe and drops a hand skilfully beneath the waistband of her underwear, the brunette shudders herself awake, feeling the telltale muscle quiver of a premature and less than satisfying release run through her entire core. _

_Ugh. Are you fucking kidding me?_

Santana whimpered against her pillow when she found herself alone and trembling as her hips squirmed against the mattress. It was by far the most intense sex-dream she'd ever had... well, since last night's rendezvous with dream-Brittany anyways. By this point, she was almost positive her sanity couldn't take any more of these beautiful, teasing punishments. And with all the other important stuff that was going on right now, she couldn't help but feel guilty and ashamed that all she can think about is jumping Brittany the second she sees her again.

Even though Santana didn't want to admit it to herself, the kisses and brief moments of physical intimacy she'd shared with Brittany had left a more than manageable imprint on her senses and her desires. When she wasn't stressing about what she was supposed to do or how she was supposed to act around the girl now, she found herself fantasizing constantly about being physically close to Brittany again. After all, Santana had always been a highly sexual creature. And as much as she'd been trying to suppress that side of herself recently, she knew it was just about ready to break free of its cage and begin a full on rampage if she didn't at least indulge her _thoughts _about the blonde soon.

She had been consciously taking a break from her usual strategies for... lessening the urge and it was beginning to drive her crazy. During regular life, it was hard enough for Santana to abstain from all sexual activity for long, even if it was only her and her left hand, but since Brittany had come into the picture, the ache had grown ten times worse.

Somehow though, the presence of the blonde, while sparking her physical and emotional needs more than ever before, had caused her to restrain from acting out on her cravings. She figured it was probably something to do with wanting to feel less perverted and gutter-minded when Brittany was so damn innocent and sweet. It was like she had too much respect for the girl to let her become just another sweaty, depraved fantasy that would enable her to find release. And since Santana could think of nothing else _but_ Brittany, she decided it was safer to just refrain from the activity entirely.

And now, she was a strung out ball of pent up sexual energy, crackling with want and having serious trouble controlling her own wandering mind and hands.

Santana bit into her pillow and shifted uncomfortably, doing her best to force away the tantalizing dream.

It had been around two weeks since Brittany had called to tell her about the break-up with Mike and since then, she'd only spoken to the blonde a couple of times on the phone and through a few short texts. Santana wanted to be absolutely sure not to rush things or push Brittany, so she tried to be patient and allow the girl to contact her in her own time.

Despite still being obviously sad over everything that had happened with Mike, Brittany mostly seemed to be doing okay and maintained that she had made the right decision. She'd explained to Santana that her friends at dance school had mixed reactions to the break-up, with some shunning her completely, others acting neutral and pretending like nothing had happened, and a few even being completely understanding and considerate of her feelings. Brittany admitted that it was hard and the atmosphere in some of her classes with Mike was incredibly tense... but she was positive that he would come around and things would get easier once some time had passed.

Santana felt for the blonde and tried to offer what little support she could considering they were speaking over the phone. She'd never been great with comforting words and in the past, often opted to just pat her friends on the shoulder or give them a reassuring hug when they were really down. But as Santana obviously couldn't do this for Brittany, she was in new territory when it came to encouragement and care.

The one thing that had made Santana exceedingly happy was that Blaine had taken it upon himself in the last few weeks to play model friend to both Brittany and Mike. Since their dinner at Kurt's, he hadn't been taking sides or favouring either one of them. It took a huge load off of her shoulder's to know that Brittany hadn't lost Blaine as a friend through all of this and the girl could count on his support.

Santana was impressed by his attitude and more than pleased at the job he was doing acting as mediator and impartial third-party. Internally, she vowed that when all of this was over, she was going to buy him a drink.

That was, if he was still just as approving and accepting of everything if her and Brittany started dating. Even though he'd proven that he wasn't going to stop being a friend to anyone, Santana still found herself doubting whether or not things would be as simple if her relationship with Brittany was taken up a notch.

She mused that it might be her own fears and insecurities saying this... but it was always better not to make assumptions and take things one step at a time.

For now, Blaine was doing his best and that was all that mattered. It was good for Brittany, it was good for Kurt and it was good for her.

Rolling onto her back, Santana swung her legs over the edge of the bed and brushed off the covers. With a quick glance at her phone to check the time, she closed her eyes again and crossed the room blindly before stepping out into the hallway and heading for the bathroom with a slight yawn. It was only 6am and she didn't need to be up for work for at least another hour... but the thought of even more torturous and teasing dreams was enough to send Santana straight into a lukewarm shower.

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The cool water had helped to ground Santana for a little while... but by the time she arrived at the office later that morning, her mind felt just as unfocused as ever.

'Hey.' She greeted Kurt, leaning her hip against his desk and crossing her arms.

'Well good morning Sunshine.' He grinned. 'How are we on this fine day?'

Santana shrugged. 'Okay.'

Kurt narrowed his eyes as he examined her carefully. 'I know you were never really a morning person but... I'm guessing this mope-y face is because you still haven't seen Brittany... Am I right?'

She shrugged again and sighed. 'Maybe.'

Kurt rolled his eyes at her. 'San... why don't you just ask her to hang out or something? It's been like two weeks...'

'Two weeks isn't very long Kurt. She just went through a breakup remember? It's too soon.' Santana bit her bottom lip as her hands began to fidget with a stapler on her friend's desk. 'Besides... I'm... I'm scared.' She said the word so quietly it might not have even reached Kurt's ears. 'I don't know what we are now. And I have no idea what she expects from me... I mean, am I supposed to pretend that we're _just friends_? Even though we both know it's more than that? Or is it just assumed now that the next time we hang out, it'll be like... a date? What if it's all really awkward?'

Kurt draped a hand over Santana's fiddling ones and gave her a reassuring smile. 'You're over-thinking it...'

'No I'm not.' Santana stared at him with insistence. 'I can't fuck this up Kurt!'

'You won't.' Kurt assured her firmly. 'I know things are complicated but... it's going to work out. I promise.'

'But _when_ will it work out? How much longer am I supposed to wait?' Santana groaned. 'I have no idea what I'm doing...'

Kurt paused for a second to think, his eyes focused on something across the room. 'Listen... why don't we go out for lunch today? Somewhere fancy? It'll take your mind off things.'

Santana sighed but nodded. 'Sure. Why not.' She relented.

Santana knew that Kurt thought she should just go for it. But there was so much to lose and she felt like if anyone should be making a move, it should be Brittany. She was the one who needed time after all. She was the one who'd just gotten out of a relationship. She should be responsible for initiating things.

Right?

There were just so many things to consider, the constant buzzing of thought was slowly becoming too much.

'Meet me back here at 1?'

'Okay.' Santana nodded and smiled at her friend in thanks before moving towards her own desk. She realized Kurt was probably right. She could use a nice, relaxing lunch today, where the only conversation revolved around clothes or movies or something equally as shallow. It would be fun.

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When they arrived at the restaurant, Kurt announced their reservations to the hostess and they followed her towards the outside courtyard area.

'I hope you don't mind... but I invited Blaine to join us.' Kurt grinned back at Santana as they approached their table.

'That's cool.' Santana shrugged. She could have been pissed that Kurt had sprung their new guest on her at the last minute, but she was used to Blaine being around a lot these days. He and Kurt were obviously getting quite close and since the whole Brittany and Mike thing had been smoothed over, she felt pretty comfortable around the guy. Besides, it wasn't like they were out for lunch so they could have a serious chat. They were simply there to have a good time.

They took their seats and glanced over their menus in silence for a few minutes before a waitress came to take their drink orders.

'You were right. This place is very swanky.' Santana said thoughtfully when the waitress left and her eyes returned to the prices on the menu.

'Oh well.' Kurt replied with a tilt of his head and thin smile. 'Sometimes it's nice to splurge.'

'Hmmm.' Santana hummed. She wasn't opposed to letting loose with her money occasionally... but that sort of situation usually involved a particularly irresistible pair of shoes – not an overpriced steak.

After a few more minutes of perusing the specials, Blaine arrived, giving them both a big grin and Kurt a soft peck on the lips before taking his seat. As he took his own menu, he proceeded to blatantly hold Kurt's hand underneath the table whilst the two boys shot each other affectionate stares.

Santana made a face at the sickeningly adorable exchange but kept her mouth shut. She was in no position to tease anyone about being too sappy or acting whipped right now.

The boys chatted casually about work and the latest Hollywood gossip as the three sipped at their waters and continued to look over the menu. Santana had already picked out what she wanted a while ago but since she was trying hard to be a more considerate friend recently, she didn't interrupt their conversation by demanding they order straight away. The waitress came back with Kurt's fruity cocktail and Santana's rum and soda and Blaine took one look at Kurt's drink before he requested one of the same.

'So... Are we ready to order entrees?' The waitress asked politely after jotting down Blaine's drink order.

'Ye-' Santana began but was quickly cut off.

'Not yet. We're still waiting on one more.' Blaine interjected with a smile.

'Okay. I'll be back in a moment with your drink.' The girl nodded and hurried off.

Santana's eyebrows furrowed deeply at the exchange. 'Who else is coming?'

Kurt and Blaine shared a knowing look.

'Don't get angry San... We just wanted to-' Kurt began.

'Hi Blaine! Sorry I'm late! I got stuck in traffic.'

Santana's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat when she heard Brittany's voice behind her. She quickly spun around in her seat to watch the blonde striding over. When their eyes met, Brittany's surprised expression perfectly mirrored Santana's. _Those sneaky little rainbow hugging bastards! They planned this!_

'Hey Britt.' Blaine rose from his seat and walked over to where the girl had stopped dead in her tracks, her gaze fixed on Santana. He pulled her in for a brief hug and took her hand, leading her to the spare chair at their table. 'How's it going?'

'Uh... fine.' Brittany nodded as she sat down. 'Hey Santana.'

'H-hey.' Santana's cheeks prickled hot as she stuttered out her greeting, her heart fluttering away. Brittany was even more beautiful than she'd remembered. Santana figured the girl had probably just come from dance class since her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt and black leggings with running shoes. But she never ceased to look absolutely stunning. And the unexpected treat to her eyes was sending Santana into a nervous haze. 'I... uh... I didn't know you were going to be joining us.' Santana shot a pointed look at Kurt who simply shrugged and gave a faux innocent grin in return.

'Neither did I.' The corners of Brittany's lips twitched as she directed a similar stare at Blaine, before curling into a gentle smile as her eyes once again found Santana. 'But I'm glad you're here.'

Santana blushed even harder at the comment and forced her gaze back down to the menu in her hands. Even though it hadn't been that long since they'd last seen each other, everything suddenly felt so scary and new. The situation was different, their feelings were out in the open and there wasn't really anything holding them back anymore. They were suddenly allowed to flirt and make comments like that. Nobody would be hurt by it. There was nowhere to hide... and Santana had to stop herself from hyperventilating at the nerve-wracking situation that she had been thrust into. 'Yeah... me too.' She replied quietly.

The boys exchanged a smirk as Brittany and Santana both looked down at their menus and even though Santana didn't see it, she could feel their smug expressions in the air. She was totally going to punch Kurt in the arm later. Hard.

It wasn't that she minded seeing Brittany. In fact, the surprise was the most welcome one she could possibly imagine. And even though Santana was still a little unsure if it was the right time or if either of them were ready yet to take the next step, the thing that really bothered her was that she hadn't had the opportunity to think about what she was going to say. The shock of seeing Brittany again had left her fumbling and speechless and with nothing planned out, she felt like she was walking a tightrope without a safety net.

She just prayed she wouldn't panic, say the wrong thing and then come crashing to the ground.

As she finished that ominous thought, the waitress returned, finally taking their meal orders and collecting their menus, leaving Santana with nothing to detract from her staring over at Brittany.

They exchanged a few tentative pleasantries about work and weather but upon realizing just how awkward both girls were acting, Blaine and Kurt mercifully cut in with more shameless gayboy talk about the latest fashion.

Santana took a large gulp of her rum and soda and tried to even out her breathing. She hoped that their shared discomfort had something to do with the two sets of expectant eyes watching their every move. She wondered if things would be different if they were alone and free to say what they felt without fear of being scrutinized by their scheming friends.

Or maybe things would be even more awkward if it was just the two of them?

Santana shook her head to clear the overly presumptuous thoughts. She was going to make it through this lunch without fucking anything up. She swore it to herself. She just had to take a deep breath and go with the flow.

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By the time they'd finished eating and Santana and Kurt had to head back to work, Santana realized that she and Brittany had barely spoken to each other directly throughout the entire meal. There were a few words here and there, mostly joining in with whatever Kurt and Blaine were talking about, and of course, there were the constant glances and shy smiles that had her heart jumping around wildly in her chest, but that was pretty much it.

It hadn't exactly gone badly. But she couldn't say it was a complete success either. Santana had absolutely no idea what their sparse interaction meant and as she finished hugging Blaine and moved towards Brittany, her heart once again took off with nervous anticipation.

Brittany's bright blue eyes watched her carefully as she took a step closer and lifted her arms hesitantly. Santana felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room when the blonde willingly met her embrace and gave her a tight squeeze. The haunting smell of Brittany's shampoo and body lotion made her eyes flutter shut and sent a slight shiver through her stomach. She did her best not to reminisce about her dream from earlier that morning.

'I'll uh... I'll talk to you soon?' Santana croaked out, pulling away with a bashful grin.

Brittany nodded and chewed on her bottom lip cutely, waving at Santana and Kurt as they left the restaurant.

Once they were outside, Santana delivered Kurt the punch she had promised him earlier.

'Ow! What was that for?' He whined, rubbing at his bicep with a frown.

'That was not cool! I was completely unprepared for that Kurt!' Santana growled.

He just shrugged. 'I told you, you were over-thinking it. You needed a little shove and... I was happy to oblige.' Kurt smirked and folded his arms over his chest. 'Besides, it went well. Don't you think?'

'I don't know. I was too busy planning where I'm going to bury you to notice.' Santana snapped stubbornly.

Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Stop being such a drama queen. You and Brittany acted liked the most smitten kittens ever today. It was so cute, it was disgusting... I almost threw up.' He poked his tongue out jokingly. 'Honey, it's painfully obvious how much you both like each other... It's not like you can hide it.' Kurt emphasized. 'So I say, quit holding back and just go with it.'

Santana quirked an eyebrow at him. 'Why are you being so pushy now? Weren't you the one telling me off and making sure I was _extra careful_ not to step out of line back when Brittany was dating Mike?'

'Mhmmm.' Kurt nodded. 'But now she's not dating him. And she's ready to... move on.'

'How do you know she's ready?' Santana challenged.

Kurt shrugged again and averted his eyes mischievously.

'Wait... what do you know?' Santana spun towards him and grabbed him roughly by the shoulders.

Kurt smirked and began tapping his chin in mock thought. 'I can't quite remember...' He teased.

'Kurt...' Santana warned.

'Let's just say... Blaine gave me a few helpful hints.'

Santana gaped at him. 'What?'

Kurt just laughed and shoved her away, skipping off down the sidewalk. 'Come Sanny. We're going to be late for work!' He called over his shoulder in a sing-song voice.

Santana gritted her teeth together and grudgingly followed him. She hated the fact that Kurt knew more about what Brittany was thinking than she did. She hated the fact that Blaine and Kurt were obviously using what they had been told in confidence to sneak around playing matchmaker. But more than anything, she hated how damn curious she was to find out what they knew.

And Kurt was never going to tell her. Santana knew that much. Blaine probably swore him to secrecy about whatever Brittany had said.

The next few hours at work were going to be torture.

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Santana was right. Kurt gave away nothing that afternoon about what he knew. And even though it was incredibly frustrating, she had to admire his restraint. Her constant texting and emails from across the office (which grew increasingly abusive as the day wore on) must have been pretty damn distracting and annoying. And when they parted ways at 5pm, Kurt gave her an innocent smile like nothing had happened.

As Santana made the short drive home, she mused that there were still a few good things to come out of the otherwise irritating situation. At least she didn't have to worry about Blaine not approving of her and Brittany dating anymore. It was clear from their little set up today - and the fact that he and Kurt had obviously been discussing their potential relationship in secret lately - that Blaine was definitely not against it.

It once again proved that he really was making an effort to be good a friend to Brittany. In fact, Blaine's enthusiastic support surprised Santana a little. Was it still considered impartial friendship if he supported them getting together? Or was he taking it too far? Would Mike hate him for encouraging Brittany to move on?

It was certainly a fine line. But Santana felt that his acceptance took at least some of the weight off her shoulders.

And another plus was that Kurt definitely hadn't made it seem like what he knew about Brittany's feelings was bad. If anything, it sounded quite positive.

Brittany was ready.

Brittany wanted to move on.

Santana couldn't help the smile forming on her lips as she strode into her bedroom and got changed out of her work clothes. _Maybe I should just go for it. Blaine wouldn't have lied to Kurt. They're heaps close and _totally_ into each other now. Besides, what reason would he have to make that shit up?_

_Maybe it really _is_ time to make a move. _

Santana flicked on her laptop and set her music to shuffle, lounging back onto her mattress with her hands behind her head as she stared up at the dark ceiling.

_She said "I've gotta be honest,  
>You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."<br>And I said "you must be mistaken,  
>I'm not fooling... this feeling is real."<br>She said "you gotta be crazy,  
>What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"<br>"You've got wits, you've got looks,  
>You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."<em>

Santana laughed quietly to herself at the song that came on. She hadn't heard it in years, not since she was a young teen and used to sit around getting herself all worked up on Valentine's Day, wondering if she'd ever fall in love.

_I'll be true, I'll be useful...  
>I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.<br>And I'll belong to you...  
>If you'll just let me through.<br>This is easy as lovers go,  
>So don't complicate it by hesitating.<br>And this is wonderful as loving goes,  
>This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?<em>

Santana's eyebrows scrunched together as the song continued. She'd always thought the lyrics were sweet, but she'd never felt them or understood them the way that she did now. It was almost as if the words had been written for this exact moment, for her ears only, to make her see what she couldn't before.

_And I said "I've gotta be honest  
>I've been waiting for you all my life."<br>For so long I thought I was asylum bound,  
>But just seeing you makes me think twice.<br>And being with you here makes me sane,  
>I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.<br>You've got wits... you've got looks,  
>You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"<em>

That was all the convincing she needed. Santana reached over and snatched her phone from the bedside table, scrolling through her contacts to Brittany's number and preparing to hit call.

But it buzzed before she even had the chance. It was a message.

From Brittany.

'_Hey. Lunch was really fun today =) Are you busy Saturday night? We should hang out again =P'_

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**A/N: And just because I like to tease - be aware... the next chapter is going to be veeeeery interesting (at least I hope so anyways! lol). Seriously, I can't wait to start it myself. I've been looking forward to writing it for weeks!**

**Again, thanks to my excellent Beta!Jay who catches all my mistakes! **

**Finally, I can't believe this story has over 200 reviews now! Thank you all so much for reading and alerting and favorite-ing and reviewing! It makes me so happy to know that people are interested in reading what I write and inspires me to keep going even when I have horrible bouts of writer's block = D So THANKS! **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Sorry for the delay... I wanted this chapter to be perfect and... I don't think you'll mind the wait too much after you read it. Also I'm upping the rating from now on so... just be aware. Adult-themes are headed your way ;) **

**For those who like visuals, here is Santana's dress: http:/ static. becomegorgeous. com / gallery /pictures /naya-rivera-fashion-style-becomegorgeous7. jpg**

**And here is Brittany's: http:/ cdn. blogs. sheknows. com /celebrityphotos .sheknows. com /2011 /01 /heather-morris. jpg  
><strong>

**(Links are obviously with the spaces taken out)**

**Finally, see if you can spot the subtle Quinn joke/reference lol For those of you who watch SIMGM, it should be obvious. If you don't, to quote Naya: A) Kill yourself, B) As if! Lol **

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'So... What are you gonna have?' Santana asked, peering over her menu at Brittany with a shy smile.

Brittany hadn't told her where they were going that night, just asked her to be ready by 7:30 and wait outside. Santana wasn't sure she liked not knowing exactly what they were going to do that evening but she complied nonetheless. Dressing in a simple blue, figure hugging dress and grey heels, she straightened her hair and made her way downstairs. She ignored the slightly suspicious look she got from her mother and threw her a quick goodbye as she strode out the door and proceeded to wait on her front porch.

Right on time, a taxi pulled up and Brittany poked her head out the window to give her a big smile. Santana couldn't help the flutter she felt as she climbed into the backseat beside the beautiful blonde. Brittany had on a short, black, one-shoulder dress that showed off her incredible, toned body and the loose curls of her golden side-pony tickled her pale shoulder. She looked gorgeous and surprisingly glamorous. Not that Santana didn't appreciate her quirky outfit when they went to the movies that time... or her casual, sporty, dancer attire. But it was clear that Brittany had obviously made an effort to get dressed up tonight and that made Santana nervous in the best way possible. The girl was trying to impress her. She wanted her attention. Almost as if they were going on a real date...

She dragged her eyes away from the perfect expanse of skin that was Brittany's neck and shoulders and bit her lip. 'Wow.' She breathed out. 'You look amazing.'

'Ditto.' Brittany giggled with a slight blush.

The cab driver took off again without being prompted and while they made the short drive to their destination, Santana and Brittany continued to exchange partially staggered, shy conversation. Santana hoped that subtle tension wouldn't last the whole night and that they would eventually be able to settle into the comfort of being in each other's presence once again. Although, the shift in atmosphere did seem to hint that something had changed for the better. The anticipation felt thick and uncontrolled and Santana wondered if Brittany shared her nervous excitement.

When they eventually pulled up at a quiet, candle-lit romantic restaurant, Santana was convinced. It was definitely a date. And Brittany's proud smile at her realization took her breath away.

'Maybe the chicken.' Brittany chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully as they sat across from each other in a cozy booth at the back of the restaurant.

'Hmmm.' Santana nodded and took a small sip from her wine. 'That does look good... But I think I'm going for the salad.'

Brittany smirked at her. 'Really? Salad? That's it?'

'Yeah...' Santana laughed. 'I'm not that hungry. And it sounds nice.' She shrugged.

'Uh-huh.' Brittany rolled her eyes. 'Well you better make sure you get enough energy from those leafy greens. We've still got the whole night ahead of us.'

'Is that so?' Santana quirked an eyebrow at the girl as she nodded cutely.

'Mhmm... I've got big plans.'

Santana did her best to contain the huge grin spreading across her lips. No girl had ever really taken her out like this and honestly, she couldn't wait to find out what Brittany had in store for them.

Once they'd put their orders in with the waiter, Brittany leaned back in her seat and smiled gently.

'Sorry if I was sorta quiet at lunch the other day. I really was happy to see you. I just had no idea that you were going to be there.' Brittany toyed with the fork in front of her absently.

'That's okay. I was pretty surprised to see you too...' Santana twisted her lips into an apologetic grin and lowered her head to watch Brittany through her eyelashes. 'Those sneaky boys really pulled a fast one on us hey?'

'It wasn't that fast. We were there for almost an hour.' Brittany deadpanned.

Santana wasn't sure if the girl was joking or genuinely confused. Either way, she found it completely endearing. 'I just meant they tricked us. You know, into meeting up with each other without knowing we were going to?' She explained with a kind smile.

'Oh. Yeah. I had no idea Blaine was so... enthusiastic about it.'

'Yeah me neither. I was actually kinda worried that he wouldn't want us to... uh... see each other.' Santana stammered, not wanting to get ahead of herself. 'I mean, he _is _Mike's friend and... yeah. It must be weird for him.'

'At first I wasn't sure if he'd even want to talk to me anymore... Then, he rang me and said that he was there if I ever needed to talk and...' Brittany shrugged. 'It was really good. Blaine didn't judge me and he was actually really supportive when I told him how I felt about things. He... said he knew there was something going on that day we all met at the coffee shop. You know, when we were talking in the bathroom...' She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth shyly as Santana nodded her acknowledgement. 'And he just said... I should follow my heart... And that he would tell Mike the exact same thing if the situation was reversed... because we both need to move on.'

'Is that what you're doing now? Following your heart?' Santana asked quietly, feeling her cheeks burn up at the intimate question. As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized that it probably didn't fit her plan of _taking things slowly _but... she just couldn't help it.

Brittany blushed and fiddled with her cutlery again before locking eyes with Santana sincerely. 'Yes.'

Santana felt her chest pulse at the revelation and bright smile spread across her face.

'I... I wasn't sure how to ask you... Because I've never really you know, _asked anyone out _before... and I didn't want to mess it up... But Blaine said that if I was sure, I should just go for it... So I did.' Brittany beamed.

'I'm really happy you did.' Santana giggled, suddenly feeling like she was 14 years old again and someone had just said _I like you_ for the very first time.

'Me too.' Brittany grinned.

Santana shook her head and laughed. 'I'm definitely going to have to buy that guy a beer.'

Brittany just continued to smile that incredible, heart-stopping smile and leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on edge of the table. 'I wouldn't give him too much credit. I still planned everything.' She wiggled her eyebrows. 'Or maybe you'd rather be on a date with the wonderful Blaine?'

Santana was just about to make a smartass comment about how boys are boring and lame, when she felt the soft skin on the back of Brittany's foot very deliberately graze her calf and she almost jumped out of her seat. Her heart did a little skip and she felt an immediate tingle spread across her skin, all the way up to form a warm pink glow on the tips of her ears.

'Hmm?' Brittany tilted her head in question and raised her foot higher on Santana's leg.

'N-no... I want to be with you.' Santana breathed, her irises growing darker at Brittany's boldness.

'That's what I thought.' Brittany purred. What happened to the quirky, sweet Brittany from a few moments ago? Who was this unbelievably sexy woman currently teasing her underneath the table with smouldering blue eyes and a wicked smirk?

Santana didn't have too much time to think on the temporary shift in the blonde though as the waiter chose that moment to return with their meals and Brittany slyly removed her foot as if nothing had happened.

The rest of their dinner flowed along smoothly. Santana listened with great interest as Brittany told her about some of the new projects she was working on at dance school and she smiled reassuringly when the blonde expressed how she was glad that almost everyone was at least being polite with her now that some time had passed since the break up. Santana reached out and gently held her hand across the table as Brittany talked about how much she was missing her family... especially her little sister. And she laughed loudly as the girl regaled her with stories about the mischievous antics of the two cats she'd had back home.

By the time they finished eating and were onto their second bottle of wine, the waiter came back and offered them a dessert menu. Santana watched on fondly as Brittany bounced excitedly in her seat and ordered the chocolate soufflé, feeling her heart melt at the girl's childlike enthusiasm. She ordered the much less decadent lemon sorbet and while they waited for the boy to deliver their dessert, Brittany asked Santana endless questions about where she went to college and how she managed to put up with all the boring readings and assignments.

Brittany immediately stopped talking though once her food was placed in front of her, eyes lighting up eagerly before digging into the chocolate-y goodness.

'Mmmmm...' The blonde hummed in approval as she pulled another spoonful between her lips.

The sound made Santana shiver slightly and despite willing her mind not to go there, she couldn't help but be reminded of the similar noises she'd been privy to whilst kissing and biting at the skin of Brittany's neck. _Shut up! This is not the right time to be thinking like that_, she cursed internally.

However, Brittany only made things worse a few minutes later when her tongue darted out to collect a drop of chocolate sauce from her bottom lip. While she managed to clean off the bulk of it, a tiny amount remained on the corner of her mouth.

'You... uh... you still have some...' Santana gestured vaguely towards her own mouth.

Brittany cocked her head to the side as she lifted a finger to wipe the chocolate away but ended up missing completely. 'Gone?'

Santana shook her head and swallowed hard. She knew what she should do in this situation - what was appropriate. She should either continue to guide the girl with clumsy gestures and descriptions until Brittany finally managed to wipe off the smudge by herself... or, more daringly, reach across the table to dab the offending chocolate away with her napkin.

But instead, she threw the rulebook out the window and let her repressed urges take over. Without thinking about it, she took a deep breath and gave Brittany a timid smile before rising from her seat and scooting into the opposite side of the booth next to the blonde.

'Here.' Placing a soft hand on the girl's cheek, Santana pulled Brittany's face towards hers and slowly moved in to lick at the chocolate on the corner of her mouth.

Santana heard Brittany's sharp breath at the contact and would have smirked if she wasn't so nervous. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the blonde's eyes fell closed and she automatically leaned in, turning her head to the side to connect their lips.

'Are we all finished here ladies?' The extremely brief kiss was rudely interrupted when the over-zealous young waiter came back a final time to collect their dessert dishes.

Santana shot him an icy glare. 'We are now.' She growled, picking up Brittany's mostly empty plate and shoving it hard into his stomach. _Is this fucking kid blind? If you see a couple kissing, do you really think to yourself 'Hey, now would be a good time to go clear their dishes?' _Santana set her jaw bitterly as his eyes widened in fright and he mumbled something like an apology to her before scurrying away. _Yeah. That's right. Run away. There's no way I'm tipping you now, you little cockblock. _

Santana didn't stop glaring until the boy disappeared into the kitchen and the sound of Brittany's quiet giggling reached her ears. She turned back to the blonde, her face softening. 'What?'

'Nothing.' Brittany sucked her lips in, attempting to stifle her laughter. 'You're just... really cute when you're angry...'

Santana raised an eyebrow at her disbelievingly. 'Cute? I've been called a lot of things when I go into rage-mode but _cute_ was never one of them.'

Brittany grinned and lifted a hand to touch Santana's cheek before pinching it lightly. 'Well I think it's super adorable... and hot.' She giggled again. 'And that kid was so scared, I seriously thought he was gonna wet his pants.'

Santana smirked at this proudly. 'That'll teach him for interrupting.'

'Mhmm... How dare he get in the way of our sweet lady kisses?'

Santana's lips curled into an amused smile. 'Sweet lady kisses?'

'Yeah...' Brittany grinned and reached under the table to lace their fingers together. 'It's got a nice ring to it. Don't you think?'

Santana beamed and nodded her agreement. 'Yeah.'

There was a slight pause as both girls just smiled at each other affectionately.

'So... ready for the next stop on our big night o' fun?' Brittany eventually asked.

'Ready and willing.'

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Even though Santana didn't like it one bit, Brittany insisted that she pay for dinner because that's what you do on a _'real date'_ and she wanted tonight to be special. The explanation (and some adorable pouting) was enough to win the brunette over eventually and she found herself blushing at the sweet gesture.

They left the restaurant hand in hand and once they were out on the sidewalk, Brittany hailed another cab to take them to their next destination. Santana tried not to speculate on where they were going as Brittany leaned over and whispered the address to the driver. She knew she would probably enjoy whatever the girl had planned simply because she was with her... but she couldn't help feeling some of her nerves return when the blonde glanced over at her with a mischievous smirk on her lips.

When they finally stopped, Santana frowned. It was nothing more than a dark doorway, wedged tight between two other buildings, and framed by a cursive silver neon sign. '_Salt_?' She'd never even heard of the place before.

Brittany just grinned as she paid the driver and grabbed Santana's hand, dragging her out of the car and onto the street. The blonde greeted the large bouncer at the door with a friendly nod and he smiled in return. They obviously knew each other. He unhooked the generic red rope closing off the door and beckoned them inside.

They immediately ran into some stairs and as they climbed upwards, Santana briefly wondered what kind of place Brittany would frequent enough to be recognized by the door man. That was, until she heard the music.

'I hope you like Salsa dancing.' Brittany said loud enough to be heard over the throbbing Latin rhythm, smiling excitedly once they reached the top of the stairs.

Santana's mouth fell open and her eyes widened as she turned to stare at the blonde beside her. 'Are you serious?'

Brittany nodded eagerly and pulled her through the small crowd on the dance floor towards the bar.

'Two tequila shots please!' She announced to the bartender and watched as he grinned and began to prepare their drinks.

Santana took the opportunity to look around the small, dark club. There wasn't much to it really, a stage with a band, a few scattered tables set up around the edges of the dance floor... It wasn't anything special. In fact, apart from the band, dark lighting and coloured strobes, it almost reminded her of some of the awful extended family parties her parents had made her go to when she was younger. Except then, she would always sit in the corner and play cards with one of her cousins and just ignore whatever ridiculous dancing the adults were doing.

Now, watching all the couples moving smoothly and skilfully around the dance floor, she wished she'd at least tried to learn before. Did Brittany expect her to know all the steps? Santana mused that she had mentioned at least once before that her family was originally from Puerto Rico.

Swallowing hard, Santana turned back Brittany and gave her a hesitant smile as the girl handed her a shot. 'B... I can't dance.'

Brittany threw back her own drink and grimaced at the taste before shaking it off. 'What do you mean?'

'I told you... The _Sexy Snix_ is pretty much the extent of my moves. Other than that... I'm useless.' Santana offered ruefully.

Brittany scrunched up her lips in thought. 'Listen... why don't you gulp down that shot and then we'll go out onto the dance floor and... I can show you how it's done.' She grinned.

Santana furrowed her eyebrows hesitantly.

'Aw! Don't look so scared San! It's easy.' Brittany poked her in the shoulder with a giggle. 'I'll be right there with you. I promise.'

'Okay.' Santana relented and gulped down her tequila. With a still burning throat, Brittany dragged her out into the crowd. Upon noticing Santana's darting eyes, she leaned in to whisper in her ear.

'Relax. No-one's watching us.' Brittany smiled softly and reached down to grasp her hands before lifting one onto her shoulder and holding the other out to the side of their bodies. 'Just follow me.'

Santana bit her bottom lip and tried to control the sudden increase in her heart rate as Brittany's other hand found her hip and squeezed it reassuringly.

She paid close attention as over the next few songs, Brittany counted out the beats and showed her some basic footwork. An hour and another two tequila shots later, the blonde dancer somehow had them spinning and moving freely to the music as they drifted around the floor. Santana wasn't sure if Brittany was just that good of a teacher that she'd managed to get her into the groove so quickly... or if the alcohol was making her feel as if she was dancing much better than she actually was... but either way, she was having a great time.

Every impish smile Brittany sent her way made her whole body blush and each time the girl pulled her close, she felt her heart skip a few dozen beats. The air was starting to get hot. Really hot.

'Are you okay?' Brittany shouted over the music.

'Yeah. I'm good.' Santana nodded vigorously, allowing her body to be manipulated completely by the gorgeous blonde dancer in front of her. Now that she didn't have to focus on her steps as much, Santana found her attention drifting elsewhere.

As Brittany tugged her forwards, her eyes were drawn to the girl's neck and she watched on mesmerized as a tiny bead of sweat trickled down her skin and fell into her cleavage. Her mouth went completely dry at the sight. She suddenly wanted to be that droplet of sweat, buried between Brittany's breasts, underneath her dress, trailing along her overheated body...

Santana blinked hard a few times and directed her eyes back to sparkling blue ones.

_Fuck. She knows I was staring... _

Santana's pulse began to race when a half smile pulled at the corner of Brittany's mouth and she drew her in closer, wrapping both her arms around the brunette's waist. She could feel their bodies pressed tightly together, soft curves melting into each other, and the sensation made her head spin. Her lips parted as her lungs demanded more oxygen. Santana had never wanted anyone or anything more in her life. The telling throb between her legs and the way her back arched desperately, trying to push further into Brittany's body told her all she needed to know.

Santana lifted both her hands to circle Brittany's neck as the girl's fingertips toyed at the small of her back. Her stomach jumped when the blonde suddenly leaned over to place a feather light kiss just below her ear and her knees started to feel weak when that kiss was followed by another and another, making their way slowly down to her collarbone. Brittany brushed a few strands of hair away from her skin and bit down gently.

'Brittany...' Santana shuddered. She knew she couldn't control herself much longer. Her skin was itching to be touched and her whole body ached to get closer, push harder, grab tighter. She was about half a second away from pulling the girl down into a frantic, furious kiss right in the middle of the crowded dance floor. And as hot as that was, she could think of much better, more private places for them to be right now.

'Do you wanna get out of here?' She felt more than heard as Brittany breathed hotly against her ear.

Santana nodded and allowed herself to be lead out of the club and into another cab outside. The blonde relayed her own address to the driver but Santana could barely hear it. Her ears were still buzzing from the loud music in the club and her eyes felt unfocused as she stared out the window.

Neither of them said a word throughout the whole drive. The tension in the air was thick and Santana found herself lost in fragmented, blurry thoughts that just wouldn't link up. When the car stopped, she couldn't even remember how they'd gotten there. And suddenly a thousand frantic questions overtook her consciousness. Should she kiss Brittany goodbye in the cab? Should she walk her to her door? Should she go inside?

And if she did... what was going to happen? After all those weeks of forcing down her instincts and natural urges, she wasn't sure she was in the right state of mind to control her own body anymore. And she certainly didn't want to rush things or push Brittany into something she wasn't ready for.

The thoughts were enough to make Santana space out again and when Brittany eventually called out to her, she noticed the girl was already standing outside the cab on the sidewalk.

'Are you coming in?' She asked cautiously.

Santana sucked in a deep breath and looked into her eyes. 'You want me to come in?'

'Yeah.' Brittany smiled shyly, reaching out a hand for her to take.

After another few moments of indecision, Santana took it and stepped out of the car with shaky legs.

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As Brittany spun around to close the door behind them and switch on the light in her apartment, Santana took a step forward to observe her surroundings. It wasn't a very big space, with a small kitchen area off to the right and a comfy but fairly worn-looking sofa sitting a bit further inside facing the tiny TV. She spotted a closed door to her left, which she assumed led to Brittany's bedroom. It was nothing like Kurt's apartment, none of the furniture seemed to match with the beige carpet or pale blue walls, there were no expensive appliances and it wasn't nearly as pristine (the sink held more than a few dishes and there were several items of clothing thrown haphazardly over the back of the sofa - which was also strewn with a number of brightly coloured pillows and a couple of magazines). But despite the eccentric decorating and minor untidiness, Santana realized that it immediately felt more like home than Kurt's place (or her own house) ever had.

It was totally Brittany. And it was perfect.

'Sorry about the mess.' Brittany dragged her bottom lip between her teeth with a slight blush. 'I guess I forgot to clean up before I left.'

Santana smirked. 'I love it.'

'You love mess?'

'No... I just mean...' Santana laughed at herself and turned to face Brittany more fully. 'It's nice... Sometimes when people's houses are too neat, I can get kinda uncomfortable... Like I'm afraid to touch anything in case I mess it up.' She smiled gently.

'I get that.' Brittany grinned back at her before glancing off towards the kitchen. 'Soo... did you want something to drink?'

Santana brushed an invisible speck from her dress and shook her head. Despite their drinking earlier in the evening, she felt completely sober... and with such a clear mind, all she could think about was the fact that they were alone, in Brittany's apartment, after going on the hottest, sweetest date ever... and she was insanely turned on... so much so that her fingers were prickling with the need to touch Brittany again. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold off from jumping the girl and it made her stomach lurch.

As Santana looked back up to catch flashing blue eyes watching her closely, she was reminded of the overpowering heat between them while they were dancing in the club and the feel of Brittany's lips ghosting over her neck. She shivered involuntarily.

'Are you cold?' Brittany titled her head to the side curiously.

Again, Santana shook her head and let a hesitant smile grace her lips.

'Are you sure?' Brittany took a step closer and lifted her hands to run up and down Santana's arms.

Reflexively, Santana's eyes closed at the touch and she released a shaky breath.

'Because I could warm you up...' Brittany leaned in close and whispered against her lips, drawing forth another shudder from the brunette.

'Brittany...' Santana began, opening her eyes again. She wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to say to the girl... her tone was somewhere between a desperate whine and a warning. She could sense that her control was wavering and with the blonde standing so close and acting so damn flirty, she was right on the edge of breaking.

Brittany didn't respond though. She simply slid her hands up Santana's arms and rested her fingers on the back of her neck, tracing light patterns on the sensitive skin she found there and pausing for a single, teasing moment before abruptly closing the short distance between their bodies and capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

All of the build up, all of the tension suddenly exploded in Santana's chest and sent tidal waves of emotional release through her entire body, causing her to grasp the blonde hips and drag her body in closer with a sharp breath. A muffled whimper escaped from Brittany's mouth as she tugged the girl's bottom lip between her teeth in response and she felt her eyes roll back into her head at the sound.

Pushing things further, Brittany's fingers moved up to grasp more firmly at the back of Santana's head while her tongue traced over soft, pouty lips, seeking entrance. Santana instantly complied, melting into the embrace as their tongues met; sliding together urgently, and sending sparks across her skin.

Santana swallowed a groan at the amazing sensation and fought down the overwhelming need to get closer to Brittany. The world seemed to be slipping away faster than she could find her grip and she was starting to worry that soon, all that would be left was her desire for the girl in front of her. No thoughts, no hesitations, no cares for the consequences of her actions... just urges. Needs.

And that was seriously dangerous territory in her mind.

'Britt...' Santana whispered between increasingly hurried kisses. She suddenly became aware that her hands had left Brittany's hips and were now roaming uncontrolled over her ass and lower back. 'Wait...'

'What?' Brittany asked, only half-paying attention. Her mouth left Santana's and went down to her neck, biting and sucking on the over-heated skin fervently.

'I... ugh...' Santana breathed out hard as the blonde's hot mouth latched on to a particularly responsive area just above her collarbone and sucked hard. It made her whole body tingle and the steady throb between her legs intensify tenfold. 'Fuck...' Santana reached up to hold Brittany's head in her hands and reconnected their lips in a quick kiss, needing to have the blonde's attention. Through uneven breaths, she nuzzled at Brittany's nose with her eyes still closed. 'We... maybe we should... wait?'

'Why?' Brittany questioned, her own breathing sounding just as fast and unsteady. 'I want you so much Santana... I don't wanna wait anymore.'

Santana couldn't deny the pang of arousal she felt hearing Brittany say that she wanted her. She bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head slightly to try and regain some form of clarity. She didn't want to rush into anything Brittany wasn't ready for. She didn't wanna screw this up.

Santana had obviously taken too long to respond though, as her thoughts were cut off by her own surprised sigh when Brittany's lips found her earlobe and nipped at the soft flesh. The hands in her hair tangled into dark locks further, tugging her forward roughly. Her head was spinning. She knew she was ready. She'd been ready for months. Brittany was everything she ever wanted and more.

But was this really the right time?

Brittany groaned into her neck when Santana's hands dropped back down, groping at the firm curve of the blonde's ass and pressing their hips together. She couldn't think anymore. Everything was becoming far too hazy and her pent up sexual frustration was starting to win. Right time or not, she just didn't have the self-control to stop this moment. Brittany wanted her... so Brittany would have her.

As Brittany pulled at the fabric of her dress, inching it away from her shoulder to access more of her skin, Santana's hands moved to release the zipper on the blonde's dress. The creaking sound of it being dragged open pierced the relative silence and Brittany stilled, lifting up to meet her eyes. The blonde's cheeks were flushed and her lips parted slightly. Santana could felt her heartbeat thrumming against her chest and she was sure Brittany felt it too. Seconds ticked by like hours and when that strange magnetic pull forced their lips to rejoin in another furious kiss, Santana found herself being dragged forward and one of the girl's hands had left her body to fumble with the doorhandle behind her.

Her heart leapt almost painfully at the realization. Brittany was taking her into the bedroom. There was no going back now.

They stepped out of their shoes and fell back onto the bed with a quiet thump before shuffling up towards the pillows together, Brittany shimmying out of her dress and kicking it to the floor as they exchanged hot, desperate kisses along the way. Her hands were quick to find the bottom of Santana's dress and without more than a moment's hesitation, began tugging the clingy fabric up, past her hips and eventually over her head.

Both girls whimpered as their burning skin met for the first time, legs entwining and fingers searching with abandon across toned stomachs and sides. Their heartbeats seemed to pound in unison, reaching out to each other like an echo where their chests met. Santana felt a strong twinge in her core as Brittany's thigh managed to slip between her own and pressed into her. In response, she lifted a hand where it was grasping at the blonde's hip and drew it up slowly, tickling along her ribs before covering her bra-clad breast.

Brittany arched her back up into the touch and detached their lips to throw her head back into the pillow. 'God...'

Santana's heart surged at the barely audible whisper. She almost couldn't believe that it was her causing this reaction in Brittany, it was her making the girl squirm and claw at her back. She couldn't stop herself as she ground her hips down into the body beneath her, dragging her own thigh over Brittany's center.

Her head fell to the crook of Brittany's neck when her elbows faltered under her own weight. She took advantage of the position to return the blonde's earlier kisses and bites and received a series of soft whining noises and breathy sighs in return. Even through the thin layer of her underwear, Santana could feel the enticing heat emanating from Brittany's core on her thigh, and just the thought of what lay beneath made her hips twitch in anticipation.

Brittany's hand reached around to unhook her bra and Santana, half-dazed, complied willingly as the item fell from her body. The feel of the blonde's hands palming at her bare breasts was like fire, searing her skin and setting her whole body ablaze. She whimpered and arched and sighed and was caught completely off guard when the girl skilfully flipped them over.

Before Santana even knew what was happening, Brittany had straddled her hips and was leaning back to remove her own bra. Staring up at the beautiful blonde above her, her fingers trailed lightly over the girl's firm stomach muscles and across the tops of her thighs. Brittany shivered in response and through the partial darkness; Santana could have sworn she saw a smirk play across the girl's lips.

Her suspicions were confirmed as her own fingers began to toy unconsciously at the waistband of Brittany's underwear and that smirk transformed into a smug grin. The blonde swiftly manoeuvred her body to the side and kicked off the offending item with surprising grace.

It was only then that Brittany showed the smallest hint of shyness, chewing on her bottom lip for a moment before reaching over to snap Santana's underwear playfully. 'You too.' She whispered with a cheeky smile.

Santana felt a bashful grin creep up onto her own lips as Brittany helped her out of her underwear. She just couldn't understand how someone so adorable could also be so sexy and confident at the same time. It was insane.

When they were both completely naked, Brittany pushed Santana back to the bed and shifted so that she was on top again.

Santana was left breathless as Brittany took control. The girl's body rocked back and forth at an agonizingly slow pace, rubbing their bare breasts together, while her hips pressed forward and ground down into her firmly. Santana had never experienced anything so hot before and was more than a little surprised that Brittany, the girl she'd thought to be so innocent and sweet and pure, was suddenly taking her so boldly and completely. She had all the power.

Santana could do nothing but dissolve into a quivering mess, her muscles shaking and twitching as every cell in her body responded to Brittany's thrusts. When the blonde eventually dropped a hand between their bodies to pinch lightly at Santana's nipple, she let out a low, unrestrained groan and dug her fingernails into Brittany's ass. She could feel the girl's wetness coating her thigh as they moved together and was sure that her own body's reactions were giving away just as much.

'Fuck Britt...' She panted, the heat enveloping and firing every nerve in her body.

Brittany hummed and lowered her body to take Santana's nipple into her mouth. The warm heat covering her oversensitive bud made Santana squeak and her hips jutted up instinctively. She barely even noticed the fingers dancing across her stomach until they moved low enough to send a sharp quiver through her center.

She glanced down briefly but Brittany had her eyes closed, tongue swirling and mouth sucking at Santana's left breast. The fingers kept moving lower and lower and when Brittany moved back up to capture Santana's lips in another passionate kiss, they finally dropped into her heat and brushed lightly against her clit.

Santana whimpered sharply into Brittany's mouth and moved her own hand instinctively between the blonde's legs, needing to feel the girl above her as much as she needed to be felt. Brittany let out her own muffled moan when Santana's fingers connected with her slick core and they began to circle each other's clits in unison as their bodies arched and twisted into each other. Santana couldn't remember ever feeling anything as soft and hot in her entire life. It was like heaven.

And when Brittany slipped a finger inside of Santana, her heart lurched and she mimicked the action automatically. Even though her brain was begging her to take a moment to revel in the feeling of being inside of Brittany, and of having the girl so close to her, her body demanded her to go faster, harder, push closer towards release.

They began a frantic, almost messy rhythm, fingers thrusting and hips grinding as their muffled moans and whimpers mixed in the air. Brittany's lips were right next to her ear and Santana didn't miss a single one of her wonderful sounds. Each tiny gasp and sharp breath was guiding her movements and pushing her own body closer to the edge.

After some initial shakiness, they managed to find a steady pace and their breathing fell in sync, each adding a second finger when the need for more became apparent. They were pressed tightly together and the friction of Brittany's hand against her clit was making it more and more difficult for Santana to hold on. She was already so tense, she could feel her insides constricting and her body teetering right on the edge.

Focusing hard on Brittany's sounds and movements, she tried to gauge whether the blonde was also close. The way the girl's hips were jerking and her muscles were clenching around her fingers, she knew it wouldn't be long... so she increased her pace, made tighter, more concentrated circles on Brittany's clit with her own thumb and bit down on the girl's pale shoulder.

The reaction was almost instant. Brittany tensed above her and held her breath. Time seemed to stop as Santana worked double time and when she felt Brittany begin to pulse around her fingers and she heard her groan into her ear, she felt her own orgasm come crashing down on her. Wave after wave flowed through her body as the tight coil released inside of her, the exquisite pulsing sensation extending right down to the tips of her toes. Fireworks shot off behind her eyes and her chest constricted as they fell over the edge close together, gasping and writhing and shaking.

When Brittany's body finally collapsed on top of her, Santana could hear her heartbeat in her ears. A series of tiny aftershocks made her legs twitch and she felt the blonde grinning against her cheek before peppering kisses over her jaw and at the corner of her mouth.

A few long minutes of silence passed as they waited for their breathing to return to normal and when Santana shivered against the cool air hitting her slightly damp, sticky skin, Brittany sat up a bit to look down at her.

'Covers?' She whispered, smiling and dropping a kiss onto her nose and then another on her lips.

Santana nodded and gave the girl a feeble grin. Every muscle in her body felt drained of energy and she was sure that she fit the description '_weak as a kitten'_ perfectly in that moment.

They both carefully disconnected from each other's bodies before shuffling around so that they could climb beneath the sheets. Once they were under, Brittany quickly curled up into Santana's side, her head resting on her shoulder and an arm and a leg wrapped across her body. The brunette sighed contentedly and began lovingly stroking her hair.

Santana had a million thoughts that demanded her attention, a million concerns for everything they'd just done... But she didn't speak. She was exhausted. She'd just had the most intense orgasm of her entire life, with Brittany, the girl she had been waiting for, pining over for months... the girl she was now sure she was in love with... And nothing could change that.

So she closed her heavy eyes and allowed the blonde's quiet breathing and the steady rhythm of her heart, lull her to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sincere apologies for the lengthy delay in updates. Assignments kinda took over my life for a while there. But I promise I'm going to try and get the next chapter along much quicker! **

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><p>When Santana woke up the next morning, it was to the tickle of warm breath on the back of her neck and the shimmer of the first rays of sunlight creeping across her face. Her eyelids fluttered, unwilling to open fully as she was tugged from peaceful, dreamless slumber. It wasn't till a few minutes later, when the body behind her shifted slightly, that she finally returned to the world of consciousness.<p>

Turning her head carefully, slowly, Santana peeked over her shoulder to see Brittany dozing behind her, one arm wrapped protectively around the brunette's stomach while the other was stretched out underneath her neck. A shy smile pulled at Santana's lips as memories of the previous night flooded her thoughts and she tentatively turned in the girl's arms, feeling their bare skin rubbing together.

She wondered if she should feel more vulnerable, lying naked in Brittany's bed, their bodies tangled together intimately. She knew she should worry more about what their impulsive, passionate encounter had meant. But all she could focus on was how beautiful and serene Brittany looked while she slept... Her lips parted slightly, her chest rising and falling as she breathed, her golden hair messy and splayed over her face and the pillow... She looked almost angelic in the early morning light.

Santana couldn't help but reach out and run her fingertips ever so gently over the girl's faintly freckled cheek and down her neck. A light blush crept onto her face as she noticed a small hickey on Brittany's pulse point, evidence that what had happened last night was very real indeed. She grinned shyly to herself, forcing back the brief surge of pride and hopeful ownership, before allowing her fingers to continue their journey over Brittany's firm, pale stomach, all the way down to where the sheet obscured her view further, draped across their hips. Brittany's eyebrows furrowed and her nose scrunched up cutely as she shivered in her sleep from the touch.

'Butterflies are eating all the marshmallows again.' Brittany murmured, still deeply within the realms of slumber.

Santana's chest shook as she forced down a giggle. _She talks in her sleep. Like she wasn't adorable enough before..._

Drawing her palm along the perfect curve of Brittany's hip, Santana leaned in and whispered quietly into the blonde's ear. 'What was that B?'

'I told them not to let her play in the stream after lunchtime. Her hooves will be all muddy...' Brittany mumbled again, her forehead creasing in concentration as she slept.

Again, Santana had to control her laughter. 'Wake up Britt... Come back to me.' She pressed a soft kiss to Brittany's cheek and waited.

'Mmmmghh... Lord Tubbington in the library with a candlestick.'

Santana couldn't hold it back anymore. Quiet chuckles fell from her lips as she brushed a few strands of hair from Brittany's face and kissed her more firmly on the mouth.

Finally, Brittany's eyes began to open and a smile instantly graced her lips when she saw Santana grinning freely. 'Mmm... Morning.'

'Hey.' Santana replied, still laughing slightly. 'Did you sleep well?' Her fingers continued to toy with the tips of blonde hair as she spoke.

'Mhmm.' Brittany nodded and tightened her grip around Santana's waist, pulling their bodies closer together so should could bury her face into a tanned shoulder. 'Comfy.'

Santana's cheeks began to hurt as she smiled even wider, dropping her hand down to run over the impossibly soft skin of Brittany's shoulder as their bodies tangled and pressed up against each other. Normally, she wasn't very comfortable cuddling with people while she was naked. In the past, whenever she'd slept with someone, she'd instantly felt the need to put clothes on because of the sickening churn of exposure that settled in the pit of her stomach. With Brittany though, it was the exact opposite. She felt safe and content. She felt like being naked in her arms was the most natural and soothing feeling in the entire world.

'Mmm... You smell good.' Brittany muttered, her lips ghosting over the skin at the crook of Santana's neck.

'Thanks.' Santana giggled. She returned the compliment by lightly dragging her hand up and down Brittany's spine, drawing a tiny shudder from the blonde before she pulled her head back to let their eyes meet.

Flawless blue invaded Santana's every thought and her breath caught at the sight. It felt as though Brittany was looking straight into her soul, breaking through every barrier, crashing past every wall. It was incredibly intimidating... and yet somehow reassuring at the same time. 'You're so beautiful.' She whispered, the words tumbling from her lips before she could even think about them. Her cheeks began heating up and she leaned forward to connect their lips in a tender kiss.

Brittany smiled against her mouth and returned the kiss with a sigh, sucking softly on Santana's bottom lip for a long moment before they parted again. 'I'm sorry if I got a little... _carried away_ last night...' Now it was the blonde's turn to blush. 'I... I didn't mean to be so... forceful.' She chewed on her bottom lip shyly as she glanced up at the brunette through long, pale eyelashes.

Santana cupped Brittany's cheek in her hand affectionately and shook her head. 'Last night was... amazing.'

Brittany grinned brightly and pecked at her cheek. 'Wonderful.'

'Hot...' Santana drawled, lowering her hand to the blonde's hip once again and pulling her closer. Suddenly, their nakedness was driven to the forefront of her mind and morphed from something that was relaxing and soft to a slow burn, lighting up and sparking every inch of her to life. She bowed her head to nip at Brittany's exposed neck, soothing over the faded bruise she'd left there, before trailing kisses down over her chest. The girl whimpered in response.

'So hot...' Brittany replied, grabbing Santana's face in their hands to rejoin their lips in a passionate kiss.

Trailing her tongue over the blonde's lips, Santana felt her heart jump when Brittany opened her mouth wider to deepen the kiss. Hands began wandering, trailing over stomachs and covering breasts... and just as Santana was about to move on top of the girl beside her to connect their bodies more fully, a loud ringing pierced their perfect little bubble.

Santana stilled and withdrew, looking over at Brittany with a hint of confusion in her eyes.

The blonde groaned and slammed her hand against the mattress. 'Sorry.' She mumbled, placing a quick kiss on Santana's lips before slipping out from under her and climbing out of bed. She strolled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, snatching the phone up from its perch on the wall.

Santana's body deflated in disappointment at the interruption. She already felt the loss of Brittany all over her skin and watching the blonde standing there talking into the receiver, naked and oh so tempting, was frustrating to say the least. Even if her sexual frustration had been given a nice shot of relief last night, getting worked up again only to be cut short by an intrusive early morning phone call was enough to make her want to scream.

Again, the thought crossed her mind that she should be worried about what this all meant... where they stood... how Brittany felt... but she couldn't find it within herself to care as the blonde turned slightly and she caught sight of her perfectly toned ass, teasing and firm in the faint light of the kitchen.

When Brittany finally hung up from the call and slid back under the covers, Santana was ready to pounce.

'It was work.' The blonde sighed dejectedly. 'One of the girls called in sick and they couldn't find anyone else to cover.'

Santana tried not to show her immense disappointment at the news. 'Oh... You have to go then?'

'I'm sorry.' Brittany frowned, scooting over to wrap the Latina up in her arms once again before kissing her nose. 'I wanted to make you breakfast in bed and everything...'

Santana smiled sadly. 'It's okay.'

Brittany buried her face in her neck and grumbled. 'I don't want you to leave.' She sounded like a child who'd just been told they couldn't have any ice cream for the next month.

'Me either.' Santana sighed, placing a gentle kiss against the top of her head. Even with Brittany acting so cute and clingy, she felt the dread creeping into her chest. They weren't going to have the chance to talk about what happened last night. She was going to leave and... Well, then what?

While last night had been amazing and incredibly hot... it wouldn't exactly be considered love making. It was rushed and frantic and not nearly as tender and careful as she had expected their first time to be. And without knowing if they were both on the same page about where their relationship stood, Santana was beginning to feel nervous. Even though the girl's actions suggested anything but, she needed to hear from Brittany's mouth this wasn't just a one-time thing. The insecurities of her past demanded that reassurance.

'Ugh.' Brittany groaned, finally extracting herself from Santana's body. 'Okay... I'm up. I'm up.'

They dressed in silence and when Brittany walked Santana to the door, she wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned in for a soft kiss.

'Are you gonna be okay getting home? I would totally give you a ride but they said it's really busy there and they need me like ASAP.' Brittany offered thoughtfully.

'Yeah. I'll be fine.'

Brittany studied her for a second before accepting the reply with a warm smile. 'Okay. I'll call you later.'

'You better.' Santana quipped, hoping the slight desperation she felt didn't filter into her voice.

Brittany just giggled and nodded, pressing another quick kiss to her lips before releasing her from her grasp.

The moment the door closed behind her though, Santana's heart sank. The girl that she'd just left behind held her heart in the palm of her hands. She'd never felt so terrified and vulnerable before. And even if there had been no signs from Brittany that things were going any less than perfect, she was on the verge of tears.

She was overwhelmed by all of the emotion. She could hardly contain it.

And if she couldn't stay to make sure of things with Brittany right now, she at least needed to talk to someone who would understand.

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'Well hello there Casanova. How'd the big date go?' Kurt announced brightly from the other end of the phone line.

'Hey... Can you uh... can you let me in? I'm in front of your building.' Santana kicked at tiny pebble with her bare foot.

Upon leaving Brittany's, she'd decided to walk the short distance to Kurt's apartment. After all, it was on her way home and she had felt more inclined to take the long way on foot (even if that meant literally _on foot _since there was no chance in hell she was walking the whole way in her unforgiving heels) as opposed to catching a bus or a cab. That way she had more of a chance to digest her swirling thoughts.

'Sure.' He said carefully. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah I'm fine. Just... open the door.'

'Okay. One sec.'

Santana hung up and let out a heavy breath as she waited. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain away the fact that she was wearing last night's wrinkled clothes... or her obvious _sex hair_... She looked the epitome of the _walk of shame _and Kurt was going to figure everything out within about two seconds of being in her presence. Not that she had really planned on hiding what happened between her and Brittany last night from him. She just knew he wasn't going to be impressed. She could almost hear his lecturing tone that would reprimand her for _'rushing into things' _already.

Santana wasn't ashamed though. Yes, things had moved very fast over the last few hours. And she was terrified and emotionally consumed by it all... but was there really anything to worry about? Brittany wasn't the kind of girl that would just blow her off now that they'd slept together... right?

'Well now, you didn't have to get all dressed up on my account.' Kurt laughed as he let her into the building.

Santana offered Kurt a weak smile and quickly brushed past him into the building.

'Hang on...' He eyed her suspiciously.

_Here it comes..._

'That outfit isn't for me is it?' Kurt prodded as he followed her up the staircase towards his apartment. 'It isn't even for _today...'_

'Uh... no?' Santana winced.

'Santana...' Kurt questioned warily. 'Where did you spend the night?'

'Out?' She blushed and attempted to hide behind her hair as they entered his apartment and sat down at the kitchen counter.

Kurt groaned and crossed his arms over his chest. 'You slept with her didn't you?'

Santana hesitated for a long moment before replying. 'Maybe?'

Kurt instantly rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. 'What happened to taking things slowly? I thought you wanted to _get it right_ this time?'

'I do!' Santana insisted, finally making eye contact with her friend. 'It just sort of... happened.'

'Sex does not just _happen_! You're a consenting adult. You knew what you were doing.'

'I just... I couldn't help it.' She sighed. 'I mean... _we _couldn't help it. Brittany took me on this really romantic date, and we had dinner and there was dancing and... it was really hot and then... she asked me back to her apartment and...' She shrugged. 'I don't know. Things got... out of hand.'

'It was only your first date Santana.' Kurt shook his head in frustration. 'You realize that this could have a _huge_ effect on what comes next don't you?'

'Yeah. I know.' Santana replied solemnly, biting on her lower lip thoughtfully. 'I didn't exactly plan for things to go this way... not at all.'

There was a long pause in conversation as Kurt gave a few more disappointed sighs and deep breaths.

'How was it this morning? Were things awkward?'

'Not really.' Santana said slowly. 'She was actually heaps cuddly... and sweet. She said she wanted to make me breakfast in bed. But she got called into work to cover someone's shift.'

Kurt gave a small grin at that. 'When are you going to see her again?'

Santana shrugged. 'I'm not sure. She said she'd call.'

'Hmm...' Kurt leant across the counter to watch her closely. 'I can't say that it was the best decision to rush into the physical stuff so early but... if you're happy...?' He trailed off, leaving the question hanging in the air.

Santana nodded. 'I am happy. Really happy.' She glanced away momentarily and her brow creased. 'But... that's what scares me. I don't know what we are now. She had to rush out and we didn't get a chance to talk about where things are headed or... anything really.'

Kurt bobbed his head in agreement. 'You need to figure that out. You have to be open with each other about what you want. Otherwise someone could end up getting hurt.'

Santana snorted. 'Yeah. Me.'

Kurt laughed airily. 'Not just you.' He reached over the counter and took her hand. 'You know as well as I do - sex complicates things. And if you're not as ready to communicate verbally as you are physically, it could go badly in a lot of different ways.'

Santana sighed and shot him a feeble smile. 'Why do you think I came here to see you straight away? I started freaking out as soon as I left her place. I don't think I could handle it if things didn't work out now Kurt.' She looked into his eyes sincerely. 'To know what it's like to have her, even just for one night, and then have that taken away? I just... I can't go through that. Sometimes when she looks at me... I feel like I'm the only thing in the world that matters. I don't wanna lose that.'

'I know honey.' Kurt smiled softly. 'You won't... It's gonna be okay.'

Santana let out a deep breath. 'I just don't wanna get ahead of myself you know? I don't wanna let myself feel that emotional high if I have to come crashing back down to earth.' Santana laughed ironically at herself. 'I can't believe I fell so hard for someone again... After I promised myself that I never would.'

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. 'No... If I recall correctly, you said you were going to wait for the right one... the one that was worth it...'

Santana stared at him quizzically. 'But-'

'How can you know for sure that girl is Brittany... right?' Kurt grinned. 'I don't know much about women sweetie, but I've never seen _anyone_ look at each other the way you two do... Rushing into things or not, if that ain't meant to be, I don't know what is.'

'You really think so?'

'I do.' Kurt nodded. 'You love her.'

Santana opened her mouth to protest but Kurt shook his head.

'Please San. Don't even bother lying. I know you do.' He smirked knowingly.

Santana rolled her eyes at him, trying to force down the dark blush rising in her cheeks. 'Okay... yeah I do.'

'Mhmm. That's what I thought.'

'Do you... do you think she loves me too?'

Kurt took a moment to consider his response. 'You won't know for sure until you ask her.'

Santana's heart jumped at the suggestion. She knew Kurt had no possible way of knowing what Brittany really felt for her. And even though she wasn't going to start declaring her true feelings this early in the relationship for fear of scaring the girl off, she hoped that Brittany was at least on her way to reciprocating her love in some form or another. Considering how Brittany had held her when they woke up just a few hours before and the sweet glances she shot her way, Santana was sure that there was definitely _something_ going on beneath the surface. But she didn't know how deep it all went.

'How was it anyways?' Kurt snapped her from her thoughts with a mischievous grin.

'How was what?' Santana asked blankly.

'You know...?' His grin turned to a wide, cheeky smile and he nudged her playfully in the shoulder.

Santana couldn't help but laugh. 'It was _incredible_.'

'Oooh.' Kurt wiggled his eyebrows at her. 'That good hey?'

'Oh yeah.' Santana winked.

'Well that's a plus.' He giggled.

'Most definitely.'

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After Kurt had helped to calm her nerves, Santana finally made her way home, took a soothing shower and changed into some comfy clothes. Luckily, her parents were out and she was allowed the opportunity to spend the better part of her day watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and replaying the previous night over and over in her head. In a way, it was nice to take some time to think about everything that had happened between the two of them and let it fully sink in. Although, the visuals of their _activities _still made her blush and her stomach twist nervously... and the building apprehension that came with not knowing exactly where they stood meant that she had to stop herself several times from picking up the phone to call Brittany when she knew the girl was probably still at work.

But Santana realized that, in the long run, maybe she was better off having the day to herself... And by nightfall, she concluded that she had dwelled on her feelings long enough and it was time to make a move.

She found Brittany's name in her contacts and hit the call button.

It was only when the girl answered that she remembered Brittany had promised to call _her _and jumping the gun like this might be seen as a little overzealous.

'Hey Santana. I was just about to call you.' Brittany answered brightly.

'Hey.' She tried to sound nonchalant despite feeling embarrassed at her eagerness. 'Yeah sorry. I was just uh... bored. Wanted to see how you were doing.'

She heard Brittany giggle on the other end. 'I'm good. How was your day?'

'Eh.' Santana shrugged and then rolled her eyes at herself when she realized Brittany couldn't see her. 'It was okay. Just hung out and stuff... How was work?'

'Sucky.' Brittany complained cutely. 'I wish I didn't have to leave in such a hurry this morning... I really wanted to spend the day with you.'

Santana couldn't stop the grin from ensnaring her lips. 'Really? You weren't sick of me?'

'No silly! Of course not. I could never get sick of you.'

They shared a flirtatious laugh which quickly faded into semi-awkward silence.

Santana cleared her throat. 'Listen Britt... uh... can we... can we talk about what happened last night?'

'What's wrong?' She heard Brittany's worry over the phone and, not wanting the girl to get the wrong idea, moved quickly to amend the tone of conversation.

'Nothing... I just... What comes next? I mean, I know last night was a... a date... and then after... we uh...' Santana trailed off, nervously coughing again before she continued. 'Are we... I mean... are you... my... _girlfriend_ now?'

Santana felt her heart thudding away impatiently in her chest as she finished the question. She was laying it all on the line here and if Brittany turned her down now, she wasn't sure what she would do with herself.

'Do you... _want _me to be your girlfriend?' Brittany asked - her voice quiet and a little curious.

Santana swallowed hard. 'More than anything.'

She could have sworn that the bed dropped out from underneath her when she heard Brittany's shaky breath carry over the line.

After what felt like an eternity, the girl finally spoke up and there was no mistaking the smile in her voice. 'Well then... I guess we're girlfriends.'

'Yeah...' Santana replied, dazed and barely able to stop the elation for splitting her face in two. 'I guess we are.'

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**And so, this officially begins a whole new section of the story. Hope you liked it! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Remember when I said I would update again sooner? Yeah. That didn't exactly work out. Sorry =(**

**Between constant assignments and finding out that it is 99.9% likely Brittany isn't graduating, I fell into a giant slump. Please forgive me and enjoy this installment of fluff. My beta informs me it's quite corny lol (Thanks again for the work Beta!Jay =P much love). Expect some much larger, quite possibly game-changing events next chapter.**

**Thanks to everyone who is still reading =) Your reviews are my lifeblood.  
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><p>After hearing the word<em> girlfriend<em> come out of Brittany's mouth, Santana began to feel a lot calmer about everything. The niggling fear and anxiety about opening up to someone and letting them into her heart was of course still present... But it wasn't nearly as daunting now. She no longer felt like she couldn't breathe or think freely without having some kind of panic attack. She even allowed herself to give in to the desperate urge to see Brittany again so soon after their first date. Even if some part of her warned that she needed to remain conscious of taking things slow.

In the midst of their texting on Wednesday, (something which had remained fairly constant yet extremely light and friendly since the weekend), Santana threw in an offhanded comment about maybe hanging out again sometime soon. Brittany seemed thrilled by the idea and instantly jumped on it, asking if Santana was free later that night and suggesting they have a video game night and play the Wii she had at her apartment. Santana immediately felt nervous excitement pooling inside of her at the thought.

While video games weren't really Santana's strong suit, a night with Brittany was not something she could ever turn down. Besides, she was interested to see the sort of things that the blonde enjoyed doing in her spare time. She just hoped that she wouldn't embarrass herself if they played one of those _sports games_ that she'd seen advertised so often on TV_... _or basically anything that involved swinging her arms around like an insane person.

She had replied that _yes, that sounded like a great idea_ and now, after an impatient and jittery afternoon at work, she found herself standing out the front of Brittany's apartment building, her heartbeat already picking up its pace as she pressed the buzzer. She'd gone home to shower and change of course, but that wasn't all she'd done. On her way over to Brittany's she stopped at the store and spent a good half an hour standing in front of the flower stall, trying to figure out which bunch to buy for her new _girlfriend._ The word still sounded foreign in her mind. It had been so long since she'd associated it with anyone. And pairing it with the image of Brittany was almost too good to be true.

But she wanted to be sweet. She wanted to impress Brittany now that she finally had the chance to show her just how much she wanted to make her happy. She wanted to give her everything she had to offer.

After some hesitation though, it eventually occurred to Santana that maybe it was too early for that sort of thing. Way too early. Flowers said _serious. _No, they screamed _corny and cliché._ And Santana Lopez was never cheesy or over-the-top. Well, not intentionally at least.

They hadn't even seen each other since the morning after their first official date. Santana had no idea if things were going to continue to be easy and comfortable now. Or if she needed to take a step back and let things progress at a much more leisurely pace, just in case Brittany had begun to feel overwhelmed by their growing closeness. Santana promised herself she was going to be smart. Considerate. Collected. She was going to think before she acted.

Absolutely no fuck-ups allowed.

Because it was Brittany. The metaphorical girl of her dreams. The funny, sweet, beautiful, quirky, adorable - (insert every other synonym here that describes her as the perfect woman) Brittany. That shining light that had taught her cold, dark heart to love again. To love properly. To love for real.

And if this was her shot, there was no way in hell that she was going to screw it up.

So, following that line of thought, Santana opted out of the flower-buying for now. It could wait. Instead, she picked up a bottle of wine and a packet of microwave popcorn. It was still enough of a gesture to let Brittany know that she didn't plan to come over empty handed... but not something so obvious that it might possibly make the girl feel uncomfortable, thinking that things were getting serious too quickly.

'Yellow?'

'Hey B.'

'San! I knew it was you. Let me buzz you in!' Brittany chirped over the speaker and a few seconds later, Santana heard the expected hum of the buzzer, allowing her to open the door and go inside.

She took a few deep, steadying breaths as she made her way to Brittany's apartment and when she finally arrived at the door, she smoothed out her shirt a little before knocking. Again wanting to keep it relatively simple, she'd decided to fall back on her good friends, skinny jeans and low-cut t-shirt.

She jumped a little when Brittany swung the door open abruptly, a huge smile on her face. 'Hey you!'

'Hey.' Santana giggled as she stepped forward. She almost went to go in for a hug but caught herself at the last minute and shyly handed Brittany her greeting gifts instead.

'What's this?' The blonde stepped aside, allowing Santana to move further into her apartment, and gazed at the objects in her own hands thoughtfully.

'Just in case we get hungry... Or thirsty.' Santana threw over her shoulder, digging her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

'San...' Brittany looked back up at her and grinned softly. 'You didn't have to bring anything.'

'It's nothing.' Santana shrugged, watching as Brittany managed to gracefully shut the front door with her foot and slide the wine and popcorn onto the kitchen counter.

'Are you ready for our ultra-awesome-super-mega-fun video game night?' Brittany announced, skipping towards the sofa and grabbing Santana's hand along the way. She sat them both down and beamed.

'Ready as I'll ever be.' Santana grinned. 'I gotta warn you though. I don't know if I'll be any good.'

Brittany rolled her eyes at her and laughed. 'Don't worry. I'll teach you.'

Santana bit her bottom lip and looked away for a second. She was almost positive that what she wanted to say next was going to come out awkward... and it was probably for the best if she just let it go, taking everything in her stride.

But that wasn't how she worked.

The words and thoughts had been nagging at her for days and she knew she had to say something soon or her brain would explode from over-thinking.

'Uh... About Saturday night... I... uh... I just wanted to let you know...' Santana turned her face towards Brittany, looking at her sincerely. 'I don't usually do that.'

The blonde frowned at her slightly and titled her head to the side. 'Go out for dinner?'

Santana felt a tiny smile tug at her lips, ever amazed by the girl's innocence. 'I mean the... the _after_ dinner part...'

'Dancing?' Brittany asked curiously.

'No.' Santana shook her head, a light blush forming on her cheeks. 'After that... When we came back here?' She raised her eyebrows and hoped Brittany would get the hint. She wasn't sure when she'd gotten so bashful talking about sex. And yet, there it was. She just prayed that the blonde didn't make her spell it out word for word.

'Ohhh.' Brittany finally relented knowingly and then paused for a brief moment before her face morphed into a timid grin. 'Yeah... me neither.'

'It's not that it wasn't awesome or anything... Because it totally was.' Santana suddenly felt the need to explain. 'And I couldn't have imagined a better first date... Like ever.' She scratched at the back of her neck tentatively. 'I just... Well... It all happened kinda fast.'

Brittany hummed her agreement and nodded thoughtfully. 'Sorry about that.'

Santana's eyebrows creased. 'Why are you sorry?'

Brittany shrugged. 'I don't know. Because I wasn't exactly acting shy or anything?... And I really don't want you to think I'm some sort of sex-crazy slutbomb.'

'I don't.' Santana laughed.

'Good.' Brittany beamed. 'Because... I'm not that 'sleeps-with-people-after-one-date' girl... I... I never would have done it if it was... you know... anyone else.'

Santana's blush increased tenfold. 'Same.'

'And... even if it was quick... I wouldn't change it... I'm... I'm glad it happened.'

Santana released a relieved sigh. 'Me too.'

There was a long moment where they both just stared at each other, grinning like fools, the air growing warmer and thicker as time went on. Until eventually, Brittany giggled and slapped her hands onto the sofa on either side of her legs.

'So... how's about we get our game on?' She bounced up from her seat and moved over to the TV.

'Sure.' Santana breathed out around a smile.

So maybe they didn't discuss how quickly things had progressed in any serious detail... but something in Brittany's light hearted smile told her that their rash decision making wasn't going to be one of those things she went on to regret. For now, she resigned to stop fussing over whether or not it had been a good idea to sleep together on their first official date. She was happy. And Brittany seemed happy. So Santana figured it was probably much more important to start making sure that she didn't screw up anything from this point on.

As Brittany fiddled with the Wii, Santana reached down into her bag on the floor beside the sofa and pulled out her glasses case. She didn't need them all the time - just when looking at things that were far away, driving at night or focusing on a TV or computer screen for long periods. And up until this point, she'd avoided wearing her frames around Brittany. Not that she was _that _self-conscious about them. She just didn't wear her glasses unless absolutely necessary.

But since a night of video games was precisely the kind of activity that would give her bad eye strain and more than likely result in a subsequent nagging headache, she elected to bring them along. And besides, now that they were officially _dating_, Santana figured there probably wasn't much point trying to hide her geek side any longer.

When Brittany eventually stopped fiddling with the game station and turned back to Santana to hand her a controller, she bit her lip and smirked.

'What?' Santana raised an eyebrow at her from behind the black, rectangular rims on her face.

'You wear glasses?'

Santana could see the blonde was trying to contain a laugh as she rejoined her on the sofa and she rolled her eyes. 'Yeah yeah I know. How could a smokin' hot bitch like me get cursed with less than perfect vision and be forced to wear such horribly nerdy attire?' She quipped, shrugging. 'Just lucky I guess... And before you ask, _why not wear contacts?_, the mere thought of intentionally putting something foreign and made of glass into my eyes makes me squirm.'

Brittany smiled, scrunching up her nose and studying her face for a long moment. 'They're not nerdy.' Scooting over to close the distance between them, she ran her long finger delicately over the edge of the frames before pushing them a little higher up Santana's nose. 'Actually, I think they're pretty sexy... You've got that whole _naughty secretary _vibe going on.'

Santana felt herself blushing. 'Really?'

'Mhmmm.' Brittany hummed, leaning in close and placing a teasing kiss at the edge of her mouth, their lips just barely coming into contact. 'You're just full of pleasant surprises.' And with that she withdrew, shooting Santana a smug, flirtatious grin.

_I'm not the only one. _Santana thought to herself, her heart returning to a more normal pace now that Brittany's piercing eyes were no longer staring her down. _For someone who acts so cute and sweet, this girl can be a fucking tease. Probably even more than me... Well, more than I used to be. _Santana realized that even if her first impression of Brittany wasn't turning out to be exactly 100% accurate, this was soooo much better.

And suddenly, she couldn't wait to find out what other surprises the beautiful blonde had in store for her.

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Their endeavour into the world of gaming was interesting to say the least. Brittany patiently talked Santana through the controls of some tennis game and somehow managed to smother her laughter when Santana failed miserably, flailing and swinging her arm around like a fool as she tried to hit the virtual ball.

After just over an hour, Santana's cheeks and the tips of her ears were on fire with embarrassment and frustration. It was a simple game. But for some reason, she was completely lacking in grace and poise. She was missing almost every ball.

So maybe she was never that great at real tennis. But this was a fucking video game! And even though she repressed her scowls and frowns of annoyance when Brittany tried to give her a few gentle tips, she felt like a total idiot.

Brittany smirked cheekily when she won her tenth (or was it eleventh?) match in a row and turned to face her. 'Do you wanna try something else? I have some other games that might be a little easier?'

Santana raised an eyebrow at her. 'Don't be a smartass, B. We both know I have the hand-eye co-ordination of a cardboard box. Switching to another game won't change that.'

Brittany looked confused but Santana knew it was just for show. 'Come on... You weren't doing _that _bad.'

'Yes I was.' Santana rolled her eyes stubbornly. She always hated losing. 'I just don't think I'm cut out for this video game business.' She huffed, flopping back down onto the sofa and crossing her arms.

She felt Brittany sink down beside her but refused to look up. 'Awww... Are you pouting?'

'No.' Santana flushed, heat pulsing across the skin of her neck and shoulders.

Brittany giggled. 'I didn't know you were such a sore loser.'

That got Santana's attention and she turned to the blonde, glare firmly in place.

Brittany's giggles turned into full blown laughter. 'And now you're trying to stare me down... That's so cute.'

'Shut up.' Santana grumbled under her breath. It only now really occurred to her that the majority of her frustration wasn't from sucking hardcore at some stupid video game. It was the fact that Brittany was so damn adorable and sexy in everything that she did and she practically was dying with the urge to kiss her again... but she'd been holding back ever since she arrived at her apartment, out of nerves and fear.

Yeah, they were dating now. Yeah, Brittany was her girlfriend. But somehow that made it even more terrifying and more dangerous for her to get carried away with her impulses and emotions. What if Brittany didn't always want to kiss her? What if she rejected her?

Somewhere in Santana's mind, she knew that she was being ridiculous. Brittany had been flirty and touchy all night, shooting her playful looks and devious little winks. Not to mention the not-so-subtle way she moulded her body when she was showing Santana how to use the Wii controls. And the few times Brittany leant in close to whisper something teasing in her ear, making all the air in the room suddenly disappear. All signs pointed to full steam ahead.

But old insecurities die hard. And a nagging voice kept reminding her to take it slow, let Brittany lead, let her take control. That way, there was no possible way she could fuck it up... there was no way she could smother the girl with her _feelings_... or her constant desire to touch and be close to her...

Despite everything that had already happened between them physically, something about taking their relationship to the next level, the one where they were official girlfriends, was making her hesitate. And the last thing Santana wanted was to drive Brittany away by being too forward now.

This became incredibly difficult though when Brittany snuggled into her side and poked at her cheek. 'Grumpy pants.'

From the very first hint of contact, Santana felt like every part of her body was suddenly awake and buzzing with energy. Her head instinctively turned towards the girl that always made her feel so much, so quickly, and she swallowed hard when her eyes met soft blue. Brittany was sitting so close that her breath wisped against Santana's mouth when she sighed playfully.

'Do you... wanna do something else?' Brittany's eyes sparkled with hidden meaning.

Santana purposefully ignored the hint. 'Like what?'

'I dunno...' Brittany shrugged innocently and leant in even closer. 'Something fun...'

It was pretty obvious from the girl's tone of voice, encroaching proximity and the understated wiggle of her eyebrows that she was trying to tempt Santana into kissing her.

But despite knowing this, Santana remained hard-headed, clearing her throat and quickly squirming off the sofa to stand. 'How bout I open that bottle of wine I brought?'

Brittany's face fell slightly and Santana could tell she was a little hurt. 'Uh... yeah. Okay.'

'Cool.'

Nodding, she hurried off towards the kitchen and snatched up the bottle, taking a few long, deep breaths before preparing to call out and ask Brittany where she kept the corkscrew. She was completely caught off guard though when two arms suddenly wrapped around her middle, making her heart jump.

'Hey.' Brittany whispered, her hot breath hitting the back of Santana's neck.

This girl was some kind of ninja. Santana hadn't even heard her follow her into the kitchen. 'Hi.' She replied a bit shakily.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah... Why wouldn't I be?' Santana felt her insides twist and skip when a feather-light kiss was placed behind her ear.

'You're acting kinda... weird.' Brittany said quietly. Her voice wasn't accusing or irritated. Simply curious.

Santana turned in the taller girl's arms and offered up the best smile she could muster. 'I'm good. Really.'

Brittany's eyes narrowed slightly as she peered down at her. 'Then why won't you kiss me? I've been dropping hints and everything.'

Santana flinched. Brittany may be a little peculiar sometimes but apparently she was also extremely perceptive. _Fuck... _'I... uh... It's... It's not...'

'Do I have bad breath or something?' Brittany titled her head to the side cutely.

Santana sighed heavily and set the bottle down behind her on the counter, along with her glasses, before wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's neck. 'No... not at all.'

'Then what's wrong?' Brittany pouted, clearly feeling the rejection of Santana's idiotic and stubborn behaviour.

'Nothing.' Santana shook her head and leant up on her toes to hover close to the blonde's lips. 'Nothing at all.' And with that, she moved in and kissed Brittany gently, capturing first her top, then her bottom lip and sucking them lightly into her mouth.

When she pulled back, she noticed the wide grin forming on Brittany's face. 'I knew you couldn't resist me for long.' She quipped.

'Never.' Santana laughed breathily, her heart still racing from having to make that final, nerve-wracking move. She was silently thankful that Brittany didn't seem to want to press the issue further despite clearly being able to tell something was up. She hated herself for making Brittany feel like she wasn't wanted, even just for a short time. She didn't understand exactly why she refused so vehemently to give in to her natural instincts... but she did know that she had to get over it, and fast.

Brittany shouldn't have to deal with some strange hot n' cold girlfriend. And she didn't want to continue doubting herself all the time.

'So... can we make out now?' Brittany glanced up at her from beneath long eyelashes.

Santana blushed and nodded shyly, allowing her girlfriend to lead them back over to the sofa.

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They spent the rest of the night exchanging kisses, some lazy and tender, some heated and passionate, until Brittany eventually drifted asleep beneath her during one particularly serene moment. Santana tightened her arms around the slumbering blonde, her head rising and falling with the wave of breath through Brittany's chest and sighed contentedly. Her chest was still tight and achy from gazing into deep, endless blue. Her lips tingled and the skin of her cheeks and neck burned where fingertips had been dancing just a few minutes prior. Everything about that make out session was intimate - far more so than she'd been expecting. And it was almost overwhelming to the point where Santana felt like tearing up.

There was no grinding this time. No desperate urgency to start ripping each other's clothes off and commence humping like bunnies. The burn of desire remained, but some sort of unspoken understanding allowed them to contain it, in exchange for a few hours of enjoying the simple pleasure of being so close to each other. It was incredible how much could be said through smiles and soft expressions alone.

Santana felt the connection forming, like ripped tendons rejoined with superhero healing speed. For so long she had been apart from the world, apart from herself. The sensation of distance and detachment became almost natural. And now, that unfamiliar bond was returning. The swelling emotion, the peace, the comfort, the sense of belonging... and the slight twinge of fear that it could somehow all disappear without warning. It was much stronger than she'd ever felt before. All of it.

Sharing everything with someone was always a gamble. A leap, a risk - leaving you vulnerable and open... and yet, Santana had to reason that it was necessary. More than anything she needed to take a chance on Brittany. On herself.

Even if the fear of losing it all kept screaming that she should hold back, something else inside her inspired the urge to let go – to stop being so damn scared all the time and just act on instinct. Brittany wanted her. She was wanted. And despite all her physical and emotional hesitation, she knew it wasn't right to force the girl to reassure her of that whenever they saw each other.

Brittany was willing to be her girlfriend. That was more than enough proof. She had to stop questioning it.

Besides, Santana reasoned that if she was going to screw this up, she may as well do it while letting go and being herself.

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	19. Author's Note

Attention Shades of Blue readers,

First off, this is obviously NOT an update. Sorry =S Hope you're not too disappointed.

I just wanted to inform you all that this fic will be going on hiatus. I knew going into this year (I am currently doing my Honours in Psychology) that the pressure may get too much and unfortunately, that time has come. Between writing my thesis and completing all of my coursework, I just don't have enough time or energy to maintain regular updates right now. I feel awful... But I really REALLY want to do this story justice. I would rather take a break and come back to it with my full attention than churn out something that I feel is inadequate.

Rest assured it WILL be finished though.

Thanks for your understanding.

I look forward to picking this up again once my responsibilities clear up a bit.

Justified =)

(To those of you who are also reading **Living with Santana Lopez**, expect that to be finished off very soon. Also, I MAY write the odd one-shot here and there, just to fulfill my spur of the moment urges to write. But those will have nothing to do with the status of this story.)


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